Home
by Sophie6
Summary: AU S7 and crossover with Angel. Spike comes back. Dawn and Connor meet on the bus to Seattle...Won Best Crossover fic at the Vampire's Kiss Awards.
1. Prologue

Title : Home  
  
Authors : Martine and Sophie  
  
Part : Prologue  
  
Pairing : Buffy/Spike, Dawn/Connor, Angel/Cordélia  
  
Disclaimer : Nothing is ours  
  
Rating : R  
  
Spoilers : Not really. Starts on BS7 and AS4 but goes on as an AU.  
  
Feedback : Always sophie_limbourg@hotmail.com lewis_martine@yahoo.ca  
  
Summary : Our take on S7 of Buffy and S4 of Angel. Which means crossover, of course. Spike comes back. In Sunnydale, Buffy has problems with Dawn. In Los Angeles, Angel has problems with Connor. The two of them were meant to meet one day or another.  
  
A/N 1 : Please remember English is second language for both of us.  
  
A/N 2 : This is a B/S fiction, of course, but a great part of it deals with Dawn and Connor. We loved the idea of them getting together. If you don't, don't read any further.  
  
  
  
~*~PROLOGUE~*~  
  
Buffy was turning and returning the letter in her hands. She couldn't believe it, although she should have seen it coming.  
  
The last few months had been hell. With Tara's death, Willow going crazy and Anya back to the vengeance.she must admit money had been the least of her concern.  
  
Big mistake.  
  
Because in two months, she was supposed to be out of her house. She had lost her house.  
  
Her mother had taken out a mortgage a few years ago, and with all the events that had happened, Buffy had kind of forgot there were payments to make.  
  
She realized now that she had been highly irresponsible, considering she had a teenage sister to take care of, bills to pay, food to put on the table.  
  
And she was paying the price. How was she going to tell that to Dawn? They had so many memories here. Not necessarily good ones. Her mother had died here. They had all been stuck inside with a dangerous demon on her last birthday. Tara had been shot in her mom's room.  
  
But still, it was home. The place where the Scoobies came when they were hurting, something which had happened way too often lately.  
  
And now, the core itself of the Scoobies had been torn apart. Anya had gone to England with Giles, Xander had received an interesting job offer in San Fransisco. Willow was still there, but she was just starting to recover, and Buffy was afraid sometimes of the emptiness reflected in her friend's eyes. And their relationship had been severely bruised.  
  
With a sigh, she sat down on the kitchen's island, putting her head in the circle of her arms. She would not cry. She had no tears left. But once again, she felt that awful loneliness she constantly lived with.  
  
Since he had left.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When Dawn came back a little later that day, she heard her sister talking on the phone in the kitchen. She was about to let her know she was there when she heard Buffy's words.  
  
"I haven't told Dawn yet.I received the letter this morning. How am I going to tell her we have to leave our house?"  
  
Dawn stopped dead in her track. What? What was Buffy talking about? There was a short silence while the other person probably said something, then Buffy said while sighing:  
  
"Yes, that's another problem. I really have no idea what to do with her. I feel like I have to play mom 24/7, and sometimes.it really gets on my nerves."  
  
Feeling suddenly very cold, Dawn stepped back and silently climbed the stairs. She didn't listen to the rest of the conversation.  
  
"Don't get me wrong, Willow's still my friend, but she's not the same anymore, as you can imagine.and our relationship has suffered a lot."  
  
"I'm afraid you haven't seen the end of the tunnel yet," Giles said on the other end of the phone. After a slight hesitation, he asked "Buffy, if you need me."  
  
"No, Giles. If you have to come over each time things are not perfect, you might as well move back in! I'll handle it. I'll find a solution. We always do."  
  
"All right. I'll call back next week to check how things are going."  
  
"Thanks. Knowing you're there, even far away.it's comforting. Take care.Bye."  
  
"Bye, Buffy."  
  
Buffy hung up, fighting back tears. She went to the living room, and sat on the couch. Hearing Giles' voice had made her feel lonelier then ever. But she couldn't be dependant on him anymore. She had to take matters in hands and solve her own problems.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Sitting on her bed, Dawn was staring into space. She didn't feel like crying, or whining. Those were two things she had been very good at the past two years.  
  
But right now, she wasn't feeling anything. Which was a strange feeling. Oh, well, at least she was feeling something.  
  
In less than one minute, two things had struck her: they were homeless, and she was a burden for Buffy. She had suspected her sister was feeling that way. After all, Dawn wasn't meant to be. She had always been a burden, considering she was a young teenager with no special skills.she wasn't a witch, like Tara, or an ex-demon back into vengeance like Anya.she was useless.  
  
She shook herself. Be careful, Dawn. You're back on the whining, self-pity bandwagon.  
  
She went to her closet and retrieved a suitcase from the depths of it. She had been thinking about this for some time. Now it seemed the most logical thing to do.  
  
Los Angeles -------------  
  
"This is so much harder than I thought. I just wanted us to be a family again. And I love him so much. He's my son."  
  
Cordelia smiled sweetly at him.  
  
"I know, Angel. I love him too. Just give him more time. He needs to get to know us better."  
  
Angel looked at her with sadness in his eyes. He loved Cordelia so much and he was glad she was here, but he could not forget the two weeks he had spent at the bottom of the sea so easily. He could not totally forgive Connor like he wanted to. He didn't understand why the boy hadn't tried to talk to him first. He had condemned him immediately, and that total lack of trust between them was making the communication very hard.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Connor was tired. Being back at the hotel with Angel and the others after what he had done was not easy. Everybody, especially Gunn and Fred, were constantly watching him wondering what bad thing he would do next, and sometimes he thought he never should have come back. He would have been fine on his own. But he craved the love and the warmth of a place he could call home.  
  
As he walked by his father's room, he heard his name and stopped to listen.  
  
"Connor is so unpredictable, so wild, so untamed.I just don't know how to deal with him most of the time.He doesn't want to let us in." "Well, he was certainly more easy to deal with when he was a baby," Cordelia said, trying to lighten Angel's mood a little bit, and God knows it was not an easy task!  
  
"I don't know how to approach him. Sometimes I wonder if it was a good thing he came back from Quor-Toth like that."  
  
Connor froze, horrified. His father didn't want him. He should have known.he was just a burden for them, an annoyance. After all, he wasn't meant to be, right? The child of two vampires.what good could ever come of that ?  
  
Cordelia and Angel were still talking, but he didn't want to hear it anymore. He ran to his bedroom.  
  
He knew what he had to do now. Hell, there was only one thing to do.  
  
He took his backpack out of his closet and filled it with clothes and the letter Holtz had left him before he died.  
  
Connor sat on his bed.  
  
Tomorrow, when everybody woke up, they wouldn't have to bother with him anymore.  
  
".I mean it would have been so much easier if he was still a baby. I know it's stupid to think that way.and I love him, no matter what. I really want us to have a special relationship.to be a father for him."  
  
"Angel, I told you, you have to give him and yourself some time. It's as hard for him as it is for you," Cordelia said gently. "You know, Connor made his share of mistakes in the past few months and he probably feels horrible and all. Just be yourself with him and things will get better, I'm sure."  
  
Sunnydale -----------  
  
Buffy saw Dawn coming down the stairs.  
  
"Dawnie ? When did you come back ? I didn't hear you."  
  
Dawn shrugged in a casual way.  
  
"I went straight to my room."  
  
"Did you have a nice time, with Janice?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Buffy hesitated, not knowing how to tell her the news. After a moment, cowardly, she didn't say anything. Later, she decided. No need to upset Dawn too soon. But even to her own ears that excuse sounded lame. She just had no idea how to tell her younger sister that they would be homeless in two months.  
  
"I'm going patrolling later tonight," she said. "Would you like to come with me?"  
  
Dawn had been patrolling and training with her lately, and she had done pretty well, forcing Buffy to admit her sister was not a little girl anymore. After all, she was sixteen, the same age she had been when she was called.  
  
"No thanks," said Dawn. "I'm tired."  
  
Buffy was very surprised but didn't insist.  
  
"Ok."  
  
Then, seeing the strange expression her sister was wearing, she asked,  
  
"Is everything all right?"  
  
"Everything's fine. It's just.school starts again in one week.you see."  
  
"You don't mind staying alone with Willow?"  
  
"Why would I? She's such fun to be with."muttered the teenager in a sarcastic tone.  
  
"Dawn.please. I know you have a hard time forgiving her."  
  
"How could I forgive her? It's her fault if Tara's dead."  
  
"Don't say that! You know it's not true." Buffy said, though the thought had crossed her mind.  
  
"You know it is true, Buffy. If she hadn't used so much magic, Tara wouldn't have broken up with her. And things would have been different, she maybe wouldn't have been in her room when Warren came and thought he was John Wayne."  
  
"You don't know that. Sweetie, I know you miss Tara.I do too. And Willow.I know she did terrible things. I don't know how to deal with her myself most of the time. But in some way, I try to understand her. If Warren had shot you.I probably would have done some terrible things myself." Dawn nodded, totally unconvinced.  
  
"That's possible. But we'll never know, right? Like we don't know why Spike suddenly left."  
  
She saw Buffy's face turning white, the reaction she had expected.  
  
"You haven't mentioned his name. Not once."  
  
"I don't want to talk about him."  
  
"Then why do you sleep with his leather coat on?"  
  
Buffy became whiter - if that was possible.  
  
"How.? Never mind. And it just happened once.maybe twice."  
  
"You never told me what happened before he left. Xander told me."  
  
"I know what Xander told you. He wasn't there, he doesn't know what actually happened. I don't want to think about it anymore. That's the past. I put all of that behind me."  
  
"Even him?"  
  
Buffy didn't answer. How could she explain.there was not a single day when she hadn't thought about him. Each time she saw a platinum-blond head, her heart was beating faster, only to break a little bit more because of the disappointment. When she closed her eyes, the only thing she saw was his face. Smiling at her. His hoarse voice whispering love words.but then that ugly scene in the bathroom appeared and ruined everything.  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"I miss him," she admitted softly.  
  
"Me too" said Dawn, and there was an moment of understanding between the two sisters.  
  
But then Dawn's expression got serious again, like she had let herself go and regretted it.  
  
"I'll go to my room," she said.  
  
Buffy nodded.  
  
"Ok. I'll call you when dinner's ready."  
  
Dawn didn't answer and went back upstairs. In a way, Buffy understood her sister's reaction. The last two years.the only real ones of her existence, had been hell. And things weren't going to get better anytime soon.  
  
Los Angeles -------------  
  
Throwing his bag onto his shoulder, Connor walked out of his room. Everyone was asleep, now, finally, and he knew no one would see him leave. No one would stop him now. He was almost at the door when he realized that he had nothing to trade if he ever needed anything, and Angel had explained to him that in order to trade in this world he needed small pieces of papers and coins called money. He understood the system since they had something quite similar in Quor- Toth.  
  
Connor looked around, realizing that in this world he wouldn't go far without money. He suddenly remembered that Angel Investigations had closed a case that same day and the client had paid in cash, so the money was probably still there at the reception.  
  
He walked to it and tried to open the drawer. It was locked. Connor frowned. He had wanted to be discreet, but if he wanted to open the drawer he would have to make some noise. He went to the weaponry closet and retrieved an axe. He walked back to the office, closing the door behind him, hoping it would be enough to muffle the noise he was about to make. With one expert hit, Connor broke the lock and opened the drawer. He took the money, putting some in his pocket, some in his bag, and some in his socks. That was something else Gunn had taught him, not to put all his money at the same place.  
  
He stood up, took his bag, and walked out of the office - out of the hotel and on the street towards the bus station.  
  
Sunnydale -----------  
  
Dawn watched her alarm clock. One am. The house was silent. Willow was probably sleeping, and Buffy wouldn't be back from patrol for an hour. And she had put pillows and stuff under her comforter, just in case her sister checked on her.  
  
Carefully, she went downstairs. She walked out of the house, without turning back. Next stop, the Magic Box.  
  
She was holding a stake firmly in her hand, just in case she met some evil nasties. All those hours spent patrolling with Buffy would be at least useful.  
  
Once at the Magic Box, she put her bag on the bench and started to unlock the door with her hairpin like Spike had done the day they had broken into the shop, two years ago. The memory brought unwanted tears to Dawn's eyes, but she wiped them away hastily. Now, more then ever, she was feeling the pain of his absence.  
  
Inside the shop, she went directly to the training room where she knew Buffy and Rebecca (The friend of Giles who was running the shop now) hid some money.  
  
Of course, stealing money was not the cleverest thing to do. Buffy needed it desperately, especially now. But Giles would probably send some more to help. And she intended to give it back, one day. So that was not really stealing. More like borrowing. And she felt less guilty thinking of it that way.  
  
There was more money that she had counted on, so she didn't take all of it. What she took should be enough to help her starting over. Wherever that may be.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Buffy came back from patrol, exhausted. The slaying had been non- existent tonight. Which was bad, because then she had plenty of time to think. And thinking was definitely not of the good. Especially when it involved a bleached blond British vampire.  
  
So she had walked and walked until she was too tired to think of anything but her bed. She had even managed to avoid his crypt. 'Hurray for me' she thought bitterly.  
  
She felt a too familiar sob growing in her chest, but she repressed it. Hell, that's all she was good at, lately. Crying. She was better at crying than slaying. She had turned into her sister. 'No, that's not fair' she thought. Dawn had changed a lot. She had grown up.  
  
There was that look in her eyes.a grown up look. Maturity. A little too much, maybe.  
  
She didn't open her sister's door, afraid to wake her up. Dawn was probably sleeping.  
  
Well, her duties for tonight were over. Like Scarlett O'Hara had said, tomorrow was another day.  
  
After a quick shower, Buffy climbed in her bed and fell asleep as soon as her head touched the pillow.  
  
TBC. 


	2. 1 Going and Leaving

~*~ CHAPTER 1 - Going and Leaving ~*~  
  
Dawn hadn't expected the bus station terminal to be that big. For the first time, she started to wonder if her leaving was a good idea. Oh come on, you made it as far as L.A, you're not gonna chicken out now. But for a moment she had been tempted to forget all her resolutions and run to the Hyperion, asking Angel or Cordelia to bring her back to Sunnydale.  
  
It was only 8 am, but there were already a lot of people waiting for their busses. A little lost, she finally headed for the ticket counters. Although it may be a good idea to decide first where she wanted to go.  
  
An advertising board for Seattle caught her attention.  
  
Ok.Seattle, then.  
  
Dawn refused to think that what she was doing was crazy. She knew it. If the police for some reason caught her, she would be in trouble. She was still under age. Once in Seattle, she would have to find somewhere to live, a job.  
  
But Buffy had done it before her. That summer, after sending Angel to Hell. So there was no reason Dawn couldn't make it too.  
  
She bought a ticket, went back to the main hall. She spotted a young guy about her age, alone. The look on his face hit her. Very lost, but trying very hard not to show it. Exactly like her. Before realizing it, she was standing in front of him.  
  
"Excuse me."  
  
His gaze met hers. Wow. What pain and anger were in those eyes. She lost her focus for a mere second.  
  
"I.uh.Do you know which one is the bus to Seattle ?"  
  
The guy stared at her for a minute before answering "That one" and showing a big white bus with - as Dawn noticed, a little embarrassed - a 'Seattle' sign on it.  
  
"Oh.Of course. Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome." The bus was leaving in thirty minutes, so she already took her seat inside. She could use a little sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Connor had no idea where Seattle was but it was a rather expensive destination, which meant it was probably far. He bought a ticket and went back to the main hall. It was only 8 am and the bus wasn't leaving before 8.30, so he had time.  
  
He began to look around him to observe all the people. This world was still so strange to him. On Quortoth, Holtz and him had been the only humans but here, there were humans everywhere, and they were all so different. He remembered the first time he had seen Gunn, he had wondered what type of paint he used to keep his skin so brown. And then he had seen more and more black people, Latinos and Asiatic, and he had understood there were a lot of different types of humans, even if they were all the same species. That had been one of the many surprises this world had to offer.  
  
Another surprising thing was that most humans were unaware of demons. Rarely would demons been seen during the day, and if people saw some of them at night sometimes, they would prefer denying it, blaming the shades or the bad lightning.  
  
Angel had told him that even Connor himself would probably be considered abnormal because of his speed and strength. Connor had frowned at that.  
  
He * was * normal. Would people really consider him some kind of freak? He was a demon hunter, someone who fought the good fight. But Angel had explained to him that sometimes it was just not enough, that people got scared of what they couldn't comprehend.  
  
Connor had been observing people for a while, learning from them what seemed to be normal when suddenly a girl materialized in front of him. She was a very pretty girl about his age, with long dark-brown hair and blue eyes.  
  
" Excuse me.I.uh.do you know which one is the bus to Seattle?"  
  
He didn't answer right away, mesmerized for a minute by how pretty she was.  
  
" That one" he finally said. She smiled, looking embarrassed.  
  
"Oh.Of course. Thanks."  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
She seemed a little lost, and he could totally rely to that. She saw her climbing in the bus, and resisted the urge to follow her. The last thing he needed right now was to get involved with some girl. Even if she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn woke up a little later. The bus was moving. She checked her watch. She had been sleeping for one hour.  
  
She opened her backpack and took some pastries she had bought. The person beside her stirred, and she realized it was the cute guy from the bus station. So, he was going to Seattle also. He seemed to be sleeping, or lost in some reverie. Dawn took the opportunity to look at him.  
  
He was really cute. But his hair was funny, all messed up. And it needed a good cut. His fashion sense was also very special. Not really the kind of guy Dawn used to hang out with. But she couldn't help remember the pain and anger she had read in his eyes. It seemed he had his share of suffering. Well, she thought, welcome to the club.  
  
She couldn't chase that feeling of guilt away. Guilt for leaving her sister like that. Now Buffy would be all alone, except for Willow.  
  
Giles had sent Willow in England to a place where she could be healed. Then, with the help of Anya, Xander and Buffy they had rebuilt the Magic Box again. Some of Xander's construction buddies had come to help, and within two month it was brand new again. Then Giles had decided to go back to England, and to everyone's surprise, Anya had announced that she was going with him. If something had been going on between them, they had stayed very discreet. Anya was still a vengeance demon, but it didn't seem to bother Giles. And after all, he couldn't pretend to be 100 % normal either..  
  
Things hadn't finally worked out between Xander and Anya. There had been too much pain and anger. She couldn't get over the fact that he had left her at the altar, and he really had troubles forgiving her little misstep with Spike.  
  
Dawn's thoughts drifted to the vampire.  
  
Spike had been MIA for more than three months now. He had left without even a goodbye. Which seemed normal, considering the circumstances.but she still wanted to hear his version of the story. Assuming, of course, that he would come back.and that she would come back too. She knew Spike's abrupt departure had hurt Buffy. More than she admitted it. Dawn had sometimes caught her sister caressing the leather jacket well hid in the closet.or just staring at it with a sad expression.  
  
When Willow had come back, things had improved a little bit. Buffy and her had had a heart to heart talk. Of course, it hadn't been all forgive and forget. Forgiving took time and there was no way either of them could ever forget. And even if herself had kept her distances with Willow, Dawn was happy that her big sister got her best friend back.  
  
And then, Xander had left.  
  
He didn't want to, at first. He couldn't consider leaving Buffy, Willow and Dawn. They needed him, and he needed them, especially since Anya's departure. He had buried himself in work, and his boss had offered him a temporary job in San Francisco on a big construction site. He was going to be promoted and in charge of an entire crew. That was a great opportunity for him, both financially and professionally. But mentally, he felt really bad about the idea of leaving his three girls behind. Especially - and Xander hated to admit it but it was the truth - now that Spike wasn't there to help them anymore. Not that his idea of help had been very successful in the end with Anya and Buffy.  
  
Finally, it had been Willow who had convinced Xander to leave. He badly needed the change of scenery. And it would be for a few months only.  
  
Willow had then re-apply to UC Sunnydale, and as soon as it started she would move back to the dorm. Buffy had quit the Doublemeat Palace and found a job as a waitress in a nice little restaurant. The rest of the time, she was supervising the Magic Box with Rebecca. Rebecca was an old English lady, a friend of Giles. She wanted to move to California, so Giles had offered her to run the Magic Box, as well as moving in his old apartment. She had accepted gladly, as she was a little bit into magic herself, and she had got along with the girls just fine.  
  
A growl in her stomach reminded Dawn she had barely ate anything beside that pastry this morning. She took an apple from her bag.  
  
The boy next to her was watching her. He really had a funny look. But, she thought for the zillion times, he was cute. She smiled to him.  
  
"Do you want one?" she asked, showing the apple.  
  
"No. Thanks."  
  
He didn't smiled back, watched elsewhere.  
  
"Ok.Moody much?" muttered Dawn.  
  
She decided to ignore him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The road was long and the ride was boring.  
  
Connor had no idea how long he would have to stay there, in his seat, but after a few hours, he was anxious to move and walk again. He looked around him and saw that most people were sleeping, even his pretty neighbor. He had sit next to her because he had been the last one to get in the bus and it was the only seat left vacant.  
  
He didn't feel tired. He just felt sad.  
  
Life had not been easy in the last few month - Hell, it had never been easy. But just when he started to believe that Angel really wanted to be with him, he discovered things were not as good as he had imagined, and that his father hadn't really forgiven him like he had said.  
  
Of course, he had to admit that what he had done was not easily forgivable.  
  
After all, he had sunk his father into the bottom of the sea.  
  
He remember these few weeks well, he remembered finding Holtz' body with two puncture holes in the neck, as if a vampire had drained him. He remembered the rage he had felt and the assumption that Angel had been the one to do this, assumption only fueled by an equally angry Justine.  
  
He hadn't recognize her at first, and he hadn't wondered who she was, too preoccupied with his own grief. She had helped him to exercise his vengeance, as if she had something personal against Angel herself.  
  
After they had sent Angel's metal coffin at the bottom of the sea, she had invited him to stay with her, telling him how good a fighter he was and that they would make a perfect team. Lonely and disoriented, Connor had followed her in the hope he would find acceptance with her, or something resembling a family. Like he and Holtz had been, and like Angel and his team had also seemed to be before he found out the awful truth.  
  
But he had soon been bitterly disappointed. Justine had been violent, ruthless and highly unstable. He doubted anybody had ever seen that side of her personality. She was also a fanatic and didn't trust the people who didn't see the world like her. Of all the scary things he had met in his life, Connor started to consider Justine as one of them.  
  
Two weeks after he had get rid of Angel, Connor was roaming the streets and ended up at a bar, downtown, that he had previously visited with his Holtz. The bar was the propriety of a law firm and generally full of demons and such. So he didn't feel too much displaced there.  
  
He was drinking a root beer when a woman approached him.  
  
"Aren't you a little bit young to be in here? She had asked.  
  
"Leave me alone" he had growled.  
  
"Wait a minute, I recognize you. Connor, isn't it? You're Angel's son. How come your father let you come here?"  
  
"He's not around to tell me what to do anymore,» Connor said harshly.  
  
"Oooh, I detect bitterness. What happened? You and Daddy got into a fight?  
  
"He killed the man who raised me" "Holtz? Angel killed Holtz?" she said, showing real surprise.  
  
But even more surprised was Connor. How the Hell did she know all that stuff about me? he wondered.  
  
"Well, he sucked him dry" he answered.  
  
"No way! Angel killing a human would already be very surprising, but sucking somebody dry.that's near impossible. Unless he's back to being Angelus. Because Angel hasn't feed from a human since he got his soul back, except one time, about four years ago when he got poisoned and his girlfriend beat him into feeding from her. No, Angel would have not done that. Angelus could have, but not Angel. He has too much of a conscience to do that."  
  
Connor watched her for a minute, frowning.  
  
"Who the hell are you?"  
  
"I'm Lilah Morgan, from Wolfram & Hart. And believe me, Angel and his alter ego Angelus are my specialty."  
  
That discussion had got Connor seriously thinking. What if Angel had been honest all along? What if he hasn't been the one who had killed Holtz? What if Holtz letter really meant what it said, that he should go back to leave with Angel and give him a chance?  
  
With his new disturbing knowledge, Connor had been back to the place where he had found the dead Holtz being held by Justine. And now that he could think more calmly, he was seeing things he hadn't seen before. Like the significant amount of blood on the floor, blood that would not have been there if a vampire had really drained Holtz. Looking around, Connor found a bloody ice pick behind a trash container. That could have perfectly imitated punctures holes made by vampire teeth.  
  
So if Angel hadn't killed Holtz, who did?  
  
And Connor remembered that Justine had been there, holding the dead man, crying, with blood on her hands.  
  
Horrified by the realization, Connor had run home. No, not home. Just the place where he and Justine lived. She was there, sitting at the table, a knife pinning one of her hand in it. Connor didn't understand why she did that, why she would put herself through this type of physical pain once a week. Disgusted with her habit, Connor had taken the knife out of her hand and thrown it across the room, planting it in the wall next to the fridge. He then had taken the bloody ice pick and planted it on the table.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" she exploded when the knife left her hand. "And where the hell did you get that?"  
  
"This time around, I am the one who asks questions,» he had said coldly. She had looked at him and paled visibly when she had met his hard cold eyes.  
  
"Who killed Holtz?" he had asked.  
  
"Angel did,» she had answered.  
  
He grabbed her by the throat and pulled her out of her chair.  
  
"Who.Killed.Holtz?" he had asked again between his clenched teeth.  
  
Justine had swallowed nervously, barely able to breathe.  
  
"He asked me to do it,» she had finally answered.  
  
"He who?"  
  
"Holtz. Holtz asked me to kill him."  
  
Connor had let go of her and she had stumbled.  
  
"Why?" he had asked, turning away from her.  
  
"Because he wanted you to finish what he had started, he wanted you to destroy Angelus, and you did. He would be so proud of you. He knew that if he didn't give you a reason, you would not have done it. Everything is now as it should be, everything is right."  
  
Connor knew that was a lie. Nothing was right. Everything was wrong. He had sent an innocent into the bottom of the sea. An innocent who had only wanted to love and accept him. And Connor had so cruelly craved that love and acceptance.  
  
"You're sick,» he had said to Justine. "You're sick and you're wrong."  
  
"Yeah, well, what are you going to do? Fish him back?"  
  
That was exactly what Connor wanted to do. But he didn't know how.  
  
Desperate and disillusioned, Connor had walked away and had been to the beach where he had fought his father for the last time. He had sat on a rock, and, miserable and lonely, he had begun to cry as if he was a baby.  
  
He had never cried like this before because Holtz would never have allowed it.  
  
But now, he was alone and everybody who loved him, or could have, was gone. He had pushed them away by his blindness to conduct his selfish vengeance.  
  
"Connor, what are you doing here? What's going on?"  
  
The soft and gentle voice of Cordelia had startled him. Quickly, he had dried his tears with his shirt' sleeve.  
  
Cordelia had walked to the rock and had sat next to him. She was wearing the same clothes she had been wearing two weeks ago. She looked around, puzzled and disoriented.  
  
"Connor, where is Angel? We were supposed to meet here."  
  
"That was two weeks ago, Cordelia."  
  
"Really? I didn't realize.I was taken away by the Powers-That-Be, and.now I'm back." She had raised her head. "Can't you make up your mind?" she had shouted at the sky. "Well, there has to be a reason. They brought me back right here where I find you crying. So, tell me, what happened?"  
  
Connor looked at the sea.  
  
"I.I sent him deep down, in a box" he had finally said, letting the tears fall freely on his cheeks.  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
Her lack of anger surprised him. "Because I thought he had killed Holtz."  
  
"Oh, Connor! Angel would never do such a thing. He knew you loved him and wouldn't have wanted to hurt you like that. Why didn't you come to us to talk?"  
  
"I know.I know that now. Is it to late?" he asked in a trembling voice, feeling ashamed like never before.  
  
Gently, Cordelia pulled him to her and hugged him.  
  
"Well" she said, "I guess we have a big fish to catch".  
  
"But how?"  
  
"Don't worry. We'll find a way. I know now why I'm back. My work here is far from done!"  
  
They had gone back to the Hyperion, much to the delight of Gunn and Fred who had been left in the blank for two weeks. They had rented a barge, then, with the help of two Gunn's friend they had left at sea and had found Angel with some of Cordelia' surprising powers.  
  
Connor had learned that Cordelia had disappeared during those two weeks. She had been taken to a higher dimension to fight evil. According to Cordelia, it had seemed to her she had been gone for fifteen years. It had intrigued Connor greatly that in those fifteen years she hadn't aged a bit. He was curious but he hadn't had the time to investigate the matter further.  
  
As soon as Cordelia had located Angel, they had sent some of Gunn's friend under water to hook Angel's casket with the chains. As soon as the sun was safely down, they begun to pull the coffin out of the water. When he emerged and they pulled it on the barge, Connor attacked the fastenings with all his strength, helped by Gunn. Once it was open, Cordelia tried to carefully wake him up. He hadn't fed for a while, so when he awoke, his face changed into game face because of his extreme hunger.  
  
"Here" said Fred, offering him a cup of blood. Connor helped him sit and Cordelia fed him.  
  
When Angel had drunk, he had looked around him and had seen Connor still holding him in a sitting position. They had stared at each other for a while, not knowing what to say.  
  
"You okay, man?" asked Gunn, breaking the uncomfortable silence.  
  
"How long?" Angel asked.  
  
"Two weeks" answered Fred.  
  
"I'm sorry,» said Connor quietly.  
  
"I know, son" Angel sighed. "I know."  
  
The last thing Connor had expected was to be forgiven so easily. At Angel's offer, Connor had moved back to the Hyperion, where, for a while, they had evolved in an uneasy routine at first. But things were gradually getting better and he had learned a lot. Angel had continued to show him how to fight. Gunn had shown him some streetwise tricks to help him survive in the wild streets of L.A or any other city. Fred had introduced him to the rudiment of computers and book, and he even had made some shopping with Cordelia, who had been craving for that for fifteen years. She may have been in the company of the Powers-that-Be, but she was still a woman.  
  
Of course all of this was too good to be true. He should have known. In the end, he wasn't really wanted.  
  
The girl sitting next to him chuckled softly and he looked at her, thinking maybe she was laughing at him. But she was visibly lost in her own thoughts, and God was she pretty. He couldn't help himself but stare at this beautiful girl with bright blue eyes, pink lips and long, luscious brown hair. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen.  
  
Suddenly, as if realizing she was observed, Dawn turned her head and looked back at him.  
  
"What? What's wrong?" she asked defensively." Do I have something on my face?"  
  
Connor smiled, shyly looking at his hands. Cordelia had told him more than once that smile was irresistible. "No" he said. "You're pretty, that's all."  
  
Ok, how do you want to resist to that? The young girl thought.  
  
And she was feeling that weird attraction. Something in him.not because he was cute. Well, that helped, of course. No, it was something else.something she couldn't describe.  
  
"What's your name?" she finally asked.  
  
"Connor"  
  
"Nice to meet you, Connor. I'm Dawn."  
  
He acquiesced but didn't add anything.  
  
"Do you.Do you live in L.A" she asked again, trying to make casual conversation.  
  
"Yes. I mean, I did. You?"  
  
"No. I come from Sunnydale. Do you know?"  
  
"I think I heard that name before.but I can't remember."  
  
"Oh, it's normal" she said with a slight smile. "It's a very boring town"  
  
She was not going to scare him away with stories of vampires, demons and apocalypses. He probably had no idea all those things existed.  
  
They chatted for some time, although about superficial topics. He managed to smile several times, which made Dawn's heartbeat a little bit faster. But only a little bit.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What are you going to do?" asked Willow, very concerned.  
  
"I wish I knew," sighed Buffy, taking the plates of their breakfast and putting it in the sink.  
  
"I don't understand" Willow said, frowning. "I thought they were supposed to take the furniture first, then the house."  
  
"I thought so too. Here, I get to keep the furniture. Not that it will be very useful without a house. I guess the only option is to sell most of them. But I'll keep the couch. It will be more comfortable when I'm living under a bridge." Willow smiled. If Buffy was still able to joke about this, then things were not as dark as they seemed.  
  
"You can put an ad in the paper. If you want, I can take care of that for you" the redhead offered.  
  
"Thanks. We have two months to leave the house.it's a chance we're not kicked out immediately, I guess. But I must admit I don't know how this things work. Mom always took care of the mortgage and house stuff, then Giles.I should have paid more attention."  
  
"Well, I guess your mind was preoccupied with other things, and I'm not a stranger to that."  
  
Buffy smiled.  
  
"Maybe not, but it goes way beyond that. It seems they send me a warning letter weeks ago. Though I never saw the color of it."  
  
She sighed.  
  
"I still have to tell Dawn.  
  
"I didn't hear her leaving this morning."  
  
"Me neither. But I was sound asleep."  
  
She got up.  
  
" I have some laundry to do, then I'm going to work."  
  
"Ok. I'll get dressed, and then I'll go check for that ad. And also buy one of those Real Estate papers. You need to start looking for a new place."  
  
"Yeah, good idea. Thank you, Willow." The former witch smiled and left the kitchen. Buffy knew she was trying hard to cope with the aftermath of Tara's death and her own actions. But something was broken, and although she was going on with her life, she seemed to have switch on 'No feelings allowed' mode. Something Buffy could totally rely to, since she had adopted that mode for herself as well. She was working, slaying, taking care of Dawn, showing her how to fight and protect herself.but she was refusing to think further. She was refusing to think that not so long ago, she had felt more alive then ever. She remembered too well the feelings he had awakened. Moments of pleasure, even of happiness sometimes.a feeling of belonging, even if she had denied it very hard.  
  
Why do I keep thinking about him ? she thought, anger rising. He nearly raped me! And here I am, counting the days like he had done for me the year before.and he will probably never come back.  
  
The thought made her nauseous. She shook herself, putting her mind on the safe and boring topic of the laundry.  
  
She got to Dawn's room first. The curtains were still closed. Buffy noticed the form under the cover.  
  
"Dawn, you forgot to put your alarm clock on again."  
  
She opened the curtain and daylight filled the room. She turned to the bed.  
  
"Come on, sleepyhead, time to."  
  
Buffy realized she wasn't talking to her sister but to a bunch of pillows.  
  
"What the hell.?  
  
She took the cover away. The pillows were put together to give the impression that someone was sleeping underneath.  
  
Confused, Buffy looked around and saw her sister's schoolbag on the floor. Worry started to fill her. What was Dawn up too? She opened her closet. Some clothes were missing.  
  
"Oh my God.Willow!"  
  
Her friend burst into the room. "What?"  
  
She noticed the pillows in the bed and Buffy in front of a half empty closet.  
  
"What?" she repeated.  
  
"I think.I think she's gone,» Buffy said in a blank tone.  
  
She kneeled down, rummaging through the closet floor.  
  
"Her traveling bag is missing."  
  
"Buffy, what are you talking about? Dawn is gone?"  
  
"Some of her clothes are missing. And why would she put pillows in her bed? I don't understand, why did she do this?" she said, her voice getting hysterical.  
  
Willow came closer.  
  
"Calm down. Maybe she's not gone. Maybe she just sneaked out last night and  
  
went to school this morning."  
  
"Her schoolbag's here."  
  
"Ok.Well, maybe she took another one." Willow said, sounding suddenly less convinced.  
  
"I don't understand." Buffy repeated. "What.I mean."  
  
"Buffy."  
  
Willow touched her friend' shoulder.  
  
"There's a letter on her desk."  
  
Buffy rushed to grab the letter and opened it.  
  
Buffy, When you find this letter, I'll probably be far away. I'm sorry, but I had to leave. I realize now what a burden I've been for you. And now that we lost the house, I thought you'd be better without me. Try not to worry. I can defend myself, now. I took some money from the Magic Box, it's probably not the cleverest thing to do but so you know I've got some with me. I promise to pay you back someday. Buffy, please, don't try to find me. I really need to be on my own, to sort things out. I don't even know where I'm going yet. Please don't be mad at me. I love you.  
  
Dawn  
  
Buffy slowly sat on the bed. Willow took the letter and read it quickly.  
  
"I have to find her." Buffy finally said.  
  
"She's asking you not to." Willow pointed.  
  
"How can I not? She's out there, all alone! And where on earth did she get the idea that she was a burden? And how does she know about the house?" She suddenly remembered her conversation with Giles the day before. If Dawn overheard me talking about Willow and thought it was about her.  
  
"Oh my God.I have to go find her," she said again, heading to her own room to get dressed. Willow followed her.  
  
"Buffy.Dawn said it, she's probably far away by now. You don't even know where to start."  
  
"Well, I can't stay here and do nothing. I'll go to the bus terminal. She probably took the first bus this morning."  
  
"Then what? Even if she took the bus to L.A, once there she can take another bus to anywhere in the country!"  
  
That seemed to stop Buffy for a second, but she finally resumed dressing.  
  
"I have to do something, Willow. I can't be here and pretend that it's fine that Dawn left."  
  
"Alright. Go to the bus terminal. I'll go see for that ad. Let's meet here in one hour, ok?"  
  
"Ok."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Yeah, I remember her," said one of the clerks at the terminal. "She took the first bus to L.A."  
  
"Thanks." Buffy said.  
  
She sat down on a bench, not knowing what to do next. She let a sob escape but refrained herself from crying. All this had been a big misunderstanding. Why hadn't Dawn come to talk to her? She would have explain, tell her she was not a burden, that Buffy needed her little sister beside her.  
  
She got up and headed back to Revello Drive.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Willow arrived a few minutes after her.  
  
"The ad will be in the paper day after tomorrow," she said. "Any luck?"  
  
"No. You were right, of course. She took a bus to L.A. Now the question is, did she stay there or took another bus?"  
  
"If she really want to run away, she won't stay in L.A."  
  
"It's big. She can hide anywhere."  
  
"She could. That's why I'll call Cordelia, to let them know. Just in case."  
  
Buffy put her face in her hands. Willow hugged her.  
  
"Buffy, I know this is probably a stupid thing to say, but try not to worry. Dawn said it herself. And you were the same age when you ran away, remember?"  
  
"Yes, but that was different. I'm the Slayer."  
  
"And she's not a baby anymore. She knows what's out there. She fought beside you. And if there's anything, she'll call. Or she'll take the first bus back to Sunnydale."  
  
Willow's word calmed Buffy a little bit. She smiled sadly.  
  
"I have to go to work. Maybe I can call and tell them I'm sick." Willow shook her head.  
  
"What for? You need the money, Buffy, especially now. You can't afford to lose this job." Willow said wisely.  
  
Buffy sighed.  
  
"I know. Thanks for your help, Will."  
  
"It's the least I can do. And it helps me too. To get rid of the guilt," she added, half-joking. " Go now, or you'll be late."  
  
Buffy went to her bedroom to get change. She paused a moment in front of her closet, watching the black leather coat still hanging there, as if it were waiting.  
  
"Spike." she whispered, saying his name out loud for the first time in weeks. "I really need you right now. Can't you feel it, wherever you are?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Willow dialed the Hyperion's number.  
  
"Hi, you've reached Angel Investigations. We're not in for the moment, but please leave a message and we'll get back to you."  
  
Surprised that no one was there, Willow let a message for Cordelia, asking her to call her back urgently. But the redhead didn't thought it would help much. If Dawn didn't want to be found.  
  
Why did you run away like that, Dawnie ? Willow thought. And where are you now ? 


	3. 2 Questions

~*~ CHAPTER 2 - Questions ~*~  
  
When Angel woke up, later that afternoon, he was surprised to find Connor's room empty. Almost every day, when he woke up, he would find Connor in his room, reading one of the books he had given him when he had first moved in. They would sit and talk for a while, and then go train until the sun was down before grabbing something to eat and go help the helpless.  
  
Angel looked for Connor in every room and then went downstairs in the training room. His son was nowhere to be found. Angel went to the lobby where the others were talking leisurely.  
  
"Have you guys seen Connor?" he asked, somewhat agitated.  
  
"No" answered Fred.  
  
"Isn't he upstairs?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"No, and not in the training room either".  
  
"Don't worry, man. The kid probably went out shopping or something. Cordelia gave him the virus," Gunn said with a smile, attracting a glare from the half-demon girl.  
  
"Yes, or maybe he went to buy some books," added Fred.  
  
"I don't know," said Angel, still worried. "For some reason, I have a bad feeling about this."  
  
"Don't worry, Angel," said Cordelia gently, walking towards him. "If he was in danger, the Powers would probably warn me."  
  
Angel knew it was probably true but the uneasy feeling didn't go away.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"It's been 24 hours," Angel said the next afternoon. "Something happened to him." Fred, Gunn and Cordelia looked at him in silence. They all knew Angel was right.  
  
It was not like Connor to disappear for that long. Actually, since the 'coffin incident', it was not like Connor to disappear at all.  
  
"We have to look for him. Cordelia, you stay here in case he shows up. Fred, Gunn, get on the streets and check out the usual places we hang out."  
  
"And you? What are you going to do?" Gunn asked.  
  
"Pay a visit to our friends at Wolfram & Hart."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It had been a very long day and Gavin was definitely getting on Lilah's nerves. He was so vain, barely competent, she was surprised he hadn't been fired yet.  
  
Distracted, Lilah walked to her car in the underground garage. She was pushing the button to disengage the alarm when someone grabbed her and slammed her against the car. She dropped the key set and the file she was holding in her hand.  
  
"Angel." She said in a casual tone, like he had politely greeted her instead of strongly holding her by the throat.  
  
"Where is he?" Angel asked through clenched teeth.  
  
"Who?" Lilah's tone was clearly indifferent, almost bored.  
  
"You know who."  
  
"Actually, I don't."  
  
"My son" hissed Angel.  
  
Lilah raised an amused eyebrow.  
  
"What? Did Junior disappear?"  
  
"Where did you take him?"  
  
"Believe me, as much as I would like to claim credit for that, I have absolutely no idea where your son is.  
  
Angel watched her closely for a few second, before releasing her. His guts told him she was telling the truth.  
  
"If I hear that you have anything to do with his disappearance, I will hunt you down. You tried with Cordelia, don't even start to think about this with Connor" he said for good measure.  
  
Without waiting for her reply, he left. He had a lot of places to search for his son.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Angel Investigations, we help the helpless."  
  
"Cordelia? It's Willow."  
  
"Willow, hi! I just got your message and wanted to call you back. We've been kind of busy, here."  
  
"It's ok. How have you been?"  
  
"Good. Somewhere in another dimension.again. Long story. What about you? And Tara?"  
  
There was a silence.  
  
"Tara's dead. She's been shot a few months ago."  
  
"Oh, Willow, I'm so sorry! I knew how much you loved her. Things aren't going too well here either."  
  
"Well, things got pretty ugly in Sunnydale too, partly because of me. It took some time for us to recover. But it's better now. Sort of. That's why I called you."  
  
"How can I help you?"  
  
"Dawn has left. Yesterday. We don't know exactly what happened, but she took her bag, and left Buffy a letter."  
  
"You must be kidding. Connor did exactly the same thing. Only he didn't leave a note. Angel thought it was the evil law firm we're fighting who kidnapped him, but I'm more and more convinced he ran off."  
  
"Wow, Cordelia, hold on a minute. What do you mean, Connor ran off? Isn't he supposed to be a baby?"  
  
"Oh, that's right. You don't know. Well."  
  
Cordelia proceeded to tell the whole story to Willow.  
  
"I can see that life in Los Angeles is far from boring" Willow said.  
  
"It's not really a change of scene from Sunnydale, that's for sure."  
  
"It's a good thing Connor and Dawn don't know each other, otherwise I would think they ran off together. Anyway, we know now that Dawn took the bus to L.A, so I just wanted to let you know, just in case."  
  
"You did well. Gunn and Fred are going to the bus terminal, so I'll ask them to ask for Dawn as well."  
  
"Thank you Cordy. We'll stay in touch. Say hi to Angel for me."  
  
"Sure. Bye."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The last two days had flown by so fast, Connor could not believe the bus was now pulling at the Seattle bus station. He didn't want to be there just yet, he didn't want to leave behind the wonderful brunette sitting next to him.  
  
"I guess this is our destination,» said Dawn with a very serious lack of enthusiasm.  
  
She didn't know where Connor was heading to. Like her, when she had asked, he had been very vague. But the thing she knew is that she didn't want to be parted from him. She really liked his company. He was easy going, rough around the edge but incredibly sensitive and gentle. Dawn was sure he didn't have an easy childhood because of his apparent toughness, but she could also perceive the tenderness of his heart. Wow, she thought, and all of this in two days. Talk about me having a major crush, here.  
  
Sadly, she looked at him.  
  
"This is where we part." she said quietly, standing up.  
  
NO ! yelled Connor's mind.  
  
He didn't want her to leave, he didn't want to be alone again. She was so nice, she felt so right. She hadn't judged him, just accepted him for what he was, even if he had only showed her a part of himself. His heart was craving her presence, his soul was crying her departure.  
  
Reluctantly, he stood up as well and they got out of the bus, grabbing their bags on the way. Once inside the bus terminal, she turned to him.  
  
"We had a great time. I really wish to see you again soon," she said with stings in her eyes. " I've got to go. Take care of yourself."  
  
"You too." he said, his pain matching her own.  
  
Without adding a word, Dawn turned around and left.  
  
Connor looked at her with his heart ready to burst. He couldn't let her go like that, he didn't know how to reach her. Then he remembered all the ugliness that the big city streets could hide, and he got scared for his brunette' safety. In a second, his decision was made. He would follow her discreetly, to make sure she would be safe. He had nothing else better to do anyway.  
  
He followed her for a good part of the afternoon and soon came to the realization that she didn't have any place to go, that she didn't have anybody to visit. She was just wandering along the streets, going from one shabby motel to another, obviously looking for a place to stay. As the evening approached and the sun began to disappear behind the buildings, Dawn was making her way in a more unfriendly part of town and Connor began to seriously fear for her safety. Gunn had shown him how to detect drug dealers, addicts, pimps and prostitutes, and Connor could see signs of all of them in the early evening lights. And some of these people, pimps in particular, were beginning to pay more and more attention to the now jumpy Dawn.  
  
"Hey Sweetie," a white man said gently approaching her.  
  
He was in his early forties, and at first sight, looked rather nice.  
  
"What are you doing here by yourself, at this hour? You know, it's really not safe around here for a young woman like you."  
  
Dawn looked at him frowning, taking a step back when he came too close. He seemed nice and genuinely concerned, but Dawn knew better. This guy was dangerous. She ignored him and tried to walk around, but he grabbed her arm.  
  
"You sure you don't want me to give you a ride?" the man heavily insist.  
  
"Dawn!" said Connor, appearing suddenly from nowhere. "There you are!"  
  
Relief washed over the terrified girl when she saw Connor. Smiling, he took her bag from her shoulder and put it on his.  
  
"I've been looking all over for you," he said smiling, although the smile never reached his eyes. "Mom should have given you better instructions."  
  
He took her arm and they began to walk away. The pimp didn't insist.  
  
As soon as they had turned the corner, Dawn stooped and looked at Connor, not sure if she should be happy or upset that he was there, that he had so obviously followed her.  
  
"You followed me." She said in a neutral tone, her pride almost getting the better of her and fueling her anger.  
  
"Yes, I did." he answered quietly.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I didn't want anything to happen to you,» he answered.  
  
Connor was now relieved and immensely happy he had made that decision, but he kept from telling her that. "You don't have anywhere to go, do you?" he asked gently.  
  
"What about you?" she defensively asked back, without answering his question.  
  
"Me neither." he answered shortly, her aggressiveness starting to get on his nerves. "I ran away," he admitted.  
  
Her eyes softened at his admission.  
  
"I did too." She said shyly.  
  
"Do you have any idea what to do?" Connor asked.  
  
Dawn shook her head negatively.  
  
"Do you want me to stay with you?"  
  
He was pretending he would do it as a favor.only he was probably the one who wanted to stay with her.  
  
"Ok. But only for tonight." she added defensively.  
  
He grinned, the same grin he had made in the bus when she had said something amusing.  
  
"Right. Any idea where we could go?"  
  
He had been shown how to recognize any crook in a city but not really how to find lodging.  
  
"I have an idea but my money is pretty limited." Dawn said.  
  
"I have some. We can share."  
  
She smiled at him and they walked back down the street, towards one of the motel she had visited earlier.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The room was small and smelled of cigarettes. It was far from being luxurious but at least the bed and the bathroom were relatively clean. They were back from getting a quick dinner at a small diner, not far from the motel, and Dawn was now looking through a newspaper she had been given at the restaurant.  
  
"What are you looking for?" asked Connor, intrigued.  
  
"For a place to stay." she answered without taking her eyes off the paper. We can't stay here too long, because we'll run out of money too fast."  
  
We. She had said 'we'. So she wanted them to stay together. Connor's heart swelled with unrestrained happiness at the thought that he was going to spend some more time with her.  
  
Grinning like an idiot, he emptied his pockets and put all the money he had in his possession on the table. Surprised, Dawn looked at him.  
  
"What is that for?"  
  
"Well, I guess it would be a good thing to know how long we can live with what we have."  
  
Dawn smiled and went to her bag to retrieve her money.  
  
Connor still had some problems grasping the value of things, especially since everything he had needed had been provided to him, whether he had been with Holtz, Justine or Angel, and he had no idea how much most of things cost. He knew he had about 400 $, but he had no idea how long that would last him. Dawn sat back at the table and began to count how much they had.  
  
"We have about 726 $," she finally said. "It's not a lot but it can last us for a little over a month if we are careful."  
  
Connor nodded his approval. Not that he had any real opinion, anyway.  
  
"But we have to find a place to stay other than here, because at 25 $ a day, we won't last three weeks, and we still have to eat." She said, putting her attention back to the newspaper.  
  
"Is there.is there something I can do?" Connor asked somewhat uncomfortable.  
  
He had offered to be polite but since he didn't really know what to do, he hoped she would say no.  
  
"Yes," she said, looking up and smiling at him. "Can you find a safe place to hide all this?" she asked, showing the money.  
  
Relieved, he smiled at her. That, he knew how to do. Afterwards, he came back and sat in front of her, just for the pleasure of watching her concentrate. She was chewing her bottom lip and he found that incredibly cute and sexy. She suddenly raised her head and he quickly looked elsewhere. That paint on the wall was really fascinating.  
  
"I've got some place that look ok, but we need a map."  
  
"Do you want to go and get one now?" asked Connor, looking at the darkness outside.  
  
"No," she answered, yawning. "Tomorrow will be fine. Now, I just want to shower and go to bed."  
  
She stood up, took her bag and locked herself in the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later she walked out dressed with a big t-shirt and leggings.  
  
She found Connor standing there, next to the door, completely naked, waiting for his turn for the shower. When she saw his uncovered manhood, Dawn blushed furiously and looked away, embarrassed.  
  
"You - You c-can go n-now," she said. "I.I'll sleep on the floor."  
  
"Please don't," Connor said. "The bed is big enough for both of us" he added innocently.  
  
Dawn was not sure if she should be scared or amused by his comment, and his obvious innocence. But one thing she knew for sure, she didn't want to have sex for the moment, with him or any other guy. She was still a virgin and had every intention to stay that way until she felt ready. And if he thought for a minute she would be willing to let him.  
  
"Don't worry," he said hastily, like he had perceived what was going on in her mind " I'm not going to hurt you." Connor walked rapidly into the bathroom and closed the door to hide his confusion, as well as an uncomfortable reaction growing in his groin.  
  
He didn't understand her uncertainty and fear when at his suggestion they shared the bed. She didn't seem afraid to share a hotel room and stay alone with him, but the idea of sharing a bed had made her clearly uncomfortable. He really didn't want to hurt here, and he had said so. He hoped that it was enough to make her comfortable again.  
  
He walked out of the shower, remembering a conversation he had had with Gunn a few weeks ago.  
  
"Why are pimps dangerous?" he had asked the black man.  
  
"Because they make woman have sex for money."  
  
"Sex?"  
  
"Yes, you know, 'sex' " Gunn had said, punctuating the last word with a synchronized movement of his hips and arms.  
  
Connor had frowned at him, totally at loss for what Gunn was referring to.  
  
"Don't tell me you don't know what sex is? Didn't people had sex on Quortoth?"  
  
"It's a Hell dimension."  
  
"Right. Guess that's not their number one priority, then. Boy, how am I going to explain this.Ok, sex is what happens when a man is with a woman and use this" he said, pointing to Connor's groin.  
  
Connor had remembered waking up a few mornings with this part oh his body erected. He had found out he could get some form of pleasure by touching himself.  
  
"And they use it when they are together?" he had asked, not really understanding how it was done.  
  
"Yes" Gunn had answered, moving from one foot to the other.  
  
"But women don't like it." Connor assumed, remembering how Gunn had referred to those having sex for money.  
  
"They do, but not always, no," Gunn had answered sadly, as if remembering some unhappy event from his past. "You see, for a woman to enjoy it, she needs to do it because she wants to. There are a lot of men in this world that would have sex with women even if they don't want it and that really hurts them.the women, I mean. It's illegal and called rape."  
  
"What about the women having sex for money? Is it rape?"  
  
"No, that's prostitution. But it's illegal too."  
  
"Then why do the women do it if they don't like it?"  
  
"It's complicated, I know. See, most women who are prostitute don't do it because they want to. They do it because they need money. They are generally drug addicts, or they ran away, and prostitution is an 'easy' way to get money. So it doesn't hurt them to have sex, but, in the long run, it hurts them mentally."  
  
Connor had kept quiet for a few seconds, absorbing the informations.  
  
"And the pimps in all that?" he had asked. "Pimps are like vultures. They feed on the weaknesses of people. Most of the time, they will spot a run away girl, be very nice to them for a while, get them on drugs and then put them on the street." Connor had found all this very awful. All the demons and hell creatures he had fought on Quortoth didn't seem that bad compare to some humans and what they were capable of. He didn't understand the specifics of 'having sex' entirely yet, but he knew for sure he didn't want to do it with a woman not willing to do it.  
  
He was not sure but Connor assumed that was what Dawn was afraid of. Gunn had also explained to him that most people had sex in their bedroom while supposedly laying on a bed, so Dawn had probably associated his bed-sharing proposition with that.  
  
The other thing that confused him greatly was the fact that his.thing had begun to erect while he was talking to Dawn about sharing the bed. All of a sudden, he had wanted her hand to touch him. The thought of her hand on him made him become rock hard and he gasped with an incredible want to get a release. He brought his hand to his hardness and began to move it back and forth, closing his eyes, the picture of Dawn's face in his mind. He soon found his climax. Rapidly, he washed himself again and rinsed the shower to erase any evidence of his activity.  
  
Most of the time, he would sleep naked, but considering what had just happened it was probably a very bad idea. He still felt a discomfort in his groin and didn't want Dawn to see him if he got erected again. He took the towel and wrapped it around his waist. Once he was done, he turned the bathroom light off and opened the door.  
  
Dawn was already lying on one side of the bed and shot him a nervous glance. He walked to his bag and grabbed a pair of boxers and put them on. He walked to the bed and laid next to her, pulling the blanket over. He closed his eyes.  
  
A few seconds later, he opened his eyes again and looked at the young woman next to him. She had her eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling.  
  
"Dawn, are you ok?" he asked gently. "If you prefer I sleep on the floor, it's fine."  
  
She turned her head and looked at him. His offer had visibly relaxed the tension in her body.  
  
"No, that's okay," she answered, smiling. "I'll be fine."  
  
That took Connor by surprise. He had totally expected her to accept his offer when he had seen the tension leave her body but no, she had said he could stay. He frowned at the contradiction and wondered if he would ever understand her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was barely dawn when Connor woke up the morning after. Something had awakened him but he didn't know what. He turned to Dawn. She was still sleeping but her sleep seemed turmoiled. Her face was contorted in an expression of pain and fear.  
  
"No." she said, moving her head from side to side, "Don't! Buffy, no!"  
  
Gently, Connor shook her to wake her up. She opened her eyes and looked at him.  
  
"Are you okay?" he asked.  
  
"Yes," she answered defensively, "I'm alright."  
  
Since Willow's episode with black magic, since she had been held prisoner in the hole in the ground with Buffy, Dawn had had nightmares. She kept dreaming that the demons hadn't disappeared and had overwhelmed Buffy, hurting her and sometimes even killing her. That was her biggest fear that Buffy died again. Even if they were not together anymore, Dawn knew Buffy was out there somewhere. That if it was necessary she could get on the first bus back to Sunnydale. But she wouldn't. She had made the decision to leave and to learn how to live on her own.  
  
She hadn't told anyone about her nightmares, she hadn't wanted them to worry. Since she hadn't had them in the past weeks, she had assumed they were gone. Obviously, she was mistaken.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Connor asked again.  
  
Oh yes, she did, but she wasn't ready to show him her weaknesses.  
  
"No, I'll be fine."  
  
She sat and looked around, chasing the sleep away from her eyes with her fists.  
  
"Are you hungry?" she asked him. "We have a long day, today, so we might as well get an early start."  
  
Without answering, Connor followed her suggestion. He sat on the bed, gathered his clothes and began to dress up. Dawn took her bag and went to the bathroom. A few minutes later, she walked out, all dressed and her hair tied up.  
  
"Ready?" she asked Connor.  
  
Connor nodded and followed her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
After a quick breakfast at Dunkin'Donuts, Connor and Dawn bought a map and started visiting apartments. Most places were pretty run down and they were now visiting their fifth place. That apartment was very small with only one room that contained the kitchen, a kitchen table and the bed, and a small bathroom with a tub and shower. At least the water was running and sometimes hot. The apartment as a whole was not very clean but it was better than anything else they had visited today.  
  
"I ain't asking a lot for it, but it's a neat little place, let me tell you." said the owner.  
  
Dawn definitely didn't like the way that guy was looking at her and stood closer to Connor. He was giving her the creeps with his fat belly, greasy hair and stinky cigar. And he was looking at her as if she was a naked piece of meat.  
  
"We'll take it," she said nonetheless. She didn't like the landlord but the apartment was the best one they had seen so far.  
  
"Well, lil' lady, if you want it, you got to pay the first month's rent now." said the landlord with a subjective smile.  
  
"No problem," Dawn said with all appearances of confidence. "If you give us half an hour, we'll bring it to you."  
  
The landlord frowned, apparently not convinced and Dawn showed him the best smile she could give. That did the trick.  
  
"Alright," said the landlord. I'm in apt. #12. I'll give you the key when you bring me the money."  
  
The landlord left leaving the door open behind him. Dawn went to close the door and turned to Connor. He was looking around, not sure what to do.  
  
"What do you think?" she asked.  
  
Connor shrugged. This looked like a palace compare to a lot of places he had stayed when he was on Quortoth.  
  
"It needs a lot of cleaning but it is way better than what we saw this morning."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* That night, when they went to bed, they had scrubbed the bathroom, washed the floor, the cabinet, the fridge and the dishes. They had also been to the Laundromat and had washed all the sheets, the comforter and the towels. But despite that, the sheets remained disgusting and stained and Dawn didn't want to sleep in them. The mattress was horribly stained as well, and Dawn had no desire to sleep one sheet away from it. Even if she didn't have anything to cover herself with, she laid on the comforter and tried to go to sleep.  
  
Puzzled, Connor looked at her. He didn't understand why she wouldn't sleep under the sheets. He had seen so much worse, but he guessed it was probably not her case. But they had washed everything, so. With a sigh, he wondered again about the mystery girl lying beside him.  
  
TBC. 


	4. 3 Realities

~*~Chapter 3 - Realities ~*~  
  
Cordelia found Angel alone in the lobby. He was busy with some papers, trying to put his mind on something else for a moment. He heard her coming and gave her a sweet smile.  
  
"How are you?" she asked.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"I don't know.sad, I guess. Once more he chose not to trust me and leave."  
  
"So you think he left on his own?"  
  
"What else could it be? He took most of his stuff.I think Lilah was telling the truth, for once. Wolfram and Hart is not involved, this time."  
  
"Oh, which reminds me.you know what's funny? Ok, maybe not funny.Buffy's sister, Dawn, she left too. A few days ago."  
  
By saying so, Cordy studied Angel's face, watching his reaction at Buffy's name. But he didn't flinch.  
  
"I guess it must not be easy for her to raise a teenager all by herself." He simply said.  
  
"Where are Gunn and Fred?" she asked, changing the subject.  
  
"I sent them home. If there is something, I'll call them. You can go home too, if you want."  
  
"And leave you all alone in that brooding mood of yours? No chance, mister."  
  
He smiled, secretly relieved. They hadn't had a chance to be completely alone since their return.  
  
"Cordelia?"  
  
"Mmm?"  
  
She was at her desk now, putting some of her papers in order. "We never talked.about that night."  
  
There was a moment of silence. She got up slowly.  
  
"Oh. That's right."  
  
She came closer, watching him in the eyes.  
  
"Do we really need to?"  
  
Boldly, she slipped in his arms, and he closed them around her.  
  
"I love you, Angel," she whispered softly.  
  
He closed his eyes. If this was not perfect happiness, it was dangerously close to it.  
  
"I love you too, Cordy."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Three days had passed since Dawn's departure. Buffy wasn't working that night, so she had plenty of time to think of how much she was a big failure. Her whole life was a big failure. Everything was a disaster. She couldn't even raise her younger sister correctly. Obviously, Dawn had thought that leaving was a better option than staying with her. Well, Buffy thought bitterly, isn't it what everybody's doing? Leaving? Even the only vamp.guy who was really worth it had left.  
  
Sighing, Buffy went in the kitchen but was not really in the mood to eat. The doorbell rang. Buffy wasn't expecting anyone. Had Dawn changed her mind, maybe? she wondered with hope, running to the door and opening it.  
  
It wasn't Dawn.  
  
"Oh." she whispered.  
  
Spike was standing in front of her. The first thing she noticed was the maelstrom of emotions visible on his face. Expectations, hope, love. Emotions that, she realized, were probably matching her own. "Good evening, Buffy." He said in a hoarse voice.  
  
"Spike."  
  
"I.uh.can I come in?"  
  
That seemed to wake her up. She opened the door wider and stepped aside.  
  
"Of course. I.I never did a de-invitation spell." She added, not knowing why.  
  
That pleased him. So he was not unwelcome. For the moment.  
  
"Are you alone?" he asked.  
  
"Yes. Willow's studying and Dawn is.elsewhere."  
  
Her heart was beating furiously. All the feelings she had denied and tried to forget were coming back all at once like a huge wave. Why did he come back? she wondered.  
  
Why did I come back? he wondered, realizing how painful and wonderful it was to see her again.  
  
"How are you?" he asked, also noticing her paleness and the blue lines under her eyes. She looked tired and worn.  
  
"I'm fine. You?"  
  
"Good.good."  
  
There was an awkward silence. He had decided not to stay. He just wanted to say a proper good-bye to Dawn.and to see Buffy one last time. So he didn't want to tell her, for his soul. It wouldn't change anything, after all.  
  
Buffy was studying her hands. Because when she was looking at him, she didn't know what to choose between rushing in his arms and yelling at him for leaving her. Neither of the solutions were a good idea anyway.  
  
"How are the Scooby's?" he asked, surprised that she was all alone. That house was always so full of life. Now it was quiet, but in a creepy way.  
  
"Willow's fine. She's going back to UC Sunnydale, which is a good thing. She needs to get her life back to normal after what happened."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"You don't know.? Oh, that's right, you had already left." She said, and was that accusation in her voice?  
  
"Where to start?" she continued with a sad smile. " Tara is dead. Warren shot her."  
  
"What?"  
  
Spike felt a pinch in his stomach. Tara? Dead? The most kind and gentle and sweetest girl he had ever met? Sadness filled him, and he knew it had nothing to do with his new soul. He had always liked the witch.  
  
"How come.? What happened?"  
  
"He came here with a gun, with the clear intention of killing me. One of the bullets hit Tara as well."  
  
"As well? You mean you were shot too?"  
  
"Yeah.but I didn't die, because you know.been there, done that." she said with a self-mocking smile.  
  
"The bloody bastard.I hope he paid for this."  
  
"Oh, he did, believe me. Willow took care of him. She tortured him before peeling his skin off. Then she tried to destroy the world. But, as you can see, she failed."  
  
"Willow.Red did all that?"  
  
Buffy acquiesced.  
  
"Magic got the best of her in the end."  
  
"Yeah.magic and its consequences.I had warned Xander about that. Did Anya and him make up?" "No. She left for England with Giles. Xander got a job in San Francisco."  
  
"Oh. So it's only you, Willow and the Nibblet."  
  
"Y..Yes."  
  
Another silence. Finally, Buffy asked:  
  
"Why did you come back, Spike?"  
  
"Don't worry, I'm not staying," he said, taking her question the wrong way.  
  
"You're not staying?"  
  
"No," he said, not noticing she had paled a little bit more. "I just came back to say goodbye to Dawn.and I needed."  
  
He paused, sighing, looking for his words.  
  
"If you want to apologize, don't bother," she said in a cold voice.  
  
He was not staying. He was leaving. He was leaving her, again.  
  
Surprised by her sudden harshness, he stuttered:  
  
"O..Ok. Can you tell Dawn.?"  
  
"I will." She said, not looking at him. Finally she met his eyes.  
  
"Are you done?"  
  
Taken aback at first, Spike recovered. Well, if she wanted to act like a cold bitch, it would make things much simpler.  
  
"Actually, no. Is my duster still here?"  
  
His duster. Of course. That's the only reasons why he had come back. Dawn and his duster.  
  
"I burned it," she said, without thinking, then regretting it the minute after she saw his face. He looked like she had punched him in the guts. "I see. I guess I'd better go, then."  
  
"Good idea."  
  
"That's too bad, you know," he said, not resisting getting on her nerves some more, " we could have make a nice couple."  
  
"No we couldn't. Because you left, like the others."  
  
"Yeah, well, Slayer, maybe you should start considering why all those men are leaving you. Maybe you are the problem. Did you ever think about that? There's something wrong with you, and I bloody know what I'm talking about!" he said, closing the door violently behind him.  
  
Shocked, Buffy slowly sat on the couch. He was right. And she had done it again. She had chased him away again with her coldness and her bitchy manners. And this time, he would not come back.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Spike stopped his bike at the cemetery entrance. What a bloody stupid idea I had to come back, he thought, rage and pain filling his heart. What did I ever see in her? She's just a cold frigid bitch who can't see a good thing.and why did she look so tired? he wondered, his love and concern getting the upper hand as usual.  
  
Bollocks, he went to Africa and got a soul! But you didn't do it entirely for her, a little voice in his head said. You did it for you as well.  
  
After travelling for some time, he had decided to come back one last time to Sunnydale. To see Dawn and Buffy. But staying would be too painful. She would never love him back. Especially after that ugly scene in the bathroom. But he didn't want to leave knowing she hated him. He wanted to talk to her one last time. He should have known it couldn't turn out the way he wanted.  
  
He picked some flowers and headed to Joyce's grave.  
  
"Hey Joyce.just wanted to say goodbye. Don't think I'll be back soon in this soddin' town.Nobody wants me here, anyway."  
  
He chuckled. "Listen to me, I sound like the poofter. Must be the soul. Cause I've got a brand new one, shiny and all.I think. Got it for Buffy, and, well, for me. But she doesn't love me." He said, not knowing he was echoing Riley's words of two years ago.  
  
He kneeled down.  
  
"So, I'm gonna stop whining now and leave. It's for the best, I suppose. I miss you, Joyce. I hope to see you again one day, in a better place than this one."  
  
He put the flowers on the grave, got up. Heading back to his crypt, he noticed a girl a little further, standing in front of another grave. He came closer and recognized her.  
  
"Willow?"  
  
She turned around, a little startled.  
  
"Oh. Hey Spike. I didn't know you were back."  
  
"And you should know better than to walk around in this cemetery at night."  
  
She laughed softly.  
  
"Oh, don't worry. Bad guys are more scared of me than I'm of them, what with me trying to end the world and everything."  
  
"Buffy told me. I'm sorry," he added, with a gesture towards the grave, which was Tara's.  
  
"She was the best of us. The sweetest girl I ever met. She didn't deserve to go that way."  
  
Willow smiled.  
  
"I know she's looking after me. After all of us, probably."  
  
"Even me?" he asked.  
  
"Certainly." She answered, and for the first time that night he felt at peace.  
  
Standing in front of Tara's grave, he shared a quiet moment with Willow.  
  
"So, you went to see Buffy?" she finally asked.  
  
"Yeah. It didn't go well. Although it's hardly a surprise."  
  
"I think she was hurt that you left. Not that she would ever admit it, of course. But I'm pretty sure she was."  
  
Spike was not convinced.  
  
"Well, she has a funny way to show it, then."  
  
"You know her.and with Dawn and the house, she's really having a hard time for the moment."  
  
"Dawn? What do you mean?"  
  
"Buffy didn't tell you?"  
  
"No. Did something happen to her?" he asked, immediately worried.  
  
"She left. Three days ago. She left a note, saying she would be fine and asking Buffy to not try to find her. But we don't really know why she left. Buffy said something about a misunderstanding. And all that on the day Buffy is told she has lost her house."  
  
"They are homeless?"  
  
"Buffy will be. She has to leave in two months."  
  
Spike shook his head, torn between anger and love.  
  
"Why didn't she tell me? We were having a normal conversation, and then suddenly she went all bitchy. The funny part is that I had just told her I was not staying. I thought she would be happy."  
  
"You told her you were leaving again? No wonder she gave you the cold treatment. Don't you know it's like her curse? Every man she cared about left her at some point.even you." "Yeah, well, I told her my opinion about that. And it doesn't change the fact that she burned my duster."  
  
Willow looked at him like he had started to speak Chinese.  
  
"She told you that? That she burned your duster? Wow, she must be pretty pissed off at you."  
  
"I'm rather used to it, but what do you mean?"  
  
"Your duster is hanging in her closet. It's been there all summer, and it was still there yesterday."  
  
Spike stayed silent, swallowing all this. No wonder she had acted like that. As usual, her life was a total mess.  
  
"I think I need to have a serious conversation with the girl," he finally said. Willow smiled.  
  
"I never thought I would say this but you're probably exactly what she needs."  
  
Obviously, Willow didn't know what had been going on just before he left.  
  
"Maybe. We'll see about that. Her brain is thicker than wood. She can be so annoying."  
  
"But you still love her."  
  
His face softened.  
  
"I always will."  
  
Willow felt the pain in his voice. Somehow, she understood him completely.  
  
"If you want to go back to talk to her, I won't be home until late."  
  
He nodded.  
  
"Thank you, Willow."  
  
"See you around?" she asked with a knowing smile. "Probably."  
  
And with a last nod to Tara's grave, he left.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hey Spike. Long time no see."  
  
"Yeah, Willy. I'm sure you missed me," Spike answered in a sarcastic tone.  
  
The bartender made a sheepish smile.  
  
"What can I give you?"  
  
"A whisky will be fine."  
  
He sat up at the bar, mumbling a 'thank you' when Willy handed him a glass full of the amber liquid.  
  
Spike didn't honestly know what he would tell Buffy. Part of him wanted to stick to his original plan: say goodbye to Dawn and leave without a glance back. Only Dawn wasn't there. Buffy was left alone, and soon homeless. Some part of him told him to not care and let the bitch manage her own business. But the other part was telling him to stay and help his Slayer. His Buffy.  
  
And as usual, that part won.  
  
His ears caught the song in the background. He recognized the lyrics of 'London Rain'.  
  
I'm coming home I'm coming home to you I'm alive, I'm a mess  
  
I can't wait to get home to you  
  
To get warm, warm and undressed.  
  
Coming home. How appropriate. Only life had nothing to do with a stupid song.  
  
So keep me, keep me in you bed all day Nothing heals me like you do.  
  
Yeah, no chance that would happen. He would probably not see the colour of the Slayer's bed sheets anytime soon. Not that they used a bed very often.  
  
And when I'm home, curled in your arms And I'm safe again I close my eyes and sleep, sleep,  
  
To the sound of London Rain  
  
Of course it would never happen like that. And they were in bloody Sunnyhell, not in London. He sighed, finished his drink.  
  
Time for the second round.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
They were all gathered in the Hyperion's lobby.  
  
"Still nothing?" asked Angel.  
  
"No, nothing," Fred answered.  
  
"Then what are we still doing here?" asked Angel shortly. "We have to go on searching."  
  
The three others looked at each other, unsure of how to tell Angel what they had discovered.  
  
"Tell him" Gunn said gently to Fred.  
  
"I was getting the money to go make the deposit for last week" told Fred. "All the money is gone."  
  
"We think Connor might probably have taken it," added Gunn.  
  
Angel looked at them with pain in his eyes. He didn't want to admit it, but deep inside he knew his friends were right, his son had run away. Nobody in town had seen Connor except for one person who remembered him at the bus terminal the morning of his disappearance.  
  
"Angel, if something wrong was happening to him, we would know. I would know," Cordelia said softly. "Like when Holtz kidnapped him?" Angel threw back in her face, regretting it the second that followed. But Cordelia didn't seem to mind.  
  
"Angel, you know that we were not told because it was meant to be," she said, still as gently. "And this time around, maybe Connor being away is also meant to be."  
  
"You know, Cordy's right, man. We won't find him unless he wants to be found," Gunn said. "We looked everywhere and we didn't find him. Let's face it, man, the boy is not in town anymore."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Working. They had to find jobs if they wanted to survive, had declared Dawn a few days into their co-habitation. And Connor knew she was right.  
  
He was walking on the docks, trying to figure out how to ask somebody for work. That was not easy. Gunn had told him that sometimes people along the docks hired others under the table with no question asked. You just had to be at the good place and the right time. Ok, but how to make it the good place and the right time? Connor wondered, before his thoughts rapidly flew to a more interesting subject: Dawn.  
  
His wonderful brunette, as he liked to think of her. It was only a week since he met her, but he could safely say that he liked her, a lot. She always seemed to know what to do, contrasting to him who barely knew anything normal about this world. He had no doubt he would have managed to survive on his own, but being with Dawn made things so much easier.so much nicer.  
  
At night, when he was looking at her sleeping on the bed but still refusing to touch the sheets, he still wished she would touch him. He was getting better at controlling himself. He didn't want to scare her and he figured that if she ever wanted to touch him, she would.  
  
Early this morning, when she had been ready to begin her search for a job, he had looked at her somewhat distressed.  
  
"I don't want you to go alone," he had said, worried, remembering very well what had happened only a few hours after they had walked out of the bus terminal.  
  
"But I have to," she had said. "If you are with me, nobody's going to give me a job."  
  
"But what if you run into other pimps?"  
  
"Don't worry," she had said smiling gently, slightly touching his arm. "It's early in the morning. And I don't intend to look for a job in an area full of prostitutes and pimps."  
  
"Ok, but let me go with you for part of the way." he had reluctantly conceded.  
  
"Fine," she had agreed. "Will you go look for a job too?" she had asked, walking in the bathroom to brush her hair.  
  
"Yes, I was thinking of going to the docks," he had answered.  
  
"Mmm. The docks? That's a good idea. I'm sure there are some restaurants over there. Maybe one of them is looking for somebody like me."  
  
So they had walked together and had gone their separate ways at the pier. Connor was still smiling at the thought of her when danger caught his attention. There, in the middle of the pier, stood a man who was talking on a cell phone while brandishing his other arm in the air. Right over his head was a huge crate of goods being moved by a crane. The crate was balancing dangerously in the wind and a ripping noise could be heard as the crane suddenly stopped in mid-air. Gathering all his speed and strength, Connor ran to the man and pushed him out of harm's way, tumbling down on the ground with him.  
  
"Hey!" yelled the man at Connor, visibly angry.  
  
At that moment, the crate came crashing down on the ground, breaking apart and spilling its content of fish all over the place. The man, who had paled visibly, looked at the place where he had just been standing with shock on his face. Connor offered him his hand to help him stand up. Once on his feet, the man looked at the broken crate again and then at Connor.  
  
"Son, I.I don't know how to thank you for what you just did. You.you saved my life. Oh, God! Wow will I ever be able to repay you?"  
  
Connor smiled, ready to say it wasn't anything, but then thought again.  
  
"Actually.I'm looking for a job," he said nicely.  
  
"A job? You saved my life and all you want is a job?" said the man surprised. "Are you sure you don't prefer money?"  
  
Connor smiled.  
  
"With a job, I'll have money on a permanent basis," he pointed out. "And I have some conditions" he added boldly. "Paid cash, 8$ an hour, no questions asked." He knew that 7$ was a little over the minimum wage.  
  
The man pondered this for a minute.  
  
"Well, kid, I guess there's something I can do for you," he finally said, putting his arm around Connor' shoulder. As a matter of fact, I own this fishing company and have four boats in the water. And I'm short of staff. Let's go to my office and see what you can do."  
  
An hour later, Connor was uploading carts of fishes from one of the returning fishing boat.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn walked along the street facing the port in search of another restaurant when she heard the crashing sound coming from the pier. She guessed there must have been an accident and she hoped nobody was hurt, especially not Connor.  
  
She liked him. A lot.  
  
He was so silent and kind of broody most of the time, but when he spoke to her, he was always gentle and nice. She wondered where he had grown up, since he seemed totally oblivious to a lot of basic things in today's society, although at the same time he was aware of some unconventional things like the black market, prostitution and fighting. He was so strange to the things he didn't know about and Dawn had to admit, she liked to rule the family, so to speak. She was the one 'wearing the pants', she thought with a chuckle.  
  
And even if she had known him for little over a week, she was already wondering how it would feel to have his strong arms around her, his lips on hers. She stopped thinking about him when she walked into a restaurant, the third one she was visiting that day.  
  
Like the two previous restaurants, it was chaos in this one. Burly men, most probably fishers, were eating breakfast waiting for the right tide before leaving the pier. Dawn stopped a waitress and asked for the owner. The girl pointed out to her a big matron behind the counter, who was yelling orders to everybody in a loud deep voice.  
  
"What do you want?" she asked Dawn with brusqueness when she got to the counter.  
  
"Uh.A job?" asked Dawn, taken aback by her rudeness.  
  
The matron looked at her.  
  
"See the old woman over there?" she asked, pointing out at an old lady sitting by the window. If you can satisfy * her *, you got yourself a job."  
  
"O..ok."  
  
Dawn looked at the old lady and frowned. The matron must be kidding her. That old woman looked so nice and gentle.  
  
"Here's an apron," said the matron, giving it to Dawn as well as an order pad and a pen. "Good luck."  
  
Dawn put the apron on and walked to the table with a genuine smile on her face.  
  
"Good morning," she said to the lady once she was at the table. "My name is Dawn and I'll be your server today. How can I help you?"  
  
Dawn was surprised that the line had come to her so naturally, especially since she had never done that before.  
  
The old lady turned from the window and looked with a sudden severe stare at Dawn, glancing at her from head to toes. Dawn withstood her gaze without losing her smile. She really needed the job.  
  
"Dawn? Is that even a real name?" asked the lady sharply.  
  
"Yes, it is and it's mine." Dawn answered calmly.  
  
"Dawn, what kind of name is that anyway? Why in hell would you name someone after the sun raising in the morning?"  
  
Dawn knew it was meant as an insult but decided to overlook it.  
  
"Well, it's a family thing, really," she answered lightly. "My sister's name is Buffy."  
  
"Buffy?" chuckled the old lady. " I have to admit, Dawn's a lot better. So, you want to work here, I guess. Why here?"  
  
For one reason or another, Dawn didn't feel like lying to the old woman.  
  
"Because I need money, and I want to be paid cash."  
  
"Well, young girl, your honesty is honourable.I like that in a person. I'll have a coffee, two creams, three sugars, and two eggs with sausages, three ketchups, two strawberry jellies and brown toasts."  
  
Without even writing it, Dawn repeated the order to the lady and walked back to the counter where she took her pad and wrote it down. Thankfully she had a very good memory and had always been impressed by the waiters who could take orders without writing them down.  
  
"That was quick." Said the matron to Dawn.  
  
Dawn smile and gave her the ticket. I grew up on the Hellmouth, and my best friend was a vampire, she thought. I'm not gonna be impressed by a grumpy old woman.  
  
"Coffee's over there," the matron said frowning, surprised that Dawn got the order at all.  
  
Dawn took a cup and the coffee, with the milk and the sugar, and walked back to the old lady's table.  
  
"Do you want me to put the milk and sugar in it for you?" she asked while pouring the coffee.  
  
"Please." answered the old lady.  
  
Dawn served two other tables without incident. It had quieted down a bit when the old lady stood up and walked to the counter.  
  
"Martha!" she yelled at the matron. "I like her. Hire her. At least she has manners and honesty.and pay her well."  
  
Dawn, who was standing not very far, looked at Martha. The matron shrugged and went back to the kitchen. When she went to clean the table, Dawn found a 10$ tip waiting for her.  
  
TBC. 


	5. 4 Normalcy

~*~ CHAPTER 4 - Normalcy ~*~  
  
Spike hesitated a mere second before knocking at the door of the Summers' residence. His coming back kind of ruined his previous stormed departure of two hours ago. But she had some explaining to do.and so did he. He knocked and the door was opened almost immediately.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, not letting her the time to react to his sudden reappearance, like for instance by shutting the door in his face.  
  
"What?"  
  
"About Dawn. And the house. Why didn't you tell me?"  
  
Buffy was looking at him with a zombie-like face. He waves his hand in front of her.  
  
"Buffy? Are you in there?"  
  
"What?" she repeated, before realizing she was sounding like a total idiot, and Spike was looking at her that way. But she was too surprised to see him back so soon. To see him back * at all *. She hadn't even registered his words.  
  
"How do you know?" she finally asked.  
  
"Can I come in.uh, again?"  
  
"Oh.yes."  
  
For the second time that evening she let him walked into her house. Could this evening get any weirder? she thought in a blur.  
  
"How do you know?" she asked him again.  
  
"Willow told me. She mentioned it, thinking I knew."  
  
She nodded, sitting on the couch. He frowned.  
  
"What the bloody hell happened?"  
  
"The house had a mortgage.I forgot to pay it.end of story. That's me, Buffy the Irresponsible Vampire Slayer."  
  
He sat down on the table in front of her.  
  
"And for Dawn?"  
  
"I don't know.well, I guess that it's some kind of misunderstanding. I was talking to Giles on the phone, about Willow. Dawn probably thought I was talking about her. I don't see any other reason. She left a note."  
  
"Do you have any idea where she wanted to go?"  
  
Buffy shrugged.  
  
"If I knew, don't you think I would be there already? I know she took a bus to Los Angeles. And from there she probably took another one to somewhere else in the country."  
  
Spike stood up, pacing in the living room.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked for the third time.  
  
She gave him a furious glare.  
  
"Sorry, I didn't know you were interested. Seemed to me you just wanted to say goodbye to my sister and get back your stupid coat. You seemed rather in a hurry."  
  
"That's not true and you know it. Buffy."  
  
He sighed before sitting back in front of her.  
  
"I want you to listen to me. The reason why I came earlier tonight."  
  
He stopped, looking for his words.  
  
"Bloody Hell," he muttered. "It was easier when I was rehearsing it in my head."  
  
She was staring at him with a blank expression, which wasn't helping.  
  
"I know you told me to not bother to apologize.and to be honest it wasn't my intention. The way I hurt you.how could I ever apologize for that? I don't see how words can make it better. So I figured the best way was to leave. To get out of your way. And at one point I had decided to never come back. But it was too hard.staying away from you.and Dawn.I hadn't had a chance to tell her a proper goodbye."  
  
Her face softened a little bit and it encouraged him to go on.  
  
"I don't give a damn about that soddin' coat. Since I was there, I just asked.but the reason I came back was you, to see you one last time, and tell you.explain to you what happened in my head. I was a total wreck. Like I told you, I wanted to make it stop. I didn't listen, when you said no.it always meant yes before.and it's not an excuse, I know. Like there's no coming back from that."  
  
She looked at him in the eyes before saying,  
  
"I never asked you to leave, Spike."  
  
He looked at her incredulously.  
  
"What else could I do?"  
  
"Last year has been horrible. Everything. To be honest, I don't remember one single moment of happiness.except when I was with you."  
  
He almost fell off the table.  
  
"What you did.yeah, you crossed the line, that night. But I did tell you awful things. The part where I didn't trust you.that was a lie. You didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve any of the things I did to you. So we are both guilty. On the same level. But I would lie by saying I forgot about what happened that night.because you scared the hell out of me. And I'm not scared easily, especially not by you. You were the person I could count on, and suddenly all that was left was fear. I don't want to feel that about you ever again."  
  
He nodded, not saying a word, digesting what she had just said. He looked at her. The blank expression was gone. And she was sitting straight, like what she had just said had relieved her from a weight. He was feeling exactly the same way.  
  
"So.where do we go from here?" he said, smiling back at the memory. She smiled too and he realized he had lost hope to see her do that again. At least towards him. The relief almost made him choke.  
  
"What are your plans?" she asked.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"The original plan was to leave tomorrow.but it's not like someone's waiting for me. I can stick around for a few more days.that is, if you want me.to help you," he added quickly."  
  
"Yes.that would be good."  
  
They looked at each other uncomfortably, not really knowing what to do or say. They had a long way to go to bring things back to normal.not that there was any sense of normalcy about the two of them.  
  
"Did you say Dawn left a note?" he asked.  
  
She shook her head, getting out of the torpor that his eyes on her had created.  
  
"Yes. I'll get it."  
  
She came back and handed the letter to him. He read it quickly.  
  
"Did you know she was feeling like a burden?"  
  
"Of course not. I don't understand why she never talked to me about this.ok, I wasn't probably the best sister in the world lately.Do you think you can help me to find her?" she asked hopefully.  
  
"No." he said flatly.  
  
"What? But you just told me."  
  
"Buffy, Dawn don't want you to find her. It's clearly written in that letter."  
  
"I know what's written, I've read it a hundred times! But I can't stay without doing something. I mean, can you? Don' t you care about her?"  
  
"You know I do. That's why I won't do anything. She wants to be on her own. I don't think she made that decision in one night. It was probably something she had thought about for some time. She felt it was the right time and she left."  
  
"Yes, but.that doesn't make things better. I can understand she wants to be on her own, but.she could have been on her own in Sunnydale."  
  
"Of course not. You wouldn't have let her. Be honest, Buffy."  
  
She put her face in her hands, knowing he was right.  
  
"Am I such a horrible person to live with? Uh, don't answer that question."  
  
He smiled.  
  
"Buffy, Dawn is not a little girl anymore. If she needs you, she'll come back, or she'll call."  
  
"Yeah, unless she's dead or left as such in some horrible hole. I can't help but be worried, I'm sick with worry. And I feel so helpless, that's the worst part."  
  
"I can understand that. But there's nothing you can do. You have to accept it. And you should concentrate on the fact that you'll be homeless in a few weeks."  
  
"I bought some real estate guides. I'm planning to start looking tomorrow.and Willow put out an ad for the furniture."  
  
"You mean you can keep them?"  
  
"Yes, but I won't need most of them. If I can sell them, I can get some money from it."  
  
He nodded, unable to believe this place would be lost to them in a few weeks. He remembered long evenings sitting in the kitchen with Joyce, talking and laughing.watching the telly with Dawn.even sharing Buffy's bed once or twice. She wasn't showing it, of course, but the whole thing probably crushed her.  
  
"If you have no other alternative, you can still stay at my crypt when I'm gone" he offered.  
  
She grimaced. " A little bit too dark and sinister, I suppose," he said.  
  
"Too many memories." She corrected in a soft voice.  
  
There was another moment of awkward silence. Buffy suspected that there would be a lot of it between them in the following days. The whole situation was really weird but at the same time she was feeling strangely comforted.  
  
"Right," said Spike finally, "It's getting late. I'd better go back."  
  
"Ok."  
  
He had already opened the door when he heard her say,  
  
"You can stay.if you want. In the basement, or.here, on the couch."  
  
He closed his eyes. Oooh, the temptation. Why was she doing this to him? Or did she want to show him she trusted him again?  
  
He turned to her.  
  
"I don't think that's a good idea, Slayer."  
  
"No. You're right. It's too soon."  
  
Too soon for what? They both thought.  
  
"I'll see you tomorrow, ok? We can patrol together?"  
  
"Sure. Goodnight."  
  
" 'Night."  
  
And he was gone. But this time, Buffy knew he would come back.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was getting late, and almost completely dark outside. Dawn was still not home. Connor was pacing the apartment, his worry increasing with every minute. He had finished his first day of work, after 5pm, and had brought home 65 $. He had been so happy to finally earn some money so they could live a little better. But right now, he was worried. Dawn wasn't home and he didn't know where she was. He was about to grab his coat and go look for her when he heard her put the key in the lock and she walked in.  
  
"Dawn! Are you okay?" he asked, walking to her, relieved. "Did somebody attack you?"  
  
"No, don't worry, I'm fine," she said, smiling at him. "I was working. Did you find a job?"  
  
"Yes," he said, smiling back. "I just saved that guy's life and he gave me a job. Funny, huh?"  
  
"On the fishing boat?" Dawn asked, realizing what was the smell lingering in the air.  
  
"Yes. How did you know?" asked Connor, very intrigued.  
  
"The smell" she answered. "Fishes have a particular smell. Like greasy restaurants," she added, realizing she didn't smelled any better.  
  
Connor grinned.  
  
"Did you have dinner?" she asked, taking off her coat.  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you want to eat out? We could celebrate. We both found work quickly."  
  
"Ok."  
  
One way or the other, he didn't care. He was glad she was safe.  
  
"But I won't leave this apartment without taking a shower. You want to go first?"  
  
Connor nodded and disappeared in the bathroom. Dawn emptied her pockets that were filled with her day's earnings. She had about 60$. She also found Connor's money on the table and wondered how he would view her taking over their finances. He hadn't said anything about it so far, but she didn't want to do something that would displease him in any way. She would bring the subject up over dinner.  
  
About an hour later they were sitting in a nearby restaurant, waiting for their food.  
  
"You know," said Dawn, "We need to make a budget otherwise we won't be able to make it."  
  
Connor didn't really understand why they had to pay for everything all the time, but he guessed Dawn was right. In Quortoth, he would only steal from demons he had slain.  
  
"What do you suggest?" he asked.  
  
"I figured that if we put aside about 25 $ a day, we should be okay for the rent and the groceries."  
  
"Okay." said Connor simply.  
  
"Don' t you have anything else to say in this?" she asked, getting exasperated.  
  
"Not really. You' re more update about those things than me. Just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it."  
  
Dawn looked at him and frowned.  
  
"You're serious?"  
  
"Yeah! I'm not really good at budgeting," he said, before adding "Ok, I don't even know what the word means."  
  
"Okay then," she said hesitantly. That's what she had wanted all along, but having Connor give in so fast took her a little by surprise.  
  
"What's wrong?" asked Connor when he saw the uncertain look on Dawn's face.  
  
"I.I didn't thought you would let me take on finance over so easily."  
  
"Dawn, where I grew up, money was not really important. So I never really learned how to.budget, and the value of things.now, if you want to show me, I would love to learn," he added almost sheepishly.  
  
Dawn made a genuine smile.  
  
"I can do that. Not that I'm the queen of budgeting.and I didn't had a great example in my sister, considering she lost our house.but I guess there were circumstances.anyway, I'll show you what I know. And it makes me think, we really need to find a place to hide our money. Frankly, I don't trust the landlord and the lock on our apartment."  
  
"That I can do," said Connor, smiling. "I was good at hiding things where I grew up."  
  
"Good, cause I was never very good at it" Dawn said, remembering how easily  
  
Anya had found her stolen goods some months ago. "You know, thinking of it, I'm sure we'll do fine. And maybe soon we'll be able to move in a better apartment."  
  
Connor smiled at her optimism and attacked his dinner just as the waitress had dropped it off.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Connor was alone today. It was his day off. That morning he had walked Dawn to the restaurant then back home. Dawn was getting increasingly tired. Since she still refused to get under the blanket, she didn't sleep well at night and, after six days of working eight to ten hours a day, her fatigue was beginning to show. She barely laughed anymore, so tired was she, and Connor was beginning to cruelly miss the light and free spirit of his wonderful brunette.  
  
So, with this in mind, he took some of the money he had left with him and left the apartment right after he got back from dropping Dawn. He took a city bus to the nearest Wal-Mart. He was glad that during his time in L.A, not only had Cordelia shown him how and where to shop, she had also explained how to use the mass transit, saying that until he got a car of his own, mass transit would be a very useful alternative.  
  
Getting to the store took a little longer than he thought, but it was all worth it if he wanted his Dawn back. He walked in and went immediately to the bed and bath section. Rapidly, he chose sheets and a new comforter that he liked, and that would fit their bed. He also grabbed two pillows and looked for a mattress cover like the one they had. Walking in front of the towels, he grabbed two big light blue ones, bigger than the one they had at the apartment, and a few face clothes. Dawn didn't like the ones they had and was using them very reluctantly.  
  
Happy with his selection, Connor walked to the cashier. It cost a little more than he had thought, but since he didn't really have any idea of the value of those things, he had brought a lot more money that he needed. He was glad Dawn had proposed to teach him those things, because most of the time he was feeling really clueless, and he hated that. He didn't like feeling stupid, especially in front of her.  
  
A few hours later, he was back at the apartment, after a trip to the laundry mat to wash the sheets and towels. Doing the laundry had not been an easy feat but an old gentle woman had helped him figure it out.  
  
He had just finished making the bed when Dawn walked in with her hands full of diner's bags.  
  
"I bought us a little something," she said, then looked up at Connor and saw the bed. "Oh my God."  
  
She walked to the table and dropped the bags then walked to Connor who was grinning like a happy idiot.  
  
"Do you like it?" he asked.  
  
"What? Of course I do!" said Dawn, looking at the bed again.  
  
"See, I even got a mattress cover so the sheets won't be directly on the bed." He said, showing it to her.  
  
"How did you.? I mean, where."  
  
"Well, I had some money left," he explained shyly. "I thought that, you know, it would be more comfortable."  
  
"You bought this for me?"  
  
Connor nodded with a shy smile.  
  
"Oh Connor! Thank you so much!" she exclaimed, throwing herself against his chest.  
  
Of all the reactions she could have had, he hadn't expected.well hoped.that one. Slowly, he brought his arms around her and hugged her gently.  
  
"I'm glad you're happy," he said quietly, bringing his hand to her hair. They were so soft and silky. He liked the feel of it under his fingers, and the feel of her against his chest. And he felt his body reacting to her closeness.  
  
"What did you bring for dinner?" he asked to hide his growing discomfort, and reluctantly let go of her.  
  
"Some chicken sandwiches from the restaurant," she said, walking to the table and setting it up.  
  
They ate in a comfortable silence, and once they were done they went outside for their daily walk. At a lack of anything better to do, they had begun to walk after dinner, exploring their neighbourhood and sometime getting supplies for their apartment.  
  
That night, when they began to walk, Dawn's hand found its way to Connor's and they walked hand in hand, relishing each other's company.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A little bit before nine the following night, Spike showed up at the Summers' residence.  
  
"Ready to go?" he simply asked.  
  
She nodded, took her jacket and they both headed to the cemetery.  
  
At first they walked in silence, not really knowing what to say. It seemed silly to say something trivial and they had no idea how to bring up important stuff either.  
  
To Buffy, it felt strange to patrol alongside him again. She had thought for a moment it would never happen again. And she had become so accustomed to his help that when he was gone, she hated to have to patrol alone. She had done it for years, but a few vampires and demons ass-kicking with Spike had changed that. So she was glad when Dawn started coming with her.  
  
"Is your chip still working?" she suddenly asked out of the blue.  
  
He shot her a surprised glance.  
  
"Yeah.I think. It's been a while since I had a fight with a human, so.but I guess it does. Why?"  
  
She shrugged it off.  
  
"I don't know.you just look.different."  
  
"Different how?" he asked, trying to look unconcerned by her statement.  
  
"Dunno.I can't put the finger on it."  
  
He smiled wickedly.  
  
"That's too bad. You were rather good at that."  
  
She hid her own smile. He was still able to joke. Badly, but still.  
  
"So," he said, bringing the conversation on safer ground, "What's up with the rest of the Scooby's? Didn't you mention Demon girl going back to England with the Watcher?"  
  
"Yes, and please try to avoid the saucy suggestions."  
  
"Looks like old Rupert still got it, then. Did something really happen between them?"  
  
"We don't know. Dawn thinks so. But they always stayed very discreet, if there was ever a reason to stay discreet, that is."  
  
"I always thought they made a good couple. Remember when we lost our memories and they thought they were engaged? I didn't fancy her too much to be my step mom, though."  
  
"Besides, sleeping with your step mom doesn't help for good family relationship either," Buffy said in a slightly acid tone.  
  
"Uh, right. I guess not."  
  
Bloody hell. He should have known that mentioning Anya was not a good idea.  
  
"What about Harris, then?" he asked, quickly changing the subject - again.  
  
"Like I told you, he was promoted. A good job offer in San Francisco. Willow and I persuaded him to go. He'll be back in a fe."  
  
"I NEED BLOOD!"  
  
They both jumped in surprise and turned around. A vampire, freshly raised, was looking at them in a very unfriendly way.  
  
"Excuse me, buddy, I was talking here. Don't you know it's very rude to interrupt people like that?"  
  
"I NEED BLOOD!" yelled the vampire again, starting to walk towards Buffy. She took her stake from her pocket.  
  
"And stop shouting, you're gonna wake the dead."  
  
He launched himself at her and all she had to do was plunge the stake in his chest.  
  
"Was that guy stupid or what?" she wondered with amazement while brushing the dust off her jacket.  
  
" 'I need blood'?" Spike quoted the vampire-turned-dust with a frown. "Where did that come from? The bloke watched too much Dracula B-movies."  
  
"Let's hope he didn't wake his friends, because I reached my slaying quota for tonight."  
  
He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"One vampire is your slaying quota per night? I hope they are not multiplying too much, then. I thought this was the bloody Hellmouth." "And it's still is, unfortunately. It's just.well, I have so many things on my mind.I know the slaying should come first.and if Giles was here, he would probably beat my fingers with a cloth."  
  
"After cleaning his glasses," said Spike with a smile.  
  
"I have two appointments to visit apartments after tomorrow. And I hope to have some quick answers to the ad Willow put out for my furniture. Don't you have friends looking for a bed or a table?" she asked him half- jokingly.  
  
He thought for a moment then frowned.  
  
"Actually.."  
  
"Spike, I was joking," she said.  
  
"I don't. Let me get back to you about this, alright?"  
  
"Uh.Alright."  
  
He walked her home. She opened the door.  
  
"Do you want.uh.no, you probably don't," she said, feeling her heart melting under the sweet smile he gave her.  
  
"Goodnight, Slayer. I'll see you soon."  
  
"Ok. When?"  
  
Try to look a little bit * more* impatient, Buffy. And try to think before opening your big mouth.  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"Tomorrow, probably."  
  
"Ok. Bye."  
  
He walked back to the street. She called him back.  
  
"Spike?" "Yeah?"  
  
"That thing I told you about being different.I meant it in a good way. I'll try to figure out what it is."  
  
"I'm sure you will, Buffy."  
  
And I bloody well hope you won't, he thought. Not before I decide it's the right time and the right place. And that it's worth it.  
  
TBC. 


	6. 5 New Friends

~*~ Chapter 5 - New Friends ~*~  
  
Spike arrived early the next morning.  
  
"You should really get out of that 'walking in the morning sun' phase," she told him when he burst into the kitchen under his sizzling blanket.  
  
"I'll think about it. In the meantime, I think I found a solution for your furniture. But I need you to trust me."  
  
She frowned.  
  
"Ok, I don't like it when you talk like that. That means you're up to something evil."  
  
"Well, that's what I am, right?" he said with a smirk. "But no, not this time. Uh, not ever, in fact. But we're digressing. I need you to put a sign on each piece of furniture you want to sell."  
  
Buffy put her breakfast dishes in the sink.  
  
"Ok.and then what?"  
  
"Then that's the part where you have to trust me. I'm waiting for a confirmation, that's why I can't tell you now."  
  
"But I'm working this afternoon. I won't be here."  
  
"I know. So, do you trust me with this?"  
  
"I so don't like the sound of this," she sighed. "But I guess I don't have much choice.and people are not exactly banging at my door to buy them so.Ok."  
  
He smiled.  
  
"Good.you won't regret it. I think," he added, to Buffy's horror.  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Kidding. Bye!"  
  
And then he was gone.  
  
Did I just accept to trust Spike with my furniture? Oh my God. That's it. I'm crazy.  
  
She took some pieces of paper and started to put them on the things she wanted to sell. It was a difficult choice, because her mom had bought all of them. They even had bought some of them together. Her mom's room was the hardest. She sat on the bed, fighting tears.  
  
"I'm sorry, mommy. I didn't want it to happen that way."  
  
She shook herself and went back to her room to put on her uniform. She had no house, currently no sister, soon no furniture.but at least she had a job, so she should better make the best of it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Two days passed and no sign of Spike. When Buffy had come home the night before, all the furniture with a sign was gone. The house looked horribly empty. There was only some pieces left, and boxes Buffy had put their personal stuff in.  
  
She had walked in the house slowly. Only the kitchen had remained the same, so that's where she had spent most of her evening. The other rooms were too ghost-like.  
  
Willow was gone for a few days on a retreat; something Buffy knew had to do with magic, or rather how to deal with it. A sort of Magic Addicts Anonymous. But Willow wasn't allowed to talk too much about it. When she would be back, she would be moving into the dorm.  
  
The phone rang. It was Xander.  
  
"Hey Buff. How are you doing?"  
  
"Hey Xander. Are you sitting down? If not, you'd better."  
  
She proceeded to tell him the last events. But she carefully left out the whole Spike part.  
  
"Wow.So I guess no parties at Casa Summers anymore. I'm so sorry, Buffy. When are you gonna move?"  
  
"As soon as I find a new place. I had appointments tonight but they called to say it was sold. I have another one tomorrow."  
  
"Call me as soon as you know your new address. You know, if you need me I can arrange some stuff here and come back for a few days."  
  
"Thank you, Xander, but no. I've got some help here, there's Willow and."  
  
And Spike, who came back but in the meantime, vanished with all my household goods.  
  
".and friends from work. I'm gonna be ok. I'm more worried about Dawn."  
  
"You're sure? If you change your mind, just tell me and I'll be there."  
  
"I will, promise. Thanks for calling, Xander."  
  
He sounded so much better than a few weeks ago that she didn't want to involve him in all her problems again.  
  
So it was almost 6 o'clock that day, a little bit before the restaurant got busy again. Buffy was preparing the table for the evening when she heard the doorbell.  
  
"We're not open ye.Spike! Where have you been? I was so worried!"  
  
"You were? That's so sweet."  
  
"Not about you. About my furniture!"  
  
He smiled. He could see she was furious, and he liked nothing like to put her in that state.  
  
"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Slayer. In a few minutes I'll be your best friend. Do you have five minutes?"  
  
"Yes. So, what did you do?"  
  
"Well, I heard there was that auction outside Sunnydale.a special kind of auction, for demons and such. So I took your furniture, with the help of a few friends, and went there, hoping to sell most of it."  
  
Buffy slowly sat down.  
  
"You mean you sell my furniture to a bunch of demons and.vampires?"  
  
Her face was the image of incredulity. But the anger seemed to be gone.  
  
"What? You have to go beyond your prejudices, Slayer. All demons don't live in creepy sewers. Some of them like a nice, comfy place."  
  
"I can't believe this," she muttered.  
  
"Maybe you'll believe this, then," he said while handing her a roll of banknotes. A very thick roll of banknotes.  
  
"It's a pretty sum," he said. "It will help you to face the first couple months rent."  
  
She took it.  
  
"I have to visit an apartment tomorrow," she said in a hoarse voice. "Do you want to come with me?"  
  
"Sure. What time?"  
  
"Uh.Pick me up at seven?"  
  
"I'll be there."  
  
"Spike, I.thank you," she laughed. "That sounds lame, but I don't know what else to say."  
  
He would never cease to amaze her. He had just almost saved her life. Again.  
  
She gave him a bright smile, the first she had in weeks.  
  
"Did you take your commission?" she asked.  
  
"Your smile is my commission, Slayer."  
  
And he left, leaving her much richer - and not only with money.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Today was an awfully rainy day but Dawn was happy, relaxed and rested. Connor's gift had proved to be a blessing and after a lazy day off yesterday, spent in bed, in the comfort of new sheets, catching up on overdue sleep, she felt great.  
  
She was cleaning up the table at the restaurant. It was surprisingly quiet, today. The boats were out at sea and the other potential customers were chased away by the pouring rain. Most of the other waitresses were complaining about the slow day and the lousy tips, but not Dawn. She kept herself busy and didn't think too much about the tip she could have had.  
  
She had already cleaned up half the tables when the old lady walked in. Dawn still didn't know her name, only that she was a regular visitor. She always sat at the same table and Martha had assigned her to Dawn. The other waitresses didn't like the old woman, but Dawn did. And not only because she tipped very generously.  
  
"Good morning! How are you today?" asked Dawn while bringing her a cup of coffee.  
  
"Dawnie," said the old woman smiling. "You sure look rested today, and happy I might add. What's going on?"  
  
"My boyfriend," said Dawn. "He bought me a new set of sheets, and a comforter and a bed cover, and they are * so * comfortable."  
  
"That is very thoughtful of him."  
  
For a reason she couldn't understand, Dawn had felt like opening up to the old lady and had told her about Connor, referring to him as her boyfriend. When did I start thinking about him that way? she wondered.  
  
"Dawn, it's not busy, today. Why don't you fetch me my breakfast and come sit with me?" "I'd love to, but I don't know if I can," she said, looking at Martha behind the counter.  
  
"Martha!" yelled the old lady.  
  
"Yes, Miss Annigan?"  
  
"I want this young lady to keep me company during my breakfast,"  
  
"Yes, Miss Annigan."  
  
"And don't you dare dock her pay check!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah," answered Martha, walking back to the kitchen.  
  
"See, now you can, child. Go get me that breakfast then we will talk."  
  
Dawn left and came back a few minutes later with Miss Annigan's breakfast. Finally, Dawn could put a name on the old, nice lady.  
  
"So, Dawn," said Miss Annigan once Dawn was sitting down. "Where are you from?"  
  
"Sunnydale, California."  
  
"Oh, really? What are you doing so far away from home? I know you're on your own with your boyfriend, but aren't you a little young?"  
  
"I'll be 17 in a few months."  
  
"So young.I wish I was your age again," said Miss Annigan dreamily. "So, what made you come to Seattle? It rains all the time, here."  
  
"So I noticed," smiled Dawn. She hesitated a mere second before adding," I left because my sister was having enough problems as it is without me around."  
  
"And your parents?"  
  
"My mom is dead, and my dad.well, he's as good as dead."  
  
They spoke for about one hour and Dawn told Miss Annigan about Tara's death, Spike's departure (leaving aside the him-being-a vampire part), Buffy losing the house, her meeting with Connor and moving in with him. She felt so relieved afterwards that she realized all that stuff had weight heavily on her without her even noticing it.  
  
She also learned that Miss Annigan's first name was Mathilda and that she was a widow. Her husband and her son had been lost at sea about fifteen years ago, and she had no family left. She came to the restaurant everyday because she used to come and eat here with her husband and son before they would leave for the boat.  
  
Dawn thought that Miss Annigan' story was incredibly sad, but the old woman had also hilarious anecdotes about her life. Dawn did not understand why the other girls didn't like Mathilda and never took the time to see beyond that grumpy attitude she had at first. But it was all for the best because so she was the one to take care of the old woman.  
  
"So, Dawn, when am I going to meet this young man of yours?"  
  
"Oh.I don't know," answered Dawn, taken by surprise. "I can ask him to come and have breakfast before he goes to work one of these mornings."  
  
"I would like that. I would love to meet him.  
  
Dawn smiled.  
  
"I'll ask him and let you know tomorrow,» she said.  
  
"Good! Now I've got to go. It will be lunch soon and I'm sure Martha will need you," said Mathilda, standing up.  
  
Dawn stood up too and took the empty plate.  
  
"Yes, I guess. But it was nice talking with you."  
  
"Oh, well, thank you dear!" said Miss Annigan smiling. "Now, go. I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
Dawn left and when she came back to clean the table, she found 20$ on it.  
  
Wow, she thought. At this pace I'll be soon able to buy the restaurant itself.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Son, come here!" called Roger, Connor's boss.  
  
Connor came running. The rain had poured down all morning and he was definitely glad that his boss had given him some rain clothes on his second day of work.  
  
"Do you know how to drive that thing?" asked Roger pointing to a small vehicle that looked like a golf cart.  
  
Connor nodded. Simon, another employee, had shown him a few days ago.  
  
"Ok. I want you to take it to go deliver all that fish to the market."  
  
"Where is it?"  
  
"Third alley that way, you turn right and you'll see it. Stay in the alley, don't go on the road and be careful, there's a lot of pedestrians around."  
  
Connor got behind the wheel. He got to the fish place in no time and was impressed by the activity at that stand. People, workers to be more precise, were yelling and throwing fishes all over the place. Someone saw him and yelled,  
  
"Delivery from Roger's here!"  
  
"Delivery from Roger's here!" yelled two of the other guys behind the counter.  
  
"Nick's the volunteer!" yelled the first one again.  
  
"Nick's the volunteer!" yelled three other guys behind the counter.  
  
A guy came running to Connor. He was tall with blue eyes and short brown hair.  
  
"Hi! I'm Nick," he said, offering his hand.  
  
"Hi. Connor."  
  
"So, what have you got here?" said Nick looking at the back of the cart. "Good! Salmon. That's exactly what we were missing. Derek!" A guy turned to look at them and Nick shouted,  
  
"One flying salmon!" and he threw one of the big fishes to Derek.  
  
Amused, Connor smiled.  
  
"You want to try?" asked Nick.  
  
Connor shook his head negatively.  
  
"Come on, don't be shy," said Nick smiling. "We all do it here."  
  
Connor took one fish in his hand.  
  
"Don't forget to yell," said Nick before Connor could throw the fish.  
  
"One flying salmon!" yelled Connor, throwing the fish to the awaiting Derek.  
  
"See, that wasn't so bad," said Nick, picking another fish.  
  
By the time they were done, Connor was smiling happily. That surely was a lot of fun.  
  
"Hey Connor, tomorrow the guys and I are going out to relax. You wanna come?" proposed Nick to Connor who was getting back behind the wheel.  
  
"I.I don't know," said Connor shyly. "I got to check with my friend."  
  
"Fine. If you can make it, we'll be at the tavern out there," said Nick, pointing to a building with a sign that said 'The Fisher's Tavern'. "If you want to join us, we should be there by 6.3O pm tomorrow night."  
  
"Ok," said Connor. "Thanks."  
  
Still a little surprised by the offer, Connor left to go back to work.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"It's not very big, but there is a small garden!" said the real estate agent with a commercial smile. What she called pompously the garden was a two square meters green space with a little bush and three dying flowers. "Isn't sunbathing one of the nicest activity?" she asked again watching Spike with a look that said ' and you sure seem to need it'. Spike returned her look and said,  
  
"It's situated on the north."  
  
"Uh.sure, but you have sun in the morning."  
  
Buffy didn't pay attention to the exchange. She was walking around in the apartment - which didn't take too long. There was one bedroom with a little bathroom. The living room was rather big, probably because the kitchen was included in it. It was clean, but not really welcoming. And the small windows didn't let much light shine through. So it was rather sinister. But of course it was all empty. Maybe with some furniture and decoration it would look better.  
  
"Miss Summers? What do you think?"  
  
Buffy turned to the woman.  
  
"Can I.Can I take a few minutes?"  
  
"Sure. I'll wait for you outside."  
  
Buffy stood at the entrance of the bedroom.  
  
Spike looked at her. Her attitude was a little bit odd.  
  
"Pet?" he asked, using the term for the first time since he was back.  
  
"I wish I could take a two-bedrooms apartment, but I can't afford it." She said in a toneless voice.  
  
Spike walked towards her.  
  
"If the Nibblet decide to come back you will share that room. And maybe by then you'll be able to move into a bigger place."  
  
Buffy nodded, looking around her.  
  
"Don't you think it's kind of.I don't know.creepy?"  
  
"I live in a crypt." He pointed out, happy to see a smile appearing on her lips.  
  
But the smile stayed very briefly.  
  
"I wish she would at least let me know she's ok," she said, and suddenly she started crying. With horror, Spike saw a sudden wave of tears flooding her cheeks.  
  
"Bloody hell," he muttered, before going to her and putting his arms around her.  
  
She didn't push him back. She even put her head against his shoulder, although Spike was conscious that she was probably not realizing exactly what she was doing, lost in her sadness like she was. So he simply held her.  
  
"Why the tears? Dawn or this apartment?" he asked softly, gently caressing her back.  
  
"Both. I don't want to come live here, but I have no choice."  
  
He put his hands on her shoulders.  
  
"C'mon, Slayer, don't fall back into that depressive state of last year. Chin up, luv."  
  
He let her go and she dried her tears.  
  
"I'm ok."  
  
There was a light tap at the door ant the woman appeared.  
  
"Miss Summers? Are you done, here?"  
  
"Yes, thank you. I'll take the apartment," she said quickly, before changing her mind.  
  
She met Spike's blue eyes but his face was expressionless. The woman went to fetch some papers.  
  
"What do you think?" Buffy asked him.  
  
He shrugged. "Nothing. It's your decision."  
  
His indifferent tone hurt her. But what had she expected? He had stayed to help her, and that was all. He would be gone soon. He didn't really want to be involved in her life anymore. And she couldn't really blame him for that. 


	7. 6 Confessions

~*~ Chapter 6 - Confessions ~*~  
  
"Wesley. Hi."  
  
The former watcher didn't show any reaction when he saw his former boss/employee standing at his door.  
  
" Angel."  
  
"Can I.?" Angel asked with a hand gesture. Wesley stepped aside and Angel went in.  
  
"Honestly, I never expected to see you here again," said Wesley.  
  
"I need your help."  
  
Wesley made an ironic smile.  
  
"Oh. Of course."  
  
"But I also wanted to tell you.I've done a lot of thinking, and.well, for me things are clear between us."  
  
Wesley nodded but Angel couldn't tell if he was touched or indifferent.  
  
"So why do you need my help for?"  
  
"Connor disappeared. He left, on his own. I need you to check in the prophecy."  
  
"The Nyazian? Angel, you can't expect there to be a prophecy each time Connor makes a movement."  
  
"No, I know. But I want to know if there's more, something you haven't translated yet, about his present or his future. Just to be sure he'll be ok."  
  
Wesley sighed.  
  
"I think I deciphered the main lines.but there's still some vague part left. I can't promise you this will be what you're looking for."  
  
"Of course. And who knows, you might unveiled something important."  
  
"I'll see what I can do," Wesley said without compromising himself.  
  
"Thanks. Call me anytime. And.if you come by, I know the gang will be happy to see you."  
  
"I'm not entirely convinced about that. But thanks for saying it."  
  
Angel opened the door.  
  
"Bye, Wesley. And my greetings to Lilah."  
  
For the fraction of a second, Wesley flinched.  
  
"Bye, Angel."  
  
He closed the door and turned around. Lilah appeared at the bedroom door, dressed only in sexy and lacy underwear.  
  
"He knew I was there," she said with a smile.  
  
"He's a vampire. He could smell you."  
  
She made a face. "And suddenly the mood is ruined," she said.  
  
Wesley reached for her bra's delicate fastener. "I sincerely hope not, dear." ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
" I've got something to ask you," Dawn said to Connor while they were walking that night.  
  
It had finally stopped raining early in the evening, and even if the sky was still gray and covered, they had decided to go for their usual walk.  
  
"Me too," said Connor shyly.  
  
"You first, then." They were walking in the park about fifteen minutes away from their apartment, and since the weather wasn't good, they had plenty of privacy.  
  
"Well," said Connor, "I went to the market today and I met this guy, Nick. He asked me if I wanted to go with them to the bar tomorrow night."  
  
"Do you want to go?" asked Dawn.  
  
"I would like to," he answered, "If that's ok with you, of course." he added quickly.  
  
"Sure," she said, smiling. "Go. Have fun. But be careful with the beer. It can get you very drunk very fast without you knowing it."  
  
Connor smiled at her. He remembered very well when, a week after he had moved back at the Hyperion, Gunn had taken him out and had made him drink, a lot. Not only had Connor been sick, he also had had a huge hangover. Angel had thought that was really funny.  
  
"So, what did you want to tell me?" he asked.  
  
"Well, see, at the diner, there's this old lady and she comes everyday. She's very nice and all and I talked to her about you. And now she wants to meet you," she finished nervously.  
  
"Ok," said Connor hesitantly, wondering why she looked so nervous about it.  
  
"Uh.there's only one little thing," she added.  
  
They stopped walking and Connor faced her, frowning.  
  
"I.I kind of told her that you were my boyfriend," she finally said, blushing furiously.  
  
"Your boyfriend?" Connor asked slowly.  
  
Of course he knew what a boyfriend was. Gunn had explained to him the nature of his relationship with Fred and Connor had seen for himself how all over each other they were. He had to admit that he would love to be his wonderful brunette's boyfriend, but so far he hadn't dare to bring up the subject. He became suddenly very aware that he was holding her hand, that he had been holding it every night since they started their walks.  
  
"Yes, you know, boy like girl, girl like boy, boy and girl go out together?" Dawn explained, jokingly.  
  
"Is that.Is that how you see me?" he asked, squeezing her hand slightly.  
  
"Yes, sort of," answered Dawn in a small voice.  
  
So Connor did something he had wanted to do for a while now. He stepped closer to Dawn, and brought his lips to hers. Slowly, he opened his lips and touched Dawn's with his tongue. Dawn opened her mouth and their tongue began to dance together.  
  
This was totally amazing. She tasted so good. Connor suddenly felt weak in the knees and wondered if Dawn felt the same way. He didn't want to stop kissing her.  
  
They finally stopped and he brought his forehead against hers.  
  
"Wow," she said quietly, but visibly happy.  
  
"Wow," he repeated with a smile.  
  
Dawn felt like she should say something else but she didn't know what. She was afraid to look like an idiot.  
  
"I.I didn't know you felt like this about me," she finally said shyly.  
  
He kissed her again, and this time Dawn encircled Connor's neck with her arms. She then felt his arms around her, his hands on her back, bringing her closer to his chest. She loved the feel of his mouth on hers. He was so soft, and so much warmer than the first and only guy she had kissed. His hands felt so good on her back.  
  
She suddenly got worried. They were sharing the same apartment, the same spaces, the same bed. But she wasn't ready for more. She wasn't ready for sex, and she wondered if he would understand. They stopped kissing and she looked at the ground, at lost on how to tell him how she felt. "What's wrong?" asked Connor, seeing her discomfort.  
  
"Connor, I.I like you, a lot. But.I'm afraid. You know, we share the same bed and all, but.I'm not ready to go further just yet," she explained. "Do you know what I mean?"  
  
He understood what she was talking about, and the last thing on earth he wanted was to scare her away, especially after what just happened. So the best thing was to follow her lead on it.  
  
"Don't worry, Dawnie," he said to her, smiling tenderly. "We'll do it your way."  
  
She relaxed visibly and smiled back. "So, you're going to come and meet Miss Annigan?"  
  
"Sure. When?"  
  
He was still holding her in his arms. "Friday morning, before work?"  
  
"Fine."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
By the end of September, Buffy had moved in her new apartment. With the help of Spike, Clem, and another of their demon friend who owned a van - and Buffy didn't want to know how he had get it - all of what's left of her furniture and stuff had been transported to her new place, which was not far from Main street.  
  
Clem and the demon guy had left a little while ago. Spike was still there, installing the TV.  
  
Buffy looked at him. Their relationship had never been so strange. He had been incredibly helpful, but that was it. A good friend. No, friend was even too strong a word. He was just.nice. Treating her like she was any other girl.  
  
She hated it.  
  
"Uh.Isn't it time for Passions?" she asked, trying a little humor to lighten the mood.  
  
"I guess.not sure. I haven't watched it recently. Where is your remote control?"  
  
"H.here."  
  
She gave it to him. Their fingers met. A jolt of electricity ran through her and she withdrew her hand rapidly. He gave her a look but didn't say anything. After flipping through the channels to make sure they wwere working, he shut the TV off.  
  
"Alright. All set."  
  
He stood up, took his leather duster - she had given it back to him a few days ago - but didn't put it on. "It's not too bad, finally," he said, looking around.  
  
"No, it's ok," she admitted, even if she had the feeling she could never get used to this place.  
  
"Ok, Slayer. See you tomorrow."  
  
"You.you can stay, if you want.I mean, a little longer. It's still early."  
  
He looked at her and the expression on his face startled her. "Really? You're not afraid I might accidentally touch you again?"  
  
The bitterness in his tone made her heart sank. "Wh.What?"  
  
"I'm good enough to help you but as soon as I come too close you play the disgusted girl."  
  
She realized he had taken the wrong way her earlier reaction. "Spike, it's not."  
  
"Spike, it's not!" he interrupted her, mocking. "Yes it is, Buffy. Be honest, for a change. Deep inside, you wish I wasn't so helpful so you could hate me again. You wonder how a bloody soulless creature like me can play nice like that."  
  
That wasn't entirely wrong. Buffy blushed and Spike closed his eyes for a second. Balls, it still hurt like hell. Why, he wondered for the zillion times, why had he come back? Staying and helping her had been the stupidest, bollocksed idea he ever had. A stake through the heart would have probably been less painful than this.  
  
"God, Buffy.I should have known."  
  
"I wasn't disgusted!" she cried. "It.It confused me. I don't know what to think of all this. I don't know what to think about you."  
  
"Oh, it confused you.Poor baby. What do you think * I * feel? Admit it, Buffy. You'd prefer me to be evil, so you could stake me and it would make * your * life less complicated."  
  
He had thrown his coat on the couch in his anger. Without taking it back, he headed to the door, opened it and then turned to her.  
  
"I love you, Buffy.but you're the most selfish person I've ever met."  
  
And he walked out, closing the door violently behind him.  
  
Buffy let herself slowly fall to the ground.  
  
What had just happened? He had seemed so indifferent the last few days.she hadn't suspect the anger and the pain that was boiling beneath the surface.. He was right. She was selfish. She had used him, again. Not as badly as the first time, but once again she had taken what he had offered without ever thinking of giving something back, without wondering what his feelings might be. And of course, she had crushed them. He still loved her.  
  
She shouldn't have feel so incredibly happy about this but she was. And that explained a lot of things.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
She ran to his crypt like she was chased by all the creatures of the Hellmouth.  
  
She was praying that he would still be there, that he hadn't jump in his car and left already. She entered without knocking. He was there, sitting in his chair.  
  
Her relief was so big it almost choked her.  
  
He stood up.  
  
"You forgot your coat again," she said, out of breath.  
  
He took it without a word, put it on the arm of the chair. Damn if he wasn't relieved to see her. She had really turned him into the biggest poofter ever.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
He didn't look at her. He leaned on the sarcophagus, waiting for her to go on.  
  
"I'm sorry for what I've put you through. You are right, I've been horribly selfish. I knew you had feelings but I never took them in consideration. For me, you were a vampire, and I slay them. I didn't kill you, because you had the chip and you were harmless. So yes, I saw you like that harmless, soulless, evil creature I thought you were. And I was too self-involved in my messed up little existence to see beyond that."  
  
She stopped, taking a gulp of air. He was watching her now, not betraying any emotion, but she could feel he was surprised. He hadn't expected her to confess like that.  
  
"And I probably whined a little too much, lately. But you must admit, my life sucks for the moment. And being the Slayer."  
  
"Oh, screw that 'chosen one' and all that fucking crap," he reacted instantly. "Your life is what you make of it. I told you already, if everything goes wrong, start to wonder what * you * did wrong."  
  
She nodded. "I know. I realize that now. But how am I."  
  
She stopped, fighting tears. Oh no, she was not going to cry again. She saw him tense, he hated it when she cried. "How am I supposed to fix the things.I mean, I don't even know what went wrong!"  
  
The tears were running freely on her cheeks but she couldn't help it. She just ignored it.  
  
Spike didn't want anything more than running to her and taking her in his arms. But she had other things to tell, and nothing on this earth would make him interrupt her. What she had said so far had already made his dead heart burning with hope.  
  
"Don't think I haven't seen how you've changed. I want."  
  
She stopped again, looking for her words. She hadn't prepared any of this, and she knew that what she was about to say would change everything. "I want to forget last year, Spike. The depression, the mutual abusiveness, the pain. I want to put all this behind me once and for all."  
  
Oh God, he had been wrong. He had stupidly thought. "I told you, Slayer, I'm leaving s."  
  
"No! I don't want you to leave!"  
  
Confused, he just looked at her, hoping she would get to the point, because that constant switch between hope and despair was destroying him.  
  
"I want to put it all behind me and I want to do it with you."  
  
He thought he had heard wrong.  
  
"Buffy, what are you.there's no way we're going back at whatever we had last year. It's too destructive for me, and for you. That was the reason you broke up with me in the first place."  
  
"I know. I don't want that either."  
  
"Then what do you want?"  
  
She paused and he waited for her answer, scared like hell at what it might be. "I want to forget about the Vampire. And the Slayer. And all the rest."  
  
"What's left then?"  
  
"You and me. Spike and Buffy. Just.Spike and Buffy."  
  
He felt the tension in his whole body relax, and thank god there was the sarcophagus behind him to support his suddenly unsteady body. He nodded slowly.  
  
"I like the sound of that," he said carefully, still unsure about what was going on.  
  
Like him, Buffy felt suddenly completely exhausted. She wasn't used to such a display of emotions. She wiped the tears from her face.  
  
"Buffy.what are you saying exactly? You know we can't be friends. I love you too much for that. Being with you everyday, and not be able to touch you.not be a part of your life.that's the most horrible torture I've ever endured and believe me, I've endured a lot of them. So there's no way I'm going to accept a soddin' friendship, and I won't be your lapdog anymore. There's only one kind of relationship I will accept and it's the serious kind. Either you take it or leave it." Aah, said a little voice in his mind, why do you have to be so direct? She's never going to.  
  
"I take it."  
  
This time, he couldn't hide his surprise. Hell, his tremendous shock.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I take it," she repeated in a firm voice.  
  
And she had never looked more resolute about anything.  
  
"Ok," he said, at loss for words. She's taking it, he thought. She's taking*me*.  
  
The minute after, she was in his arms. They didn't kiss. They just hold on to each other like the world was about to end. And they had been through that already, so they knew the feeling.  
  
She cried softly in his chest, drenching his shirt, but the hell if he cared. The Slayer.no, wait, she had said no Slayer anymore.Buffy was there in his arms, where she belonged. He buried his face in her hair, in her neck, and inhaled her intoxicating smell. He tried to repress any sexual feeling. This moment was about tenderness. Finding their way back to each other.  
  
She finally stopped sobbing, and with a tender gesture he brushed the hair away from her face.  
  
"How are you feeling?" he asked.  
  
"Like I'm finally back at home," she said.  
  
He kissed the top of her head. Damn, he wanted nothing more than to kiss her senselessly and do plenty of non-catholic stuff to her, but this was not the place or the moment.  
  
"And you? How are you feeling?"  
  
"Honestly? I have no idea," he admitted, and she laughed. God, her laugh.how he had missed it.  
  
He had missed every single particle of her. "Happy, of course. And scared."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Same reasons as you are, love. I don't know if this will work. I'll be damned if it doesn't. I've been trying to make you understand how right we are for each other for months now. I would hate to be proven wrong."  
  
"So, it's more about your ego, then," she said with a smile.  
  
"That and the fact that I can't live without you."  
  
She put her forehead on his chest and closed her eyes. Reluctantly, he pulled her back.  
  
"You'd better get home, now, baby. You're exhausted."  
  
She grimaced. "Don't call it home. It's not home. It's just a place to live for the moment."  
  
"You'll get used to it. But you need to rest. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?"  
  
"Ok. I'll be home early. I'm not working tomorrow night." She wanted so badly to stay here with him, but then things would not stay innocent, and she really wanted a fresh start with him. The shag fest would wait. But shag fest there would be. Oh yeah. And hopefully sooner than later. She turned back before leaving. "You won't leave, do you?" she asked.  
  
"No."  
  
"Promise me you won't." God, could she be more insecure?  
  
"I promise. Now go get home and get some sleep, for evil's sake. I'll patrol the next two days so don't worry about it."  
  
"Thanks," she said, and was gone.  
  
Spike stood for a moment in the middle of his crypt. Then he pinched himself. Ouch. No, it wasn't a dream. A new confidence was growing inside him. She hadn't talk about love yet, but this time he had no doubt she was willing to try. Seriously.  
  
For a moment, he was tempted to perform that stupid dance he had seen Xander and Willow do once, but he refrained himself. He was not a Nancy- boy. Oh, and what the hell? Nobody would see him anyway!  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hey Connor! Over here!" Nick called when he saw the young man walk into the tavern. "Guys, this is Connor. He works at Roger's."  
  
"Hey man," said a few of the guys gathered around the table.  
  
Nick made the introductions and ordered a beer for Connor. "Just to let you know, the conversation is about the hottest babe," said Nick to Connor discreetly.  
  
"Pamela Anderson," shouted one of the guys. "I would fuck her in a minute."  
  
"Dude, I heard she has Hepatitis C. I wouldn't touch her even with a Naked Gun 33 1/3 condom on!"  
  
"I wouldn't mind having Jennifer Lopez," said another one. "That one is a babe."  
  
The conversation went on and on, and even if Connor didn't know any of these girls or most of the expressions they were using, he was on full learning mode, trying to learn anything that he could.  
  
"And you, Connor, which one would you do?" asked one of the guys, Derek, the same one who had caught the fishes the other day.  
  
"My girlfriend," he said, smiling, now understanding the expression Derek had used.  
  
"Your girlfriend?" asked one, surprised.  
  
"Nancy boy," laughed another.  
  
"Wow, she must be a babe," said a third one.  
  
"Or you're desperately in love," said Derek. Connor smiled, amused, and took another sip of his beer.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So, you're the young man who stole Dawnie's heart," said Miss Annigan, looking at Connor from head to toe.  
  
Connor smiled shyly at Dawn who was standing next to him.  
  
"Come on, kids. Sit down. We have to eat before you go to work!"  
  
Connor and Dawn sat next to each other and looked at the menu. Dawn was pointing out the specials to Connor, telling him what was good.  
  
"You're so cute!" suddenly said Miss Annigan, laughing gently. "I wish I was your age again."  
  
Dawn smiled at her.  
  
"What will it be for you?" asked the waitress, visibly bored out of her mind.  
  
They place their order and she walked away.  
  
"Do you see why I like you so much, dear?" asked Miss Annigan, looking at the waitress retreating back. "A smile and a 'good morning' would not have killed her."  
  
Dawn looked at the other waitresses and noticed, for the first time, that none of them were smiling. They all had a grim expression on their faces. And she began to understand a lot of other things too. Most of the girls were complaining about the low tips they were getting and when they had compared, Dawn always came on top of any of them, even without Miss Annigan generous daily contribution. Some girls had complained to Martha that she always got the most paying tables and Martha had done some table reassignments, but still, Dawn came ahead of everybody. When they walked in, some people would even ask at which tables she was working and would sit there to be attended by her.  
  
"See, Dawnie, if this girl would smile just a little, she would get as many tips as you. I know the other girls have been complaining that you got better tips than them. But people like you, sweetheart, they like you because you smile and treat them nicely. People like to see smiling friendly faces."  
  
Not really knowing what to say, Dawn looked at Connor who smiled sweetly at  
  
her.  
  
"And as I can see, you have a very good reason to smile all the time," added the old lady, looking at Connor knowingly. "So, young man, do you keep Dawn happy?" she asked.  
  
"Uh.I hope so. I try," he answered.  
  
"Good!"  
  
The waitress walked over to drop their food and they started eating, listening to Miss Annigan's childhood stories.  
  
TBC. 


	8. 7 Decisions

~*~ Chapter 7 - Decisions ~*~  
  
Spike did as he said and patrolled alone the two following nights. He came by her place to see if she was ok, but didn't stay. He didn't kiss her either. Like he wanted to give her some time to be sure she had made the right decision.  
  
He was acting like a perfect gentleman. A perfectly annoying gentleman.  
  
So Buffy decided to take matters in her own hands. That evening he came to see her at the restaurant. It was busy, so she didn't have much time to talk. When he was about to leave, she asked him,  
  
"Wanna come at my place, tomorrow night? I'm off. We could watch a movie, eat pop corn.fight over the remote control."  
  
She was acting all casual, like she was proposing a slumber party to her best friend. I only hope it will end without the pajama's, she thought, and to her great horror felt a traitorous blush.  
  
"Sounds like a good plan. Are you ok?" he asked, intrigued by her sudden red cheeks.  
  
Bloody Hell! I bet she has other things on her mind than popcorn or a remote control. Although I'm sure we could find a useful way to.  
  
He grinned. "Count me in, pet. See you tomorrow."  
  
"Bye," she said, watching him leave with the same pinch of regrets as always. There was always that little part of her who was scared he would not come back.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Pop corn is ready."  
  
Buffy went back to the living room where she found Spike staring at a picture of Dawn. "Spike?"  
  
He turned around, startled. "What? Oh, good."  
  
She put the popcorn on the table before joining him. "I worry about her, you know," he said, still watching the pic. "I'm also wondering what she's doing out there, if she's ok. And even if I'm scared about the vampires and demons she might encounter, I fear also the humans who could hurt her even more."  
  
He sat on the couch and she sat next to him. "I think about it 24/7," Buffy admitted. "I try to comfort myself by thinking that if something had happened to her, I would know. I would feel it."  
  
She sighed. "Then again, I'm not sure I would. So it's kind of killing me not to know anything."  
  
She felt a tears rolling down her cheek. "Oh, shoot!" she exclaimed, grabbing a handkerchief.  
  
"Turning into quite the waterfall, lately, are you?" Spike asked.  
  
"Yeah, this is so annoying. I must be very tired. I cried while watching Dawson's Creek the other day."  
  
"That's normal. I hated it when Pacey and Joey broke up." She blew her nose and stood up. "I need some action," she said abruptly.  
  
A wide grin spread on his face. "That's my girl," he said.  
  
"I meant patrolling."  
  
The smile vanished. "Oh. Right. Of course. Let's go fight some nasties, then."  
  
Buffy hid her smile. She had some others actions in mind for later. They dusted some vamps at the Restfield cemetery and killed a blue demon with green horns and big teeth.  
  
"My, isn't he ugly," said Spike, watching the now dead demon lying on the ground. "Demon and ugly, it's kind of a pleonasm," she said with a teasing smile.  
  
"Hey!" Offended, he added "How do you know what pleonasm mean? Did you finally open a dictionary?"  
  
A thin and penetrating rain started to fall.  
  
"I'll show you the extent of my vocabulary at home," she said, starting in the road back.  
  
"Good idea. Don't fancy looking like a drenched kitten."  
  
He suddenly shivered and sneezed.  
  
"Bless you," said Buffy automatically, before watching him. "Spike, did you just.?"  
  
"Sneeze? Hell, yeah." he said with a shock matching her own.  
  
"Since when do vampires sneeze?"  
  
"Since the day after never. The last time I sneezed was around 1880."  
  
He snorted. "I also think I have to blow my nose," he said, more and more surprised.  
  
"Well, I don't have any Kleenex," she said. " You'll have to use your sleeve."  
  
"You're a pig, Summers."  
  
Back at the apartment, they dried themselves. "I don't know what to think about this," she said putting the towels in the laundry basket.  
  
"I don't bloody think anything. I sneezed. End of story."  
  
"Don't you want to know why you did? You're not supposed to. Maybe it means something."  
  
"Sure. Ooooh, I know," he said in a spooky voice. "The end of the world is coming!" She rolled her eyes. "It's not funny, Spike. If it happens again, let me know. I'll call Giles."  
  
He looked at her like if she had grown two heads. "You're kidding, right? You're not gonna call the Watcher because I sneezed?"  
  
She crossed her arm on her chest and put on her 'resolve' face. "Yes I will."  
  
He shrugged. "Suit yourself."  
  
He sat on the couch and grabbed the abandoned popcorn. Buffy sat next to him and switched the TV on.  
  
What do I do now? She thought, while making herself comfortable against the cushions. The whole sneezing thing didn't help to install a romantic mood. But if I don't make a move, he will probably not dare to do it himself. Urgh, that's so complicated..ooooh, isn't it that guy who plays Clark Kent in Smallville? He's so cute.not as cute as Spike, tough. Only Spike is not cute, he's gorgeous. And that body.mmmm..oh that's it. I'm just gonna jump his bones and.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
There was no answer. Spike leaned on the girl next to him. Her eyes were closed. Her breathing was deep. She was sleeping. Spike smiled tenderly. And, ok, a little bit disappointed. He had hoped this evening would have turned out differently, but the last days had been rich in emotions, for both of them. And to be honest, he was feeling kind of tired too.  
  
He switched the TV off, took her in his arms and put her on the bed. He covered her with the comforter and kissed her tenderly on the forehead.  
  
He came back to the living room. It was still raining, and he didn't feel like walking back to his crypt. He toed off his boots, grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and laid down on the couch. Hearing her breathing a few feet away was the sweetest lullaby ever.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Connor, sorry, I'm not ready yet," said Nick, opening the door. Nick had asked Connor to go out to the movies that night to check out 'Monster's Ball', the new drama out that week.  
  
Lately, Nick and the guys at the fish store had regularly included Connor in their get-togethers. Connor was always very quiet but friendly, and the guys had taken a liking to him.  
  
"You want a beer or something?"  
  
Connor shook his head negatively.  
  
"Listen, man, I got to take a shower before we go. Please, make yourself comfortable," said Nick showing the couch to Connor.  
  
Connor sat and Nick disappeared in his bedroom. Connor looked around and a magazine on the coffee table in front of him caught his attention. There was a naked woman on the cover. Intrigued, Connor flipped through the pages and saw more of them, all naked and in kind of acrobatic positions. One of them was lying on her back, legs wide apart, showing her private parts.  
  
Wide eyed, Connor made a whistle. He knew women were made differently but he had never saw one before. Why had Gunn never thought of buying him that kind of magazine? That was interesting learning!  
  
His thought drifted to Dawn. She was of course made the same way. He turned the page again and saw the same woman, with a man's erected sex inside of her. Ok, that was probably what having sex was like. That was Dawn was not ready for. He imagined himself being inside of Dawn, caressing her and kissing her, and he loved the idea. Just thinking about it was making him swollen.  
  
He turned the pages again and looked at the many pictures, for an educational purpose only, of course.  
  
Nick walked out of the bathroom. "Ready?"  
  
Connor stood up and they left.  
  
The movie was very dark and serious. Connor didn't understand some part of it. Why did they want to kill the black guy? Why did the young man kill himself? Why did the father end up with the pretty black woman? The good thing was that the amount of sex scenes in the movie gave him a better idea of what sex was, but he never thought it was so desperate, or heartless like in the case of the prostitute. He had a hard time imagining doing something like that to his wonderful brunette. No wonder she wasn't ready.but the woman in the movie had seemed to enjoy it a little.  
  
On his way back home, he couldn't chase away the scenes from the movie out of his mind. Would he be able to pleasure Dawn? He desperately wished he had Gunn with him right now to talk to, to ask him what to do. But Gunn was miles away, back in L.A.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn was uncomfortable. A girl at work had given her the name of this clinic, the kind of place Dawn could go see a doctor with no questions asked. What the girl hadn't told her was that most of the clinic's patients were prostitutes or poor women with loads of children. Even at that early hour, the waiting hall was crowded and very loud.  
  
Dawn had came here right after she had dropped Connor at work. She hadn't wanted him to know what she was up to, so she had taken her morning off to come here. When she had gotten there, there were already ten people who had signed to see a doctor. She had been there for two hours already and it was now full with waiting patients and running children.  
  
"Dawn S." called a nurse at the door.  
  
The young girl stood up and followed the nurse down a corridor, away from the noisy crowd.  
  
"Please do sit here. The doctor will be with you in a minute."  
  
Dawn sat and waited for a moment before a young woman in her early thirties walked in. "Hi, I'm doctor Williams. What can I do for you, Dawn?"  
  
"I'd like to get the pill," said Dawn, wishing Buffy was with her. Of course Dawn taking the pill would probably completely freak her out.  
  
"You want the pill?" the doctor asked, taking Dawn's pulse and her blood pressure. "Yes."  
  
"How is your sexual life right now?"  
  
"Uh.non-existent?" answered Dawn, somewhat embarrassed.  
  
The doctor took the blood pressure measures away and looked at her. "Why do you want the pill, then?"  
  
"Because my boyfriend and I are getting serious," Dawn said, looking away shyly.  
  
"Dawn," said the doctor, taking a seat. "You look like a serious young woman and I would hate to see you in any trouble. Does this guy love you?"  
  
"I think so," answered Dawn, not sure where the doctor was getting at.  
  
"Where did you meet him?" she asked gently.  
  
"On the bus, on my way to Seattle," she said again, realizing at the same time it might look a bit crazy.  
  
"Does he buy you pretty things?"  
  
Huh ? Dawn thought, totally confused now. The she understood. She thought that Connor might be a pimp! She laughed. "Oh, I know what you're thinking. That he's a pimp, right?"  
  
The doctor sighed sadly. "Dawn, I see a lot of pretty young women like you coming here for the pill, and I find them back on the streets three months later. I would hate to see you become one of them."  
  
"Connor is not a pimp," Dawn said, looking at her hands. " When I arrived here, a pimp tried to enroll me but Connor saved me from him. We've been sharing the same bed for a few weeks now, and not once did he try to force himself on me. We're not rich, we work hard but we have each other and we're happy."  
  
"Then why do you look so sad?"  
  
"Because if I didn't have him, I might have end up like some of the girls in the waiting room. I know he's a good man. I just know it." The doctor seemed to have come to the same conclusion. "Well, if you think so.and you're probably right."  
  
"How can you tell?" asked Dawn.  
  
"Most girls who are with pimps come in here floating on a cloud, saying how much they are in love and how much their boyfriend is generous and covers them in luxury. You're not like them. But still, be careful."  
  
"Ok. But I know he's right," insisted Dawn.  
  
"I'll tell the pharmacy to give you six months of pills. I want to see you back then to make sure the pills are good for you and to do a complete check-up. Is that ok?"  
  
Dawn nodded. Dr Williams wrote something on a medical pad and gave the paper to Dawn.  
  
"Give this to the pharmacy at the front desk, they will take care of you."  
  
"Thanks," mumbled Dawn, standing up and leaving.  
  
She went to pay for her appointment and her pills and left the awful clinic behind her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Connor had taken a nice warm shower, got dressed and had put his shoes back on. Tonight, he was taking Dawn to a restaurant that his boss had given him a gift certificate for.  
  
He had just finished shaving and tried to grab his aftershave but it had rolled over in Dawn's side of their bathroom cabinet. He slid his door closed and opened Dawn's.  
  
That's when he saw it: 6 green tablets of something. He opened one of them and saw neat little rows of yellow and white pills. 8 of them were already missing.  
  
Furious, he took the six tablets and stormed out of the bathroom. He threw them on the table where Dawn was busy reading.  
  
"What the hell is that?" he asked angrily.  
  
"My.my pills," answered Dawn, uncertain.  
  
"Why? Why do you take these? Why do you need them?"  
  
For the life of her, Dawn couldn't understand what got him so angry. "Because I need them!" she answered, beginning to lose her temper. "I don't want to get pregnant, you know," she said defiantly.  
  
"If you want to kill yourself, do it without me!" he yelled, and grabbing his coat he stormed out of the apartment, clacking the door behind him.  
  
Incredulously, Dawn just stayed there, watching the door. Killed herself? Where did that come from? she wondered. She could not figure out what she had done to make him believe such a thing.  
  
Still shocked, she stood up, took the pack of pills and put them back in the bathroom.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When Spike opened his eyes, Buffy was sitting beside him. It was still dark in the room. "What time is it?" he asked.  
  
"6.30 am."  
  
He noticed she had changed and put on sweatpants and a halter-top.  
  
"Why did you sleep on the couch?" she asked in a soft voice.  
  
"It was still raining, and I was."  
  
"I mean why didn't you come lay on the bed with me?"  
  
He looked at her, stunned. "Buffy, I can't come into your bed unless you invite me in."  
  
She gave him a teasing smile. "Oh, I thought that worked only for houses."  
  
She laid beside him on the couch, raining small kisses on his jaw and cheek. "Ok then," she whispered. "I invite you in."  
  
Encircling her waist with his arm, he captured her mouth. Their tongue began to dance and Spike let a moan escape. "God, how I missed you," he said.  
  
The pressure of his lips suddenly changed, and he was devouring her. Buffy gasped, pressed against him from toe to breasts, his arms locked around her. He took her top and passed it over her head, then with veneration touched her bare breasts. He let her flesh fill his palm, stroking her incessantly, enjoying her panting breath, full of need. Need of him. He closed his mouth on one pink tip and she let a soft cry escape.  
  
She looked for his mouth again, craving the touch of his lips on her. God, how had she been able to live all these month without his touch? She cupped his cheek with her hand, relishing in the sight of his handsome face.  
  
He smiled at her, the most loving smile she had ever seen. "Are you sure about this?" he asked her softly, giving her the opportunity to change her mind one last time if she wanted to. But Buffy had never been so sure about anything in her life, so she smiled back and nodded, before reaching for his mouth and kissing him tenderly, erasing once and for all the dreadful memory of their last encounter.  
  
With his fingers, he wandered on her breasts again, then on her belly, reaching her most feminine flesh. He stroked her gently, and mewling noises escaped from Buffy's throat. Her climax came almost instantly, in huge unbearable waves. She cried out, aching in his arms. He felt her spasms, strong and intense against his hand.  
  
"Oh God." she said in a breathless tone, feeling her heart getting back slowly to a steady rhythm.  
  
He rained kisses all over her face, her eyelids, her forehead, her cheek and temple, jaw, mouth and neck. "Buffy." Spike whispered, just for the pleasure of saying her name, while his hard body came down on hers. He positioned himself between her thighs and slid into her into one fast, fluid motion. Buffy gasped again, stunned by the pleasure and the completion she felt. He moved fast and deep within her and she put her legs around him. She gripped him, letting another wave of intense and mind-blowing pleasure sweep over her. She felt him coming the minute after, bursting inside her.  
  
They slowly fell back to earth, exchanging soft kisses, and Spike whispering sweet nothings to her. The feeling of contentment was overwhelming and Buffy couldn't stop smiling.  
  
"Was I that good?" he asked with a cocky grin, caressing her cheek.  
  
"Better," she murmured, still feeling a delicious tingling sensation between her legs.  
  
That man really had magic fingers. And an even more magic.she giggled.  
  
"What?" he asked, happy to see her like that.  
  
"Nothing," she answered. "Just.I'm glad you came back."  
  
"Yeah, I can see that," he teased her.  
  
"Promise me you'll never leave again." "I won't. I'll always be there for you. You won't be able to get rid of me. I'll be like one of those leeches that you can't get off you."  
  
She laughed. "How appropriate for a vampire. And you're so good with the romantic visual."  
  
He got serious again. "Buffy, I don't know what the future holds for us. Anything can happen, anytime. But we are together to face it, now."  
  
She nodded, and kissed him tenderly before saying, "I love you."  
  
His face betrayed his shock, just before a huge happy smile spread his lips. "About time," he whispered, before adding, "I love you too."  
  
She settled comfortably against him, resting her head on his shoulder and firmly encircling his waist with one arm. She had no intention of letting him go ever again. Spike brushed a kiss on her forehead, and closed his eyes. Slowly, they both drifted to a peaceful sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Connor couldn't understand the reason why Dawn would take that medicine, or drug or whatever. Then the last thing she had said suddenly popped in his mind. I don't want to get pregnant, you know.  
  
He was so furious he hadn't registered the comment. But know it brought back a memory. He remembered once being in a mall with Cordelia, he had seen this woman with a big belly. He had stared at her, wondering how she had become like that. "Stop staring," Cordelia had said. "She's just pregnant." "Pregnant?" "Yeah! You know, she's going to have a baby."  
  
So, was that the kind of medicine Dawn was taking? Not something awful like Sunny had taken, from which she had died. It was just to prevent her from having a baby. His mind was rolling with unanswered questions. He didn't know where to turn but he needed those answers, badly.  
  
He didn't know how long he walked but he ended up in the park, the same one where he had kissed Dawn for the first time.  
  
On a bench an old man was sitting, and he visibly hadn't had a bath in a while. He was holding a bottle in a brown paper bag.  
  
Connor sat next to him and debated silently whether or not he should question this perfect stranger about his problem. Considering he would probably never see him again, he gathered his courage and turned to him. "How do woman get pregnant?" he asked quickly.  
  
The man turned to Connor and slowly looked at him from head to toe. He took a long sip from his bottle then looked at Connor again. He chuckled.  
  
"It's when you bone them that they get pregnant," he answered.  
  
"And women have medicine to prevent it?" asked Connor.  
  
"Yep."  
  
"And there's no danger in taking that medicine?"  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Oh God! What have I done?" wondered Connor with despair.  
  
He stood up and began to walk towards his apartment when he realized something. Why would Dawn need these pills if she was not having sex with somebody? Or was she.? The thought that another man's hand could touch her delicate body repulsed him, and awoke an anger he had never felt before. He had been so nasty to her, but how could he have known?  
  
When he walked in the apartment a few minutes later, Dawn was lying on the bed, the lights still on, and her eyes red from crying. He sat next to her. "I'm sorry, Dawn," he said quietly.  
  
"Why? Why did you get so mad at me?" she asked in a broken voice.  
  
He sighed. "When I arrived in L.A, from Quor-toth, I met that girl, Sunny. I liked her and helped saving her from evil men. She had taken some medicine from the pocket of one of them. Later that night, she died after taking it. When I saw those pills in your closet, I just.I didn't think. I got so afraid.I don't want you to die."  
  
"You should have asked me, I would have told you they were not drugs."  
  
There was a short silence.  
  
"Why do you need them?" Connor finally asked. " Is somebody forcing you to have sex?"  
  
Dawn sat and looked at him. "No. Nobody's forcing me to do anything. I got them because.because one day, I."  
  
She stopped, unsure on how to tell him that someday their relationship would develop and that she would be ready to make love with him. She looked away shyly.  
  
"What, Dawn?" he asked, caressing her cheek softly. "What's wrong?"  
  
She took an inspiration. "I got them because one day, I hope you'll make love to me," she said so quietly that if Connor didn't have his enhanced audition, he wouldn't have heard her.  
  
Making love. Connor's heart beat a little faster. That, he knew what that meant. And Dawn wanted him to make love to her.  
  
Her piercing blue eyes looked up at him. "I love you, Connor, and one day, when I'll be ready, I want to know what love is, and I want to know it with you."  
  
She loved him.  
  
Connor desperately wanted to tell her he loved her but he couldn't. He was afraid. The only two things he had loved had died, from a cruel death. Not knowing how to answer her, he looked away, retrieving his hand from her soft cheek.  
  
"Don't.don't you love me?" she asked in a trembling voice, tears coming to her eyes again.  
  
"It's not that," said Connor, deciding that honesty would be the best policy. "When I was a child, maybe six years old, I had a chali. It's kind of a hybrid, one of the few animals that live on Quor-toth. Kind of a little dog. I didn't precisely own it, but I got to tame it and he came to se me everyday, each time I got out. I loved this little animal so much, he was like my best friend, my only friend. One day, somebody found out I was attached to it and killed it, right in front of me, telling me I should never get attached to anything that was not my blood. I was so sad, and I loved it so much.and I love you too, but I'm scared," he finished, his jaw clenched by the pain he felt in his heart.  
  
He couldn't tell her that the person who had killed his chali was the only other human on Quor-toth, the man who had raised him, the one he had called father for most of his life. That was the worst. He hadn't been allowed to love by the very same man he had loved like a father. But his main goal was only to shape Connor into a perfect vengeance weapon, a merciless killer. And finally this man had also been killed, by a crazy woman, all in the name of a senseless vengeance.  
  
"I'm scared somebody will come and take you away from me," he added. "Oh, Connor!" said Dawn, crying freely now. She threw herself against his chest, holding him to her with all her strength. Connor's arms slowly came around her and she could feel him shake from long suppressed sobs.  
  
"I don't want you to die, Dawn," he said in a hoarse voice.  
  
"And I don't intend to. I love you."  
  
"I love you too."  
  
TBC. 


	9. 8 Closeness

~*~ Chapter 8 - Closeness ~*~  
  
When Spike woke up the second time, he was alone on the couch. One moment he feared this had been all a dream again, but then he saw Buffy's top lying on the floor and knew it was true.  
  
She loved him. He loved her. Everything was perfect.  
  
He sat, wondering where she was. The door opened, answering his question. Buffy appeared, with a little brown bag in her hand.  
  
"Fresh from the butcher," she said, leaning to give him a quick kiss on the mouth.  
  
He followed her in the kitchen. She put the blood in the microwave and started to prepare some breakfast for herself. Spike sat at the kitchen counter, enjoying the pleasure of watching her.  
  
"Thank you, sweetheart," he said when she handed him the warm mug.  
  
She sat beside him and drank some orange juice. She noticed he hadn't drink yet, watching the content of his mug with a strange expression.  
  
"What?" she asked.  
  
"Dunno.this morning it doesn't look that appealing."  
  
He took a sip and made a face. "It doesn't taste appealing either," he said.  
  
"What if you try to mix it with cereals," she asked, trying not to sound too grossed out by the imagery.  
  
He looked at the cereal box then back at his blood.  
  
"The idea itself makes me nauseous. Bollocks," he mumbled, pushing the mug away.  
  
"Maybe you're just not hungry," she suggested.  
  
"After our nice little activities this morning, I highly doubt it," he said, glad to see her blush. "No, it's not a non-hungry thing. It's.I don't know.like it repels me to drink it."  
  
"That's definitely not normal for a vampire. Like the sneeze thing last night."  
  
He made a dismissive gesture. "I'm sure it's nothing. I'll save it for later."  
  
He put the mug in the fridge. "Are you feeling ok?" she asked, a little worried.  
  
"Yeah, I feel great. More than great, actually," he added, coming behind her and nuzzling her neck. She leaned against him, relishing in the scent of him.  
  
A knock on the door interrupted them.  
  
"Bloody hell," muttered Spike, reluctantly letting her girl go so she could answer the door.  
  
"Hey Buffy!" Willow said cheerfully, entering and stopping dead in her track when she saw a shirtless Spike standing in the kitchen.  
  
"Oh.hey Spike."  
  
"Hi Red," he said grinning, enjoying her embarrassment.  
  
Willow turned from him to Buffy. "Should I.come back later?"  
  
Buffy smiled.  
  
"No. As you can guess, Spike spent the night here," she said, earning a 'duh!' look from Willow.  
  
"On the couch," Spike precised, not sure about Buffy's decision on how to tell her friends.  
  
"Where I joined him," she added, both to Spike and Willow's surprise.  
  
"So you know, " she told Willow. "And I hope you're ok with this, cause there's no powers on this earth which will be able to take him from me."  
  
Buffy and Spike exchanged a loving glance and Willow smiled.  
  
"I remember suggesting to Spike not so long ago to sort things out with you.if you're happy, Buffy, then it's all that matters."  
  
"Thanks, Will."  
  
"I went to your house to collect the mail," said the redhead, changing the subject and handing her a bunch of letters.  
  
Buffy had declared her change of address but there was still mail arriving at Revello Drive. And of course there could be.  
  
"Nothing from Dawn," said Willow softly, seeing Buffy checking them.  
  
A cloud came over Buffy's face, but she managed to smile.  
  
"Well, no news means good news, right?" she said, but Spike knew she didn't think a word of it. He really hoped the little bit was fine, for her sake but also for Buffy's.  
  
Buffy let the mail drop on the table and led Willow in the kitchen.  
  
"Do you want something? We were just having breakfast. Or at least I was, because Spike's not in the mood for blood this morning."  
  
"Really? That's kind of strange for a vampire."  
  
"Not especially," he argued. "Are you always in the mood for chocolates and candies?"  
  
Buffy and Willow looked at each other.  
  
"Well, yes," they answered in perfect unison.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes.  
  
"Right, bad example." "He says the simple idea of cereals and blood makes him nauseous," Buffy added.  
  
"Mmm.feeling nauseous early in the morning.maybe you're pregnant," suggested Willow with a teasing smile.  
  
"Haha, Red. Tremendously funny. Got another one like that?"  
  
"I don't find it funny," Buffy said. "And don't forget the sneezing last night."  
  
"The what?" asked an eyes-wide Willow.  
  
"God, Buffy, why don't you put a bloody announcement in the newspaper?"  
  
"You sneezed?" repeated Willow, frowning. "That's definitely not normal."  
  
Buffy gave Spike a pointed look.  
  
"See? Told you. I don't take this lightly."  
  
"Did you call Giles?"  
  
"Not yet. But I intend to, if things like that happen again."  
  
"I can check in some of the books at the Magic Box," Willow offered, " Although I'm not sure what to look for."  
  
"Try 'sneezing vampires with a sudden disgust for blood'."  
  
"This is just bloody ridiculous!" Spike burst out. "First, I was not disgusted. And stop according so much importance to a little sneeze. I probably had something stuck in my nose."  
  
"Thanks for the details, honey," Buffy said, making the same 'eeeeuwww' face as Willow.  
  
He sighed, exasperated. "Ok. You won. I'm gonna take a shower."  
  
He made a dignified exit, ruined by the fact that he stopped and kissed Buffy on the forehead.  
  
Buffy saw Willow smile.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I just imagine Xander's face when he will come back."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn wasn't working that day. The sun was bright in the sky and she decided to go to the market. Connor had gone there a few times to deliver fish and he had told her the place was worth it.  
  
It was late morning when she got there. Connor was right, it was really interesting. She bought a few fresh fruits and vegetables and continued her visit, walking toward a very noisy stand, which could only be the fish place where Connor's friends were working. While walking towards the stand, she heard a very familiar voice.  
  
"One flying salmon!" it said.  
  
She walked faster and saw him. Connor was there, smiling and throwing fishes at a guy who would put them on display. He was about to throw another one when he noticed her. He smiled, a smile that made Dawn weak in the knees. He came to her.  
  
"Hey!" protested the fish receiver when he saw Connor leaving his place.  
  
Connor passed him and gave him the fish directly without taking his eyes away from Dawn. He finally arrived to her and kissed her deeply, careful not to touch her with his dirty hands.  
  
"Ok! Way to go, man!" said one of the guys laughing while the others clapped or whistled.  
  
Connor stopped kissing Dawn and looked at her. "Hi. That's a nice surprise."  
  
"Yes, it is," she said for his ears only, with a loving smile on her face.  
  
"Hey Con! Aren't you going to introduce us?" asked the receiver, who was now standing next to them.  
  
"Dawn, this is Nick. Nick, this is my girlfriend Dawn," presented Connor.  
  
"And what about us?" yelled somebody behind the counter.  
  
Connor introduced them all before turning back to Dawn. "Do you have time for lunch?" asked Connor. "Nick, Derek and I were planning to grab something, if you want to come."  
  
Dawn took a step towards him and kissed him again, caressing his cheek with her hand. He was looking so incredibly happy, sexy and lovely right now that she couldn't help it.  
  
"No, thanks," she declined. "I'll let you go with your friends."  
  
He looked disappointed. "You're sure?"  
  
"Yeah! You'll have a lot more fun without me."  
  
"Connor, ask her for next Sunday," said Nick, interrupting them.  
  
Dawn looked at Connor, intrigued.  
  
"Sunday Derek is organizing a barbecue for the guys and their girlfriends. He wanted to know if we wanted to join them."  
  
"Sure, with pleasure," said Dawn, happy with the offer.  
  
She didn't really have had a chance to make friends yet, since most of the girls at work were jealous of her. So this would be a great occasion to meet people.  
  
"Ok, I let you go back to work, now," she said gently.  
  
"Guess I have to," said Connor, wincing. "I'll see you tonight, chali."  
  
Hearing him call her unexpectedly by the name of the little animal he had loved so much made her heart swell with happiness. She knew it was his way to tell her that he loved her.  
  
"Ok," she said, whispering, "Love you" in his ear.  
  
"Love you too," he whispered back.  
  
He kissed her on the forehead and she left, feeling like floating on a cloud.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
They arrived at the party early that afternoon and it was now getting late. The sun had been down for an hour and Dawn was feeling tired. She wanted to get home, but Connor looked like he had so much fun. He was watching a football game on TV with the other guys. From time to time, he would look at her, probably to make sure she was ok.  
  
The girls had moved into the kitchen and Dawn had followed them. She went back to the living room to see how Connor was, and what she saw disturbed her greatly.  
  
A blond girl wearing a tight and short red dress was leaning against Connor, her hand on his chest, talking to him seductively. Distress and jealousy invaded Dawn's heart. The blond girl was much prettier than her.  
  
When he saw Dawn walked in the living room, Connor sighed with relief. The blond girl was hitting on him big time and he didn't know what to do with her. As soon as he saw Dawn, he got away from the girl and came to her, smiling. He took her in his arms and kissed her forehead.  
  
"Please tell me how to get rid of her?" he asked Dawn quietly.  
  
"You just did," answered Dawn, smiling at the furious face the girl was displaying now. "I'm tired, Connor. I would like to go home."  
  
"Me too. I'll tell Derek and the others."  
  
They said their goodbyes and walked out of the door.  
  
The walk back home was long, about forty-five minutes, but Dawn enjoyed the time she was spending with Connor. They were talking quietly when Connor suddenly stopped walking and listened to the sounds around him.  
  
"We're being followed," he said quietly. "Come."  
  
He brought them to an alley and gently pushed Dawn behind a trash container to hide her. "Stay there, and don't move."  
  
He walked away and Dawn could hear voices.  
  
"What have we here?" said someone.  
  
"Leave me alone!" hissed Connor. "You don't want to mess with me."  
  
"Oh, I think I do."  
  
Dawn heard sound of fighting. She got out of her hiding place and saw Connor fight with.a vampire.  
  
She was surprised to see how well Connor was fighting him. But two others were now coming dawn the alley and it might become a little bit too overwhelming for him. She looked around and noticed a broken chair. She broke two of the legs away and ran to Connor and the upcoming vampires.  
  
"Connor!" she yelled. "Catch this!" and she threw him one of the improvised stake.  
  
Connor caught it and quickly staked his vampire. Turning to the other two, he mad a very loud and feral hiss. Dawn stood next to him, taking a fighting stance, waiting for the vampire to attack. To her surprise, Connor initiated the attack. Both vampires were suddenly so busy they didn't pay attention to her and she saw her chance. With her stake, she stabbed one of the vampires in the back, piercing his heart at the same time Connor dusted the other one.  
  
The second after, there was only dust left.  
  
Panting with the exertion and the adrenaline rush, Connor and Dawn looked at each other, surprised.  
  
"You know about." they both began to say at the same time.  
  
They laughed, releasing some of the tension.  
  
"You first," said Dawn.  
  
"You know about vampires?"  
  
"Yes. And apparently so do you," noted Dawn. "Where did you learn to fight them?"  
  
"My father showed me how. You?"  
  
"My sister did."  
  
"Your sister.she kills vampires too?"  
  
"Uh, yes. She's kind of a professional vampire killer.that sounds crazy, I know."  
  
"No, it doesn't. My father does the same kind of job."  
  
"Oh.well, maybe they know each other, if they're.colleagues," said Dawn, but she had never heard Buffy talking about a man killing vampires, beside Giles, of course, and Angel. But they had nothing to do with Connor.  
  
"I doubt it," Connor said, thinking that if Dawn's sister had ever met his father she would have stake him on the spot. Angel and Dawn' sister would probably never get along very well!  
  
Neither one of them seemed willing to give more details, and there was a short but embarrassing silence.  
  
He took her hand.  
  
"Well I'm glad you know how to fight them," he simply said.  
  
And they resumed their walk home.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Buffy came back rather late from work, that night. Spike was not there, but he had left a note saying he would spend the night at his crypt and would see her in the morning.  
  
Highly disappointed, Buffy sat on the couch. All evening she had look forward to coming home to him. She had forgotten he was not really living with her. And now that apartment looked even more sinister than usual, without his presence. She should have told him, before going to work, that he could stay here. He belonged here, with her.  
  
Feeling cold and lonely, she took a quick shower and slipped into her bed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
She was awoken by a firm body spooning against hers, a tender mouth on her shoulder and at the sensitive spot on her neck. She sighed with pleasure.  
  
"Hey, baby," whispered Spike in her ears. "I came just before sunrise. Couldn't stay away from you any longer."  
  
She turned in his arms, kissing him.  
  
"I missed you last night," she said, breathing hard because his hands had sneaked under her shirt and were caressing her breast with expertise.  
  
"Spike." she moaned, lost in the sensations.  
  
He chuckled softly, ravaging her with his mouth and his hands.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
So from that day, Spike moved slowly but surely into Buffy's apartment. He spent less and less time at his crypt, using it only the nights Buffy was working late, and even then he would be back at her place before sunrise. Every minute spent away from each other was a torture for both of them. They patrolled most of the time together, rarely alone because then the other was too worried.  
  
They were also hoping everyday for some news from Dawn, but always in vain. At least Buffy had a comforting arm and shoulder to cry on. But aside from that, she was feeling more happy and alive that she had ever felt.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
One evening, Spike was watching TV, waiting for Buffy to come back from work. Feeling hungry, he prepared a mug of blood. That weird feeling about blood had not disappeared. He could drink it, but didn't enjoy it anymore. He had kept that to himself, though, mostly because he was starting to wonder if it could have anything to do with his new soul. And Buffy didn't know it yet. So he had decided to wait and see how things were evolving.  
  
The phone rang and he picked it up without thinking.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
There was a silence, then a voice said,  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"Yeah. Hi, Harris."  
  
"What the hell are you doing there?" Xander asked with clear anger in his tone.  
  
"I live here," Spike answered, matter-of-factly, but with an evil light in his eyes.  
  
This is going to be so good, he thought.  
  
"What are you talking about? This is Buffy's place."  
  
"I know," Spike said, savoring the words. "We're living together."  
  
He heard a thumping sound on the other end of the line.  
  
"Harris? You still there?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Buffy came back a few moments later only. Spike was on the couch, looking like the cat that had just caught a mouse. She frowned.  
  
"What happened?" she asked.  
  
"Xander called," he said with a smirk.  
  
"Oh God.what did you tell him?"  
  
He shrugged.  
  
"The truth.that we were living together."  
  
"Oh God," she repeated. "What did he say?"  
  
"Nothing. I think he fainted," Spike said, his smirk widening.  
  
"And I bet you enjoyed every minute of this, didn't you?" she asked with a reproachful glance, but he could tell she was not really mad.  
  
"You know me so well, baby."  
  
He got up. "I thought you wanted him to know, about us."  
  
"Not like that," she sighed. "I'll call him back. Assuming he's not already on his way to Sunnydale to kick your ass."  
  
"Ooooh, I'd better go hide under the bed, then," said Spike with a fake face of terror.  
  
Buffy dialed Xander's number. Fortunately, he was still there.  
  
"Hey Xander, it's me. I think I've got some explaining to do."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn was terrified.  
  
When she had finished work at 6 pm, she had walked to the pier to get Connor. Unfortunately, he was not there, and his boss had told her he would keep Connor late that night. So Dawn walked back home, alone, in the pouring rain. By the time she got home, she was drenched and frozen to the bone.  
  
She took a long shower to warm herself up and changed into warm comfortable clothes. She had been home for one hour and the wind was now blowing wildly and the rain was knocking on the apartment's windows. There was a storm coming, and Dawn hated storms.  
  
A little bit before 9 pm she was sitting on her bed, reading, trying to forget the growing storm outside. Every now and then, something would hit the window and she jumped, startled. She was trying to concentrate on the story when suddenly there was a big crack and the power went out, plunging the apartment in total darkness.  
  
She threw the book on the ground and covered herself with the sheets.  
  
And now that she had nothing to distract herself, she could hear every single noise outside, and to make things worse, a thunderstorm joined the party.  
  
This was ridiculous. She had slain vampires, and even killed some demons, but she was terrified because of a stupid storm. She tried to rationalize but to no avail. To her great relief, she finally heard the key turning in the door lock. A few second later, Connor walked in.  
  
"Connor?" she asked, just to be sure.  
  
"Yes, it's me. What happened? Where are you?"  
  
"In.In bed," she said, still trembling.  
  
"Chali, are you ok?" he asked in a concerned voice, trying to make his way to the bed in the dark.  
  
"No," Dawn answered. "I'm scared."  
  
She heard the sound of boots dropping on the floor and clothes being taken off. The next minute, he was lying next to her.  
  
"Chali," he called softly.  
  
Connor knew he was dirty with today's sweat but he just wanted to lie in bed and get warm. He had worked late, helping the others to take inside everything that they could, and tying the rest because of the upcoming storm.  
  
"I'm scared," repeated Dawn, taking refuge in his arms.  
  
She was surprised at first by how cold he was, but his arms closed in a comforting circle around her. She settled in his arms and soon felt somewhat relaxed.  
  
"Are you better now?" he asked, growing painfully aware that his naked body was pressing against hers, only separated by her thin nightgown. He legs were brushing his naked sex. His first move had been a comforting one, not thinking that they would suddenly be so close. In a bed. In the dark.  
  
She was not moving but the feel of her skin excited him greatly. He couldn't help himself but think of her delicate hands on him, and his on her. He felt himself grew hard, and hoped she couldn't feel it.  
  
That was of course the first thing Dawn noticed and her breath caught in her throat for a minute. She should have known she would have this effect on him, like he had on her. A part of her wanted to touch him, to caress his chest and even go further down.She had never touched one before, and was highly intrigued. But she wasn't ready yet and she couldn't start something she was not willing to finish.  
  
She enjoyed the proximity of his body, aware that their relationship was slowly progressing in a direction that would soon changed a lot of things for both of them.  
  
TBC. 


	10. 9 Happiness and Disarray

~*~ Chapter 9 - Happiness and Disarray ~*~  
  
" So what did Xander say, finally?" Willow asked, sipping her coffee. She was sitting with Buffy at the Espresso Pump  
  
"He was uber-freaked out at first, as you can imagine. And Spike had broken him the news so delicately.Anyway, I explained to him that a lot of things had changed, that Spike had been really helpful and great, and that I couldn't deny my feelings anymore. And that I really needed him - Xander - to be ok with it, because he was my best friend and I loved him."  
  
Willow smiled.  
  
" Good point."  
  
"After that, Spike took the phone and said something like 'Xander, if I don't take good care of her, I'll let you stake me good and proper'. So of course Xander agreed. And finally, he took it better than I thought he would. He told me he would try to come back around New Year's Eve."  
  
Willow's face lightened.  
  
"Oh, good. I miss him."  
  
"Me too." Silence fell for a few seconds then Willow asked, "So, you and Spike, living together.pretty big deal, huh?" Buffy smiled.  
  
"Yeah.and no. I mean, it's kind of weird, but at the same time it feels like it was always supposed to happen.that some big forces kept bringing him back to Sunnydale, and prevented us to kill each other."  
  
"Do you trust him?"  
  
"Yes, I do," Buffy said without hesitation. "His chip isn't working anymore. At some point during his absence it stopped working. And he told me he hasn't fed on anyone. I believed him. I don't think the chip was really useful anymore anyway. What he did, the last two years, he did it because he chose to. The chip didn't force him to act good." "He did it for you. Because he was in love with you."  
  
"That was maybe his first motivation, but not afterwards. He started to care about Dawn, even about you, Anya.ok, maybe a little too much about Anya," she said, wincing. "And did I ever thank him for that? No, I went on beating the living crap out of him. For months. You have no idea.oh, let's change the subject, ok? It's the past. We're together now, and that's the only thing that matters."  
  
"I'm glad that things turned out ok for you two."  
  
Buffy nodded.  
  
"Yeah.if only I had some news from Dawn.then everything would be perfect."  
  
~*~*=*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
His unlife was close to perfection.  
  
There were just these two things.annoying thorns in the side.  
  
The first thing was Dawn. The girl he had come to consider like a sister was still missing. She was somewhere in the country, doing God knows what with God knows who. He just hoped she hadn't fall on some vicious guy who would take advantage of her. And if one did.well, Spike would track him down and killed the bloody bastard without a flinch.  
  
The second thing was his soul.  
  
When he had first got it back, it had been hell. All the horror of his previous actions and mayhems had rushed back like a giant wave of guilt and self-loathing. He had realized that that was the way Buffy was looking at him. That thought only had made him want to stake himself. He had stayed in the little village for weeks, pondering about his options. Finally deciding that he had not been all this way, get his soul back and all that just to finish it with a dusty ending.  
  
He would leave the broodiness to Angel and get over it. Try to live with himself. It would not be easy, but he would try not to think too much. Travel again, like he used to do back in the days with Angelus, Darla and Dru. Sunnydale was supposed to be a quick stop.  
  
Only he was still there, and with no intentions of leaving. Ever again.  
  
He had fight to earn his place in Buffy's heart, and at the moment he less expected it, he had won.  
  
And the good thing was, she didn't even know he had a soul. She loved him without it.  
  
And the bad thing was, she *still * didn't know he had a soul.  
  
He had to tell her. He just didn't know how. Or why, to be honest. What was the point, now? It wouldn't change anything. But then again, he hated the idea of hiding it from her. If she happened to discover it, by any means.she would kick his ass, and she would be hurt. He could handle the ass-kicking part, but not the one where she's hurt. Even if it was by omission, he was lying to her.  
  
He couldn't start their relationship with a lie. Living on the Hellmouth was tricky enough not to worsen it with lies.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn was painfully aware of Connor's presence next to her.  
  
She had spent the night before in his warm and reassuring embrace, and she wanted to feel this comfort again.  
  
Tonight, he had just walked out of the bathroom and was now lying next to her, not daring to do the first move. Dawn turned on her side and looked at him. He was watching her also, biting his lower lip. She found him completely irresistible and before she knew it, she had come closer and kissed him.  
  
They had never kissed in bed before because Dawn knew it would only bring up the tension between them. But now, she was in this gray area where she was not sure what she wanted exactly, so she thought that maybe it would be better to let things happen and see where it went from there.  
  
As their kiss deepened, Connor pulled her to him and when they stopped kissing, he gently laid her head on his shoulder, caressing her hair. Apparently he had decided he wouldn't go any further, at least for tonight. Was it out of respect, or out of not knowing what to do, Dawn wasn't sure but she was glad all the same.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was early when Connor woke up that morning. Dawn was sleeping next to him, on her back, her head on his arm. He looked at her. She looked lovely, peaceful, and he could see her chest rise from her breathing. She was wearing that light white nightgown that was barely hiding the curve of her breasts. She was so pretty, and he wanted to touch her, to discover the warm feeling of her breasts under his fingers.  
  
Slowly, hesitantly, he moved his hand from her belly, where it was resting, to her breasts, touching it through the cotton fabric, exploring the texture, delicately. He felt the usual discomfort building in his groin again and he stopped. She felt great, but the intense desire to feel her touch him was getting more and more unbearable everyday. He wanted her so much he really had a hard time keeping his control.  
  
He sighed deeply and rolled on his back. He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.  
  
He was still awake when the alarm clock rang, telling them it was time to get ready to work.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
There was silence in the room, except for the moans of pleasure coming from the bed.  
  
Buffy was back in Heaven.  
  
Kneeled between her legs, Spike was worshipping her with his hands and his tongue, kissing, licking and driving her crazy. She could feel the pleasure grow slowly in her, starting in her legs and spreading in her whole body in delicious waves. She grabbed his shoulders and brought him back to her. Their mouths met savagely, and she could taste herself on his.  
  
With one knee he opened her legs further and stopped for a second at her entrance. She let a begging moan escape, and he smiled, his rock hard manhood pushing suddenly into her. Then he was thrusting hard and fast, while raining kisses on her mouth and neck. Her belly contracted with each thrust, the spiral tightening until she closed her eyes, jerked her head back and her mouth opened on a silent cry. "That's it, baby," Spike whispered in her ear, "Come for me."  
  
And she did, letting a long and primal cry fill the room. Spike soon followed her in her pleasure, letting himself sinking into a sweet oblivion for a while.  
  
Buffy laid sprawled beneath him, unable to move or speak, waiting for her racing heart to slow a little.  
  
He stayed inside her for a moment, hating the idea of breaking the connection. She looked at him and caressed his cheek.  
  
"What would I have done if you had not come back?" she asked with a loving smile.  
  
"I could have never stay away. The memory of you was too strong. It was on my skin, in my blood, in my heart."  
  
He trailed tender kisses on her jaw and neck and she closed her eyes, smiling. He laid back on his back, pulling her with him. She rested her head on his chest, drawing little circles on it with her fingers. Maybe now was the good time to tell her about the soul. But she spoke first.  
  
"It will be Christmas soon," she said.  
  
"Only in a few weeks, pet," he told her, wondering why she was thinking about that all of a sudden.  
  
"Wouldn't it be nice if everybody was back for Christmas? I could call Giles and ask him to come with Anya.Xander said he would be back around then.when was the last time we were all together for a happy occasion?"  
  
Spike thought for a moment.  
  
"Well, except for Giles who was in England, I think it was for your last birthday, pet."  
  
"I said 'happy occasion'.having to deal with some kind of monster warrior and a vengeance demon inside my house is not my idea of a happy occasion."  
  
He laughed slightly.  
  
"Right, I had almost forgot about that. The Bit had confided in Halfrek and we were stuck in the house."  
  
She raised her head and looked at him.  
  
"Talking about Halfrek.you looked like you knew her."  
  
"Not really.She just reminded me of someone."  
  
"Who?"  
  
He smiled.  
  
"Curiosity killed the cat, pet."  
  
"So? I'm not a cat. Except for the several lives part. Who?"  
  
He sighed.  
  
"Remember Cecily, the girl I was in love with before I was turned? I talked to you about her once. Well, she reminded me of her."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Buffy couldn't help the slight pinch of jealousy. You asked, she thought.  
  
"You never told me what happened that night."  
  
"Didn't I? Probably because it's totally uninteresting."  
  
"Everything about you interests me," she said with a seductive smile she knew he could not resist.  
  
"Ok then.Prepare to laugh. I had written a poem. For her. And the people there made fun of it."  
  
"Really? Why? What did it say?"  
  
He sighed and recited the poem. He had it still in mind, even after 120 years.  
  
Buffy considered it for a moment then asked,  
  
"What's so funny about it?"  
  
"Mmm.the effulgent part."  
  
"Oh. Well, I don't know what it means, so."  
  
He laughed and kissed her.  
  
"Will you write me a poem someday?" she asked with a teasing smile.  
  
"Bloody hell no! You may have been able to forgive me for trying to kill you and your friends, but there's no way you'll forgive me for writing you a poem."  
  
"I'm sure I can convince you," she said with a wicked light in her eyes, kissing his stomach and going further down.  
  
But then poetry was the last thing on their minds.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
For once, Dawn and Connor had a day off on the same day. And not only one, but two.  
  
Dawn was incredibly happy. The sun was shining in the sky and Connor and her had gone downtown and at the pier where they had taken the ferry and crossed the harbor. It was a wonderful day, and she was in love. More important, she was ready. Ready to give herself to Connor, ready to discover love with him. She knew the effect she had on him. More than once, she had woke up feeling his hardness against her legs. And she had felt it when he had touched her breasts the other day. It had send electricity throughout her entire body. She wanted him as much as he wanted her.  
  
She had just finished her shower and was about to join Connor in their bed. He was probably already lying there, waiting for her to join him. They liked to snuggle a little bit before falling asleep. But tonight, she wanted more. She wanted him to make a woman of her.  
  
Wearing only a towel, she turned off the light of the bathroom and opened the door. The difference of temperature brought goose bump on her bare arms. The room was dark and Connor was on the bed, his back to her. She removed the towel and slipped in bed next to him. As usual, he turned to face her and put his arm on her belly. Surprised to be in contact with her naked flesh, he opened his eyes.  
  
"Dawn?"  
  
She captured his lips with hers and kissed him deeply, bringing their body close together.  
  
"Connor," she whispered, "I love you. I want you to make love to me."  
  
Connor wanted her badly, but he was afraid, he was terrified, he didn't know what to do. She was so insistent, kissing him, caressing his chest and, oh God, going further down with her impatient little hand. His mind went blank and, blinded by pleasure, he quickly removed his boxers and threw it on the floor. He pushed Dawn to her back and, kissing her roughly, guided himself between her legs and entered her with a strong pushed of his hips.  
  
Dawn gasped. When he had begun to kiss her like that, she had thought he was somewhat playing and would soon resume to a more gentle and passionate kiss.  
  
She had read about it, but nothing could prepare her for the sudden and awful pain she felt.  
  
"Ah!" she yelled, with tears coming to her eyes. "Stop! Get away from me!" she added, pushing him away.  
  
She quickly jumped out of bed and sought refuge in the bathroom. Sobbing, she turned the light on and saw blood on her thighs and legs.  
  
She took a washcloth, rinse it and began to wash the blood away. Tears were running freely on her cheek. It was not supposed to happen like that, she thought, heartbroken. It was supposed to be tenderness and pleasure. She sat on the bathtub, feeling miserable.  
  
In the next room, Connor was still on the bed, not understanding what had gone wrong. Why had Dawn reacted like that?  
  
He turned on the light and saw the blood on the sheets.  
  
Oh God! he thought.  
  
He opened the bathroom's door. Dawn was crying, rinsing a slightly bloody washcloth in the sink. When she saw him, she instinctively backed away, afraid.  
  
"Dawn, what's wrong?" he asked, alarmed. "Where are you hurt?"  
  
"Where do you think I'm hurt?" she yelled at him. "Why did you need to be so aggressive? I wasn't going anywhere! A little gentleness wouldn't have kill you, you know!"  
  
Confused, Connor shook his head and took a step towards her.  
  
"Dawn."  
  
"Stay away from me," she hissed, climbing in the bathtub in a silly attempt to be as far away from him as she could.  
  
"Dawn," he said again, with pain and remorse in his eyes. "I didn't want to hurt you. I swear, I.I didn't mean to hurt you."  
  
He was totally at loss about what he had done, what could have distress her so much.  
  
"Why were you so rough to me?" she asked in a quieter tone, but with new tears in her eyes.  
  
He looked away, unable to bear the pain he read in his chali's eyes, knowing he was responsible for it.  
  
"That's.I thought that was the way to do it."  
  
"What do you mean, 'the way to do it'? Have you never heard about gentleness, foreplay, love? Didn't you see people make love on TV? Or in a movie?"  
  
"The.the only time I saw it in a movie, the man was doing it like that and the girl seemed to like it," he confessed. He didn't dare to look at her. He had hurt the woman he loved by his ignorance, and he still didn't know what to do.  
  
Dawn nodded and slid along the wall to sit in the bathtub, holding her legs to her chest. She should have known. They had never really talked about sex before, she hadn't even realize he was a virgin like her. No wonder things had gone so wrong.  
  
"Dawn, I'm sorry," he said sadly. " I didn't know, I.I'm sorry," he repeated, feeling so lame for not finding the right words.  
  
Suddenly, she got up and threw herself in his arms, sobbing again. He hugged her, waiting for her to calm down.  
  
"Do you want to take a shower?" he asked gently.  
  
She nodded.  
  
Slowly, he let go of her, climbed into the bath and started the water, putting his body between it and her so she would not get cold water on her. Once it was at a good temperature, he turned to face her and helped her to her feet. He couldn't help himself but look at her. She was so beautiful, so perfect. He couldn't stop the desire to build in him, and he was glad she had her back to him now. He had scared her enough for one night.  
  
He took the soap in his hand and began to soap her shoulders and her back. Caressing her that way was comforting and exciting at the same time.  
  
He took the shower hose in his hand and rinsed her back. Looking at her naked and slightly shivering shoulders made him painfully aware of his desire and the pain he had caused her. He would never, ever hurt her again. He'd rather die. Still keeping her back to him, he started to soap her chest and her belly, not daring to touch her breasts. He heard Dawn breathe deeply and he almost jumped back in surprise when she leaned back against him, putting her head on his shoulder.  
  
She took the soap away from his hands and put her hands on his. She then guided them to her breasts and when he began to caress her, she brought one of her hands to his neck and caressed the back of his head gently.  
  
His hands felt so good that she moaned softly. When she felt his lips against her neck, she took his hand and guided it down her belly, towards her feminine parts. As much as he had hurt her, she still loved him. And it was not really his fault. They had had a wrong start, but there was lots of ways to make up for it.  
  
Her desire for him was still strong. At first he didn't want to touch her but she insisted.  
  
"I'm gonna hurt you again," he murmured, his mouth in her hair.  
  
"No, you won't."  
  
The certainty in her voice decided him. So he started to caress her, bringing his fingers on her most intimate parts. She moaned with the pleasure of his contact. He was still inexperienced, but his touch felt so good and soon she felt a climax build within her and she came, her legs almost giving up under her weight.  
  
With his other hand, Connor caught her and held her tightly against him. Such simple caresses could give her so much pleasure. She turned around and faced him. Slowly, he leaned towards her and kissed her, pressing his erection against her lower abdomen. He looked at her and saw want and hope in her eyes.  
  
He turned off the water and took the towel on the hanger. He gently wrapped Dawn in it, dried her, then himself. He took Dawn's hand and walked out of the bathroom, switching off the light behind them.  
  
They stood next to the bed and he looked at her. Her eyes were full of anticipation, but he was afraid to hurt her again. He leaned to kiss her and suddenly her hand was on him. His breath caught in his throat and he gasped. He stopped kissing her and put his forehead against hers.  
  
"Dawn," he whispered. "I don't know what to do."  
  
She removed her hand from him and he almost moaned in protest at the loss of contact. She took his hand in hers and she laid back on the bed, pulling him with her.  
  
"Just be gentle, and go slow," she said.  
  
Connor was now over her, on his arms so as not to crush her with his weight. He kissed her deeply and, with his hand, guided himself in her wet center. He slid slowly inside of her. She winced at first, but then smiled encouragingly. He slid a little more and soon he was all inside her.  
  
He could not believe the pleasure he was feeling. He was finally inside her, his wonderful brunette, his chali. He stayed like that for a moment, without moving, looking at her face and gently caressing her cheek. But soon his desire became overwhelming and he started to move. She gasped and an expression of pleasure crossed her face. Connor moved again, and when he saw no pain on her face, he began a more regular movement inside her. He soon felt the climax build in him and gradually, he accelerated his movements. A mind-blowing wave of pleasure washed over him.  
  
Her own climax was long in building but Dawn could feel the tension growing in her. When Connor began to move faster, she could feel it get closer and closer and waited in anticipation of her release. And then she felt him come inside of her and stop moving, leaving her still wanting and unsatisfied. She had been so close, and she was so disappointed, she felt like crying again. But she wouldn't. This was their first time. There would be many others, and they would learn together.  
  
Connor kissed her deeply before rolling on his back with a sigh of contentment. This was so distressing to Dawn. He didn't pull her to him, didn't tell her he loved her, he just rolled on his side and seemed to fall asleep almost immediately. This time, she couldn't keep the tears inside. She faced away from him and silently cried herself to sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Spike was awakened by a strange sound. A familiar sound, although not heard for years. He tried to concentrate, making abstraction of Buffy's light breathing next to him.  
  
Then he knew.  
  
And he didn't only hear it.he felt it.  
  
It was the sound of his heart beating. 


	11. 10 Solace

~*~ Chapter 10 - Solace ~*~  
  
Spike was pacing relentlessly in his crypt, his head in turmoil. Buffy was working the late shift, so he had come to the cemetery, killed some vampires and finally sought refuge in his crypt. He needed to think.  
  
He hadn't told Buffy about what had happened. And it had lasted for maybe two minutes, so he wasn't entirely sure it wasn't a dream. But it had felt so real. All those things happening, it had to have something to do with his soul. So it was more than time to tell the truth to Buffy. He had waited too long already.  
  
Each time he had tried lately, she had either make those tempting eyes at him, or that bright smile he loved so much, and he had lost his train of thoughts.  
  
But he would go to the library first. It was early, and it was probably still open. He hated to sound like Giles, but some researches were in order.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
He walked between the bookshelves, not really knowing where to start, or what to look for. He found the spot dedicated to fantastic and science-fiction literature, and grabbed a book.  
  
"Hey Spike. I thought here would be the last place on earth to see you."  
  
He jumped, turned back. Willow was standing there, smiling, but with an interrogative look.  
  
"Oh, hey Willow.Uh, well, I do fancy a good reading sometimes.and I thought the library would be a good place to find a book, because, you know, they usually have a lot of.books."  
  
"Right."she eyed the one he was holding. "Vampire Mythology? You're looking for some ancestors?" she asked, joking.  
  
"That's it. I don't want Angel to inherit my fortune, so I was looking for potential other relatives," he said, putting the book back in the shelf.  
  
He remembered Willow's offer to do some research earlier. "Did you find anything about my sudden sneezing and blood disgust thing?" She sighed.  
  
"No. I looked in the books at the shop, and also on the Internet, but nothing came out of it so far. Did something else happen since?" she asked, frowning.  
  
"No, I was just asking. I'm pretty sure it's nothing, anyway."  
  
"I don't know," Willow said with a concerned look. "I think you should call Giles."  
  
"I'll think about it. I have to go. See you around, Red."  
  
"Yes.bye."  
  
She watched him going away, wondering what was going on with him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hey Tara. How are things going up there? Because here some powers are messing with us again.or at least with me."  
  
He kneeled down, put a flower on the grave.  
  
"I wish you were here. The Bit wouldn't probably have left if you were still here. She would have come to talk to you. You were a great listener.Buffy told me she had confided in you about the two of us last year. I guess that's where your pretty smart comments came from, right? And I know you never judged me. I could have talk to you about those strange things happening to me.how it kind of scares me but at the same time I don't care that much because I wake up every bloody morning besides Buffy and she has a smile on her face.and that's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Ok then.I'll let you rest now. I'll come back soon. Thank you, Tara."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What's wrong, darling?" asked Miss Annigan when Dawn went back to work. "You seem happy and sad at the same time. What's going on?"  
  
Dawn looked away, embarrassed. She didn't want to tell anyone about what had happened with Connor because she was so ashamed.  
  
"It's your young man, isn't it?" probed Miss Annigan. He did something to you that you didn't like."  
  
Dawn blushed furiously, and tears of shame and pain threatened to spill out of her eyes. She had still two hours to work, but she didn't want to be there. She wanted to be alone to cry out her disappointment.  
  
"Martha!" yelled Miss Annigan, standing up. "I'm taking Dawn back home, she doesn't feel well."  
  
Dawn's tears ran down her eyes and she didn't dare to look at her boss behind the counter. She just stayed there, standing at Miss Annigan's table, without moving. A few seconds later, two strong hands grabbed her shoulders.  
  
"Go, Dawn," said Martha gently. "I've noticed you weren't well.I'll finish your tables."  
  
Dawn nodded, forcing a gratitude smile on her lips. She went to get her things put her apron on its hook and left the restaurant with Miss Annigan who was waiting for her at the door. The old lady took her to a park nearby where they sat on a bench.  
  
"Now, tell me what's wrong," said Miss Annigan.  
  
"I can't," said Dawn, uncomfortable.  
  
"Did Connor break up with you?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Did he say something nasty?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Did he.he didn't beat you?"  
  
"Oh.no!"  
  
Miss Annigan stayed silent for a few moments and then looked at Dawn with sudden comprehension in her eyes.  
  
"You made love with him but it didn't end up like you thought it would," she stated.  
  
"How did you.?" began Dawn, looking at the old lady and taken aback by the fact she had exactly figured it out.  
  
"My poor child," said Miss Annigan, laughing quietly. "I was seventeen too, once.I was very much in love but my husband always left me unsatisfied. I was ashamed and thought it was my fault."  
  
"What did you do?"  
  
"Nothing! But one day, probably two or three years after we got married, he caught me trying to satisfy myself after we.you know. Let me tell you, he was not happy, but things changed afterwards."  
  
"Three years!" said Dawn, discouraged.  
  
"Well, in my day you didn't exactly talk about sex like now. Have you tried to talk to him about it?"  
  
"No.I don't know what to say.and I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you!"  
  
Miss Annigan chuckled.  
  
"Don't be embarrassed. That's the kind of talk you would have had with your sister, normally."  
  
"You don't know my sister.but yes, I realize I miss her more and more each day."  
  
"You should tell her."  
  
"I.it's a little bit more complicated."  
  
"Isn't it always? But concerning your problem, there's still another way."  
  
"There is?" asked Dawn, hopeful.  
  
"Come with me." Dawn stood and followed Miss Annigan to a.newsstand?  
  
"Why are we here?" she asked, puzzled.  
  
"Because, in front of you, you have a wealth of sexual education resources, my child. Here," said Miss Annigan, taking a magazine and handing it to Dawn. It was a man magazine, with a bright catchphrase on it "How to satisfy your woman and making her beg for more". She took some fashion magazines as well, all with advices on sex on the cover.  
  
Miss Annigan paid for the magazines. Dawn protested but the old lady insisted.  
  
"And now, you just let these lying around in your apartment, and the rest will do by itself" she said smiling.  
  
Dawn smiled back, not totally convinced.  
  
"You actually thing this could work?"  
  
"Well, you've nothing to lose to try, right? And yes, a young woman I used to know did it and it worked."  
  
Spontaneously, Dawn hugged the woman.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"You're welcome. And I want to see you at work tomorrow with a huge smile on your face!"  
  
~*~*=*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn was anxious to see if Connor would really read the magazines and decided to put all the chances on her side. When he went to take a shower, she took one of them and opened it to one of the articles she had read that afternoon after going home. She hoped Connor would read at least that one.  
  
When Connor walked out of the bathroom, she pretended to be very absorbed by her reading. He walked to her and gently kissed her neck.  
  
"You can go," he said.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
She stood up, kissed him and went to the bathroom, leaving the magazine carelessly open on the table.  
  
She waited about five minutes then walked out to get the clothes she had pretended to forget on the bed.  
  
Connor was reading the magazine.  
  
And he looked even more concentrated than her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When Connor walked out of the bathroom, Dawn was busy reading a glossy magazine he had never seen before. He remembered Cordelia was buying a lot of them.  
  
He went to her and kissed her neck.  
  
"You can go,"  
  
"Thanks." she said, standing up and kissing him back.  
  
Intrigued by what she looked so keen on reading, he sat and turned the pages. The magazine was full with pretty woman and long articles. One of them caught his attention. 'What women wants; What all men should know." And another one was sub-titling 'What makes women happy in bed and ask for more."  
  
Very much interested, Connor began to read. The article was about women's pleasure while having sex. He remembered Dawn's pleasure when they had been in the shower, the other day. It had seemed very intense. Now that he thought about it, she hadn't looked so pleased the following times. And she had looked a little sad, even.  
  
He read avidly, realizing that what was said in the article didn't really correspond to what he had been experiencing with Dawn. She should have looked happier, during and after!  
  
He read further down, and his breath caught in his throat. Most women liked to be hugged and cajoled. Well, he hadn't done that. He had rolled on his back, falling asleep. And he had never been really hugged and cajoled in his life.those were things that didn't come naturally to him. It came easier with Dawn, but he didn't know it was so much important after making love.  
  
What an idiot he had been.  
  
No wonder she looked so sad. She was disappointed in him.  
  
When she walked out of the bathroom a little later, he was done reading the article and was so ashamed he just didn't know what to do.  
  
She walked to him and put her hands around his neck.  
  
"Ready to sleep?" she asked.  
  
"Uh, not yet. But go ahead, I'll be there in a sec."  
  
When he joined her later, she was asleep. He laid down besides her, pondering on how inexperienced and unknowing he was.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When Buffy got home, she found Spike sitting on the couch. The TV was off.  
  
"Hey," she said, a little surprised to find him in complete silence, apparently doing nothing.  
  
He stood up, walked to her and put his hands on her arms, caressing them softly.  
  
"Hey baby. How was your night?"  
  
"The usual. Much better now. You?"  
  
"Good."  
  
He gave her a sweet kiss on the mouth, before pulling her to him. He didn't say a word.  
  
"There's something wrong," she said, and it was not a question.  
  
"No. But there's something I have to tell you."  
  
She laughed nervously.  
  
"Spike, you scare me with your serious tone. What's going on?"  
  
The look on his face frightened her. She didn't remember seeing him so.well, so serious.  
  
He took her hand and she entwined their fingers. That seemed to give him the push he needed.  
  
"I should have tell you this weeks ago," he started. "At first I didn't know how.then I didn't see the point anymore.but with all those things happening now, you have to know."  
  
"You're not gonna leave again, are you?" she asked with dread in her eyes.  
  
"No!"  
  
He caressed her cheek with his knuckles. He could read the worry in her eyes.  
  
"When I left a few month ago.I went to Africa. I had heard about some demon with particular skills, and.he gave me my soul back."  
  
Buffy opened her eyes wide. Automatically, she stared at his chest.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I had to go through a trial and I won. I got my soul back. For you. Hoping that then there would be a chance you love me back."  
  
"Oh my God" she whispered, putting her hand on his chest as if she could feel his soul through it.  
  
"So that's what was different about you," she said thoughtfully, before frowning.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me when you came back?"  
  
"I didn't plan to stay, remember? I thought it wouldn't do any good. And afterwards I didn't know how to tell it.the thing is, I think that everything that's happening to me might have something to do with it. I've got my soul back, and suddenly all those weird things happen, and."  
  
He stopped.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Last night.my heart started to beat."  
  
She stayed silent for a minute.  
  
"Ok.I think I need to sit down."  
  
They both sat down on the sofa.  
  
"Are you sure?" she asked.  
  
He nodded.  
  
"It doesn't anymore for the moment. But I'm pretty sure it did, for one or two minutes."  
  
"You should have woken me up!"  
  
"It didn't last long enough. But I will next time.assuming it happens again." He said, not sure if this was something he wanted or not.  
  
She put her hand on her eyes, trying to assimilate all the big news.  
  
"Ok. So.you sneeze, you're disgusted by blood, and now your heart decide to wake up.it looks like you're."  
  
".Regaining my humanity. I know. I thought about it."  
  
They stayed silent, pondering on the implications of what had been just said.  
  
"What I don't understand is why," Spike finally said in a calm voice.  
  
"Me neither. But you did a lot of good things, this last year." "Angel has a soul, and he's helping others" Spike objected. "He's not human, as far as I know."  
  
"No, but Angel' soul was a curse. You asked for it."  
  
"Right. Good point."  
  
"Morph into game face."  
  
He did as told. The lumpies and fangs appeared. He reverted to his human face immediately.  
  
"Well, you're still a vampire."  
  
She led him to a mirror on the wall. She was the only one reflecting.  
  
"Still no reflection either. Did you try going outside?"  
  
He gave her a look.  
  
"I'm not suicidal, luv."  
  
She smiled and put her hand on his cheek.  
  
"Who knows? You could not burst into flame and get a nice tan."  
  
She was joking, but deep inside all that stuff was freaking her out.  
  
"After 120 years without seeing the sun, I'd rather go with a hell of a sunburn."  
  
"I don't want you to take the risk anyway. The fangy face and no reflection will do for the moment. But I'll call Giles tomorrow."  
  
"Alright," he said, not discussing this time.  
  
She slipped into his arms, putting her head on his chest. He caressed her back gently.  
  
"All this things happening to you.it can only mean something good, right?"  
  
He sighed. "I don't know, baby."  
  
She laughed sadly.  
  
"Wrong answer. You're supposed to tell me it's gonna be ok."  
  
He smiled.  
  
"You know better than that, sweetheart."  
  
"Of course. I'm just."  
  
She tried to fight the ominous idea that something bad could happen to him and sought solace in the refuge of his arms.  
  
His hands slid to her waist and he kissed her. They just touched lips at first, before his tongue invaded her mouth and mated with hers. Her soft sighs of pleasure instantly turned him on. He put his hands on her firm buttock and pressed her against him.  
  
"I love you," he whispered, trailing a path from her ear to her jaw line with the tip of his tongue.  
  
"Please show me how much" she moaned, already tucking up the extremity of his t-shirt.  
  
They didn't make it to the bed.  
  
-----------------------------------------------------  
  
"Is everything alright, Buffy? You seem distracted."  
  
Buffy met her colleague Valerie's concerned look. She smiled.  
  
"It's nothing. I'm fine. Just some stuff on my mind."  
  
"Hope you didn't had a fight with that cute boyfriend of yours."  
  
"No, don't worry. Everything's perfect."  
  
As perfect as a romantic relationship with a reformed vampire can be, she thought.  
  
"But I wanted to ask," Buffy said," Is it ok if I leave a little earlier this afternoon? I need to call a.family member living in England, and with the time difference."  
  
"Sure," said Debbie, smiling.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
So when her shift was done Buffy hurried back at her apartment to call Giles. It would still be early in England but at least she would be sure to catch him. She just hoped it wouldn't be Anya answering the phone.  
  
Spike was not there. Since he was living with her he had kind of adopted the same lifestyle, and was generally awake during most of the day. But what he was doing exactly she didn't know. She thought that he was probably working or had found a way to make some money because he was bringing money back to her on a regular basis, paying his share of the rent and the basic stuff. Like every normal couple does. And she thought wiser not to ask too many questions about the origin of that money. As long as he didn't kill anyone to have it, she was fine with it. And she trusted him enough to be sure he wouldn't do anything she would reprove.  
  
She dialed Giles' number. He answered almost immediately.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Giles, hi. I'm sorry to call so early."  
  
"It's alright, Buffy. Did something happen?"  
  
"Not really.well, sort of. We need your opinion about something."  
  
She proceeded to tell him the latest events. He knew about Spike and her already. She had told him the last time he had called. And even if Giles wasn't too happy about his Slayer being involved with a vampire again, he also knew that Spike could be a real asset to her. It was a comfort to know she wasn't alone anymore, and if she had chosen Spike, well he knew better than to argue with her. "Incredible," Giles murmured to himself. "So Spike has a soul now? That makes two of them.but he chose to have it. I wonder what the Council would think about that."  
  
"Please don't tell them!" said Buffy. "I don't want to see them arrive in Sunnydale and treat Spike like a guinea's pig. You must promise not to tell them, Giles, please."  
  
"I won't, Buffy, don't worry. I'll make some research. And it's clear to me that somehow Spike is indeed regaining his humanity."  
  
"Yes, we thought about that. I need to know it's something positive, Giles, I.I don't want anything to happen to him."  
  
Giles recognized the concern in her voice. It was the same she had once shown for Angel a few years ago. Only she was a teenager then. Now she was a full-grown woman. She had had to deal with too many losses already.  
  
"I'll do my best, Buffy, I promise. And don't hesitate to call me, whatever happens. Day or night."  
  
She fought back the tears that were coming. She was missing Giles so much, but she knew that starting to cry on the phone would only increase his own worry.  
  
"Thanks, Giles. I thought.It would be good if you could come over for Christmas.and, uh, Anya too."  
  
"We both have our plane tickets already," he said in a more cheerful tone.  
  
"Oh, that's great! Everyone should be there then.well, except for Dawn. Unless she decides to le me know she's fine..."  
  
"Still no news?"  
  
"No. I learned to live with it. A part of me is pretty sure that sooner or later she will call or write.I stay optimistic."  
  
"I'm glad you do. I'll let you know as soon as I know something. Take care, Buffy.and say hello to Randy for me."  
  
She laughed.  
  
"I will. Bye, Giles."  
  
She hung up, feeling a little bit better. And wondering if Spike still had that tweed costume.oooh, and especially the hat.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Connor, what's up, man? You looked pretty freaked out at the store earlier," said Nick, opening his door to let Connor in.  
  
Connor had gone to visit Nick earlier that day and had asked him if he would have some time after work to discuss something. Nick had looked intrigued by the request but had accepted, of course.  
  
Connor walked in the apartment, looking nervous, and Nick closed the door behind him. He followed him in the living room, visibly uncomfortable.  
  
"I need your help," said Connor, almost desperate.  
  
"Looks like it's serious," said Nick, sitting on the couch. "What's going on?"  
  
"It's.It's Dawn," he answered, looking everywhere but at his friend.  
  
"You knocked her up?"  
  
"I what?" asked Connor, not knowing what he meant.  
  
"She's pregnant?" asked Nick.  
  
"Oh, no, she's not. She's taking those pills," he said, happy to show he knew at least one thing about women's contraception.  
  
"So what's the problem?"  
  
"Well, I.I."  
  
"Connor, relax. It's only the two of us. I promise not to tell anyone or to laugh, ok?"  
  
"I don't know how to give her pleasure," finally burst out Connor. Nick frowned.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"We.we made love the other day, and.and since then, she's sad. I think I disappointed her."  
  
"Was it the first time that you guys.?"  
  
Connor looked away, blushing.  
  
"I see. And it was your first time as well, huh?"  
  
Connor nodded.  
  
"And hers too."  
  
Another nod.  
  
"And they never talked to you about sex at school?"  
  
"I.I never went to school. My guardian taught me at home."  
  
It was the first time that Connor referred to Holtz as something else than his father and he realized, in his heart, that Holtz had never really been his father. He had taught him how to be a good fighter, how to be tough, but he had never showed him how to love, and show love.  
  
"Oh, man," said Nick, quietly, shaking his head. And let me guess, your guardian never taught you about sex."  
  
"No, never."  
  
Feeling defeated, Connor sat on the couch next to Nick.  
  
"Well," said Nick after a few seconds of silence. "Let's begin then, because you have a lot to learn. I'm not going to make an expert of you but at least you'll know your way around. The rest will come naturally."  
  
It was 10.30 pm when Connor left that night. Nick had shown him a lot of stuff, pictures and magazines, explaining to Connor the various do's and don'ts. He had also suggested him to read everything he could and not be afraid to follow his fantasies, as long as Dawn was willing to go for it. He had also insisted on the fact that he could read as many thing as he would, it would be his love for Dawn which would help the most in the end.  
  
When Connor arrived home, Dawn was already asleep. He quietly undressed, took a quick shower and slipped in bed next to her. She had her back to him so he approached her and spooned her body with his.  
  
Soon, he would make love to her like she deserved. 


	12. 11 Pleasure

~*~ Chapter 11 - Pleasure ~*~  
  
Spike was still not there when Buffy came back that night. She supposed he was out patrolling, although he always told her before he went. She took a shower and decided to sprawl out in front of the TV.  
  
She dozed off for a while, then suddenly woke up, realizing it was now very late and Spike was still not there. Where the hell is he now? She thought, worried and angry he didn't take the time to call her.  
  
She finally heard the key in the lock.  
  
"Hey," he said, like everything was normal. "You still up?"  
  
She opened her mouth, shocked by his casualness.  
  
"Of course I'm still up! What do you think? I was sick with worry!"  
  
He looked at her, his face showing genuine surprise.  
  
"Why? I was just out, like I always do. Needed to clear up my head, a little bit.I don't see what the fuss is all about."  
  
"Why didn't you let me know?"  
  
"I just didn't think you would be worried. And you have no reason to. I lived 120 years without you watching my back, you know. I'm a big boy," he said, kind of offended she thought he could be hurt if she wasn't there to protect him. Sometimes he almost missed the time when she would see him as the Big Bad.  
  
"I know," she admitted, calming down and relieved he was home. "It's stupid. I know you don't need me."  
  
"Wrong," he said, walking to her and taking her in his arms. "I always need you. I just needed some time alone, is all. To think about all this. I'm sorry, I should have called you."  
  
They held on to each other for a moment.  
  
"Are you scared?" she finally asked.  
  
"A little bit," he confessed. "But mostly because I don't know what's going on."  
  
"I called Giles. He said he would do some research."  
  
Spike smiled.  
  
"That sounds like Giles. Will he tell the Council of Wankers?"  
  
"I asked him not to."  
  
He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"I suppose he's not too keen on letting them know his Slayer is living in sin with a vampire."  
  
"I'm not living in sin!"  
  
"Well, I can think of at least one sin being committed every night in that room," he said with a wicked smile.  
  
She gave him a slight tap on the arm.  
  
"Whatever. Don't ever disappear like that again without warning, or I might have to take drastic measures."  
  
He encircled her waist with his arms and purred in her ear,  
  
"It turns me on when you threaten me like that, Summers."  
  
His hand sneaked under her nightgown and reached its goal. She gasped. She felt his fingers caressing and stroking the right spot, and let her head fall back. He nuzzled her neck at the same time, licking it, performing the same movements with his fingers. She climaxed violently, right in the middle of her living room. He legs gave away and he held her, taking her in his arms. He carried her into the bedroom.  
  
She smiled dreamily to him.  
  
"Did I tell you how much I love you?" she asked, watching him in the eyes.  
  
He had trouble focusing when she was watching him like that. He had never hoped she would look at him with anything else than disdain, and now she had all that love to offer him - and God was his witness, he would make the better use of it.  
  
"Not today, it seems," he said, smiling back and laying her on the bed.  
  
"Well, I do."  
  
"You do what?" he asked playfully, kissing her cheek and jaw line.  
  
"Love you, silly," she giggled.  
  
"Please show me how much," he whispered, echoing her words of the previous night.  
  
And she was more than willing to.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Honey, I'm home!" said Dawn playfully, walking into the apartment.  
  
"Ok!" said Connor from the shower.  
  
Dawn had worked the late shift today. One of the girls had called sick and she had volunteered to do the double shift since she wasn't working the day after. And they always could use the extra money.  
  
Connor had gone to have dinner at her restaurant then had left, making sure she would take a cab instead of walking in the dark.  
  
He walked out of the bathroom a few minutes later with a towel around his waist. Smiling, he went to Dawn, took her face in his hands and kissed her tenderly and deeply.  
  
"Welcome home, chali," he said.  
  
"Thank you," she said, happy and a little intrigued by his gentleness. "What did you do after you left the restaurant?"  
  
"I came back directly, read a little. Waited for you." Dawn sighed, contented to be with him after that long day of work.  
  
"I'm going to take a shower too. Will you wait for me?"  
  
"Well, I'm not going anywhere," he answered huskily.  
  
Connor walked to the bed and laid on it, discarding the towel he was wearing. Tonight, he wanted to practice some of the things he had read. He wanted to make Dawn feel happy and loved. He just wished his nervousness would go away. In the bathroom, Dawn turned off the shower and wrapped her body in a towel. Stepping out of the bathtub, she put her hands on the counter and looked at herself in the mirror. She was nervous, almost scared. She knew Connor was waiting for her and that he wanted her. Everything in his body language since he had walked out of the bathroom had said so. But she could not shake the distressful feeling of dissatisfaction she had from the first and only time they had made love.  
  
Sighing, she looked around for clean clothes but couldn't find any. She had forgotten to take it before her shower again. She tightened the towel around her and opened the door.  
  
The room was plunged in darkness and she waited a few seconds for her eyes to adjust, time during which Connor stood up and walked to her. The gesture made Dawn increasingly nervous and she couldn't stop herself from taking a step back.  
  
"Dawn.are you ok?" he asked, concerned.  
  
"I.I'm scared," she admitted reluctantly.  
  
"That's fine, chali," he said, putting his hand on her shoulders. "We're not going to do anything that you don't want to."  
  
Dawn took refuge against his chest and he brought his arms around her, hugging her tenderly, kissing the top of her head. Dawn looked up at him and smiled,  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you too," he said, pulling her to the bed.  
  
They laid down on the bed, one next to the other, and before pulling Dawn to his chest, he gently took away the towel still hiding her body. Dawn felt somewhat exposed, but the non-sexual way he pulled her to him put her mind at ease. She laid there, wide awake, her naked body pressed against his, her hand on his shoulder and the other on his muscled chest. She suddenly felt an incredible urge to kiss him.  
  
She raised her head from his shoulder and brought her lips to his, initiating a tender kiss that soon became a lot more passionate. Their tongues dueled for a few minutes, and they both rolled to their side, facing each other.  
  
Short of breath, Dawn stopped the kiss and looked at Connor. He looked back, desire expressed all over his face. She kissed him again, all her fears forgotten, feeling only desire in her womb. The kiss was long, deep and highly sensual. Timidly, Dawn's hand slid along Connor's body, from his chest to his hip and reveled in its softness. Slowly, she brought her hand to his manhood and wrapped her fingers around it. Connor took a deep breath, closing his eyes. His lips found Dawn's again, and he delicately grabbed her lower lip between his teeth and sucked on it. He wet her lips with his tongue and they parted, giving him access to her mouth. When he felt he couldn't stand the feeling of her hand on him more longer, he took it and brought it to his lips, kissing everyone of her fingers tenderly. Then he gently pushed her so she was lying on her back.  
  
Dawn was electrified, she couldn't wait to see what he would do next. She felt shivers down her spine. He took position over her and she felt his lips on her neck, his hands on her breasts, caressing them softly. A moan of pleasure escaped her lips. His touch was so gently, so sensual. She wanted more and she got it. She gasped in surprise when she felt his mouth close around her hard nipple and he began to suck gently. When he got her other nipple, her desire had built so strong that the need was becoming painful. She wanted him inside of her, now. She brought her legs around his waist and pulled him towards her. He was the one who hesitated for a moment, but she finally prevailed with her insistence. When their eyes finally met, she could feel his sex against her wet entrance, throbbing. He entered her tight channel, causing her to shiver violently and catch her breath in her throat. The sensation was incredible. A little painful at first, then incredibly relieving.  
  
"Are you ok?" Connor asked, kissing her forehead.  
  
As an answer, she only pushed him deeper into her with her thighs. The pleasure was incredible, nothing to do with the first time. He began to move into her, slowly, kissing her face, giving time for her climax to build in her. She felt the tension increase to an incredible height. Connor accelerated and she felt her climax coming. Strongly she grabbed Connor by the shoulders and held him tight to her, feeling a wave of pure pleasure wash over her. She moaned Connor's name in ecstasy.  
  
The contractions of Dawn's inner walls also brought Connor over the edge and he came into her, thanking the Powers that Be for allowing him to know a blissful moment like this with such an amazing person like Dawn.  
  
Dawn's pleasure had been earth shattering and so did his. She was still trembling and he looked at her with wonder.  
  
"I love you," he said in a deep voice. "Wherever you are, I feel like I'm home." Dawn smiled back, touched.  
  
"I love you too," she said.  
  
He was still inside her and he felt her inner muscles squeezing him.  
  
"Do you want more?" he asked with a lop-sided grin.  
  
Dawn knew he was referring to one of the articles and laughed.  
  
"I would love too. But I'm not sure if I can."  
  
As if to punctuate her sentence, she yawned like a sleepy satisfied cat, and so did Connor.  
  
"Yeah, I know what you mean," he said.  
  
Slowly, he slipped out of her refuge and she groaned in protest. She liked to feel his solid warmth inside of her and loosing that contact made her feel empty. He rolled on his side and pulled Dawn to him, bringing her back against his chest, laying her hand on his extended arm. He softly caressed her belly and her breasts. Dawn sighed in satisfaction under his touch.  
  
"Chali, I.I wanted to tell you how sorry I am," he whispered in her ear.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"For causing you so much distress."  
  
"Don't worry, it's already forgotten."  
  
"But I can't forget," he said.  
  
Dawn turned in the circle of his arms to face him.  
  
"Don't worry about it," she said, caressing his face.  
  
"I.I've got something to tell you," he said.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
He hesitated for a few seconds.  
  
"It's about where I grew up," he finally started.  
  
Dawn patiently waited for him to say more.  
  
"I didn't grow up on earth. Not really. I grew up in another dimension."  
  
Dawn knew about other dimensions. The Scoobies had talked about it frequently enough, and she remembered that one time they had to deal with a vamped Willow. But she wondered how he got to travel to one.  
  
"I grew up in Quortoth. When I was six months old, a man who wanted to extract vengeance against my father kidnapped me, and he jumped through a portal a demon had opened, taking me with him. It was a Hell dimension, where we were the only two humans. Holtz taught me a lot of things, but they were all related to fighting and violence. There are a lot of thing he forgot to mention. Love is one of them."  
  
"Is he the one who killed your chali?" asked Dawn.  
  
"Yes, he did," answered Connor sadly.  
  
"So when did you come back?"  
  
"Sometime in May. I was full of anger at that time, because I had been told all my life that my real father had abandoned me, and that he was a vicious killer. And Holtz had been killed as well, but he had done it so I would think it was my father who had done it. I finally discovered the truth and went to live with my father."  
  
"And why did you leave?" asked Dawn, caressing his chest and moved by his story.  
  
"Because I heard my father tell his girlfriend he would rather not have me back, or something like that."  
  
They stayed silent for a moment. Then he asked,  
  
"What about you?"  
  
"Same thing. I heard my sister say she was tired of having to take care of me."  
  
"You don't have parents?"  
  
"No. My mother died two years ago, and my father abandoned us when I was little."  
  
"I'm sorry," said Connor.  
  
"Don't be. All those things happening to us, it led us to each other. And meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me."  
  
She kissed him again, more passionately this time.  
  
"I love you,» she said, feeling him getting hard against her abdomen.  
  
He brought his fingers to her wet center. She gasped and moaned every time he touched the sensitive bulb of nerves. He finally found her right spot and rubbed her gently.  
  
"Oh, Connor, please don't stop," she begged, feeling her climax building. When he brought two fingers inside of her, she couldn't take it anymore, moaning loudly.  
  
"I thought we were supposed to sleep," she said, short of breath.  
  
Connor took position over her again.  
  
"I know, but suddenly I don't feel like it anymore," he said, lowering himself inside of her.  
  
They both moaned, looked at each other and laughed. He moved inside of her and she moaned again. He kissed her playfully.  
  
"I feel like playing," he told her. "I was never allowed to play when I was a child. But now, with you.I really would like to play."  
  
"Oh really?" she asked with a mischievous smile. "Then we play," she said, suddenly pushing him off of her and on his back.  
  
To say Connor was surprised was an understatement. Before he had time to move, Dawn straddled him. Connor had always been in control, all his life, and suddenly he wasn't anymore. It was a weird feeling. But very interesting too, considering his current position.  
  
Dawn rose to her knees and lowered herself on him, accepting him inside her. She began to move up and down on him, and he loved that. He could look at her like he wanted, touch her like he wanted. They both came together.  
  
Exhausted, they just rested in each other's arms, listening to their heartbeats.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Buffy woke up and watched the alarm clock. It was only seven am, and it was Sunday, she remembered. Absolutely no reason to get up. Absolutely every reason to stay in bed with Spike.  
  
Which was currently missing in action.  
  
She heard some noise coming from the bathroom. Since she had to answer and urgent call of nature, she got up and opened the bathroom door.  
  
She froze.  
  
Spike was there, indeed.  
  
And he was.  
  
"Spike! Oh my God!"  
  
He jumped and turned back.  
  
"What are you doing?" she stupidly asked.  
  
He gave her a 'duh' look.  
  
"What does it look like? And can't a bloke have some privacy?"  
  
Still shocked, Buffy closed the door and waited outside. A few seconds later she heard the toilet flush and an even more flushed Spike got out.  
  
She looked at him questioningly.  
  
"Ok.another mystery added to 'Spike's little adventures towards humanity'. Although it seems more and more obvious."  
  
He went back to the bedroom and sat on the bed.  
  
"I woke up with that strange feeling in little spike. At first I thought it was just a morning.you know. Then I realized I had to pee!"  
  
She sat besides him, caressing his forehead.  
  
"I hope Giles will find something soon."  
  
Suddenly his previous words sunk in and she burst out laughing. He shot her a furious glance.  
  
"It's bloody not funny, you know!"  
  
"I'm sorry. It's just.I can't believe you gave it a name! I mean.little spike?  
  
Spike realized what he had unfortunately let slip.  
  
"Oh. Forget I said that."  
  
"Absolutely no chance about that, mister!" She got more serious when she saw his face. There was a mix of anger, embarrassment, but mostly fear.  
  
"Don't worry," she said gently. "I'm more and more convinced this is good. Somehow, they decided to reward you for all the goods you've made.for getting a soul out of love."  
  
"Who 'they'?"  
  
"That I don't know.I remembered Cordelia mentioning the Powers That Be once, when I was in LA.maybe they are watching over us too."  
  
He nodded, not totally convinced.  
  
"So, it was the first time you had to pee, for.what?"  
  
"About 127 years."  
  
"Wow. That must have hurt a little, huh?"  
  
"Bloody well it did. It looks like everything starts to function again inside. After all those years, I don't expect it to be a joyride. That's just bloody brilliant," he muttered to himself.  
  
They went back to bed, since it was still early, and Spike needed some comfort. Or at least he was playing the poor puppy that needed comfort, and Buffy couldn't resist him.  
  
"You know," she suddenly said, "You're going to have to face an even bigger challenge now."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Learning to put the toilet seat down."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 


	13. 12 Helpless

~*~Chapter 12 - Helpless ~*~  
  
It was with a bright smile that Dawn brought Miss Annigan's coffee that morning.  
  
"You're awfully cheery this morning, my dear. I would take it that my little advice worked."  
  
Dawn turned crimson red, but didn't lose her smile. "Yes, it did," she said. "I can never thank you enough."  
  
Miss Annigan made a dismissive gesture. "Listen, child, Thanksgiving is next week and I would love if you and your young man would come to my house for dinner.  
  
Dawn beamed at the invitation. "I would love too," she answered, excited. "I'll ask Connor and let you know."  
  
"You do that. I would love to have your company."  
  
"Well, I would love to come."  
  
Somebody from another table called Dawn.  
  
"Go child. Don't get fired over me."  
  
Dawn walked away, happy at the idea of spending Thanksgiving with Miss Annigan. With her and Connor, it would feel like family again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
"Mmmm?"  
  
"It's happening again."  
  
Spike took her hand and put it on his chest. Buffy's eyes shot wide open when she felt the obvious beating under it. The silence in the room was complete, even Buffy had stopped breathing. Then, the beating suddenly stopped. She felt like screaming. No!  
  
"It lasted longer this time," Spike simply said.  
  
"Did it hurt?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah. The first time I was too surprised and didn't really realize. It's like.I don't know, like everything is burning inside, and someone is squeezing very hard. It's hard to explain."  
  
"The burning might be the air in your lungs. You didn't need to breathe for a century either."  
  
"Right. Hope I'm not gonna catch any allergies, then," he said, joking.  
  
But Buffy didn't smile. She rested her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest, hoping vainly she could make it start again. Spike tenderly kissed her forehead and they stayed silent for a moment, lost in their own thoughts.  
  
"Do you realize what it could mean for us?" Buffy suddenly asked in a whisper.  
  
"Of course I do. If I'm human again, it opens a world of possibilities. Like a nice stroll in the park hand in hand in the middle of the afternoon."  
  
She had to smile at that.  
  
"You will have to get an identity. An id card, a social security number."  
  
"I know someone who can help me with that."  
  
"I'm sure you do, honey," she said teasingly.  
  
He kissed her, and it was slow and gentle.  
  
"We could get married," he said matter-of-factly.  
  
She tensed, feeling her heart skip a beat. The simple idea filled her with a happiness she didn't even know was possible.  
  
"Is that a proposal?"  
  
It was his turn to smile. "Yes and no. I don't want to make big plans as long as we don't know exactly what's going on. But if it does turn out like we hope.then you'd better be prepared for that question, yes."  
  
"I'm more than prepared," she whispered. "And you already know my answer."  
  
He put a finger on her mouth.  
  
"Let's keep all that for later, luv. When we'll be sure to do it good and proper."  
  
She acquiesced. Another thought crossed her mind and her breath caught in her throat, her heart started to beat faster. She kept it for herself, though.  
  
"What?" he asked her, feeling something was going on.  
  
Of course she should have know he would feel it.  
  
"If you're human," she said cautiously, "We could.we could have a baby."  
  
Spike felt a rush of emotions running through him. A baby.that.that would be the real thing that would make the whole humanity thing worth it. He didn't really care about all the rest. He had lived like that for more than a century, he could go on for another one. Of course, that meant that Buffy would age and that at some point she would die. But he knew already that when that day came he would go with her. There was no way he would be able to go on without her after that.  
  
But now, there was the probability that he would grow old as well.and yes, the incredible and marvelous idea of having a baby.and maybe two or three.and form a family.  
  
"That would be neat," he said, but she could feel in his voice that he was as moved at the thought as she was.  
  
She sighed. "We have to stop doing this," she said in a sadder tone. "Because if we're wrong.it will be too cruel. And I'm not sure I could handle this on top of everything else."  
  
"You're right. Let's forget about this conversation for the moment."  
  
"Yes, we'll do that. Good night, honey."  
  
" 'Night, bab.sweetheart."  
  
She settled comfortably against him and they both went back to sleep. Their dreams were filled with walks in sunlit parks and baby laughter.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn was happy. Thanksgiving dinner had gone so well. After having dinner at Miss Annigan's on Thursday, they had to celebrate it again on Saturday at Nick's apartment with other friends, and on Sunday they had gone back to Miss Annigan. The weekend had been busy and wonderful, and Dawn was glad that she didn't have time to think about Buffy too much. Even if Thanksgiving in Sunnydale had always been.peculiar. This year, there hadn't been any desperate saving the world type of situation. So Dawn had had a lot of fun.but to be honest, she had missed Buffy and the Scoobies dearly. She often wondered how Buffy was doing since she left three months ago. A part of her wanted more and more to call. Only she didn't have any number to call, since Buffy had probably moved by now.  
  
On an impulse, she took the phone and dialed the information's number. She asked for Sunnydale and gave her sister's name. The minute after, she had her new address and phone number. She hesitated for a moment, watching the telephone as if a solution was going to jump right out of it. She picked up the receiver again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Spike had just stepped into a hot bath when the phone rang.  
  
"Of course," he muttered, then decided to ignore it. The answering machine had not been invented for nothing. He heard the familiar beep and Dawn's voice filled the room.  
  
"Buffy? It's me.Dawn. You remember me, right? (there was a little nervous laugh). I just wanted to say I'm fine."  
  
"Bloody Hell!"  
  
Spike got up and almost jumped out of the bath, slipping on the wet floor and ran in the living room.  
  
".You don't need to worry, and I'm sorry I didn't call."  
  
"Dawn?"  
  
There was a sudden silence. "Spike?"  
  
He closed his eyes. God it was good to hear her voice again. "Yeah, Bit, it's me. Where the hell are you?"  
  
"Buffy's not there?" she asked, not answering his question.  
  
"No, she's working. Dawn, she's been worrying sick about you. And I bloody well have too. Are you ok?"  
  
"I'm fine. I'm sorry I didn't call earlier. It was very selfish. I just needed some time to sort things out."  
  
"Buffy told me what happened. It was a soddin' misunderstanding, Nibblet. Buffy wasn't talking about you. She was talking about Willow."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You were never a burden to her. She was devastated when you left. This is so stupid, Dawn. You have to call her back tonight, she will be so happy to hear you."  
  
"I.Can you tell her I'm ok? You don't have to worry about me."  
  
"How can you expect us not to."  
  
"I have to go. I love you. Bye."  
  
"Dawn, wait!"  
  
The dial tone answered him. The door opened and Buffy came in. She smiled at the scene. Spike was naked in the living room, holding the phone and drenching the carpet.  
  
"Had to make an urgent call?" she asked him.  
  
He put the receiver back. "It was Dawn."  
  
The smile on her face vanished. "What?"  
  
"It was Dawn," he repeated, although he knew she had perfectly understood the first time. "She's ok, Buffy. She's ok."  
  
Buffy let her bag drop, staring blankly at him.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
He came to her, waved his hand in front of her face.  
  
"I'm still here," she said, catching his hand. "Oh God, if I had been there five minutes earlier.what did she say?"  
  
"That she was fine. She asked us not to worry, the stupid bint. She said she was sorry she didn't call earlier."  
  
"That's all? Did you ask her where she was?"  
  
"What do you think? I got no answer, of course."  
  
Buffy was torn between relief and anger. Relieved because her sister was fine, anger because she had waited three months to let her know. The relief finally won.  
  
"Thank God," she whispered, closing her eyes.  
  
"At least we know she's alive. And she seemed to be really good. I told her it was a big misunderstanding. I also asked her to call back."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
She pressed herself against him, not bothering he was all wet. He kissed her forehead.  
  
"It's just a matter of time," he told her. "She will call back, I'm sure."  
  
She nodded, her throat too constricted to answer.  
  
After a while, he said,  
  
"Uh, Buffy.Do you mind if I go back to the bathroom? The living room is turning into a swimming pool. Also, I'm cold."  
  
She took a step back and noticed he was slightly shivering. "Sorry."  
  
She frowned. "What do you mean you're cold?"  
  
"I'm starting to feel the differences of temperature."  
  
"Oh. I see. Of course, go, honey."  
  
She went to sit on the couch, staring blankly in front of her.  
  
Spike emptied the bath and took a quick shower instead, not wanting to leave her alone too long in that state. He got dressed and came back in the living room. He sat down beside her, pulled her against him.  
  
"Are you ok?" he asked.  
  
She nodded, feeling grateful to have him beside her.  
  
"I'm sorry you couldn't talk to her," he said.  
  
"Me too. But I'm glad she had you to talk to."  
  
He stroked her arm comfortingly, also relieved that his Nibblet had finally given a sign.  
  
"You know," she said, watching him, "If I called the phone company they could probably track the number down."  
  
"Buffy, no. Don't. First she was probably calling from a public phone. And second.she made the first step. She called once, she will probably call back. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but she will. Just give her time."  
  
"She sounded ok?"  
  
"Yeah, really. Try not to worry."  
  
She smiled. "You worry as much as me."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn put the receiver back and burst into tears. She didn't know what Spike was doing there, but apparently him and Buffy were ok. She was so relieved to know that. And to be honest, she was glad she talked to Spike. She missed Buffy, but she wasn't sure how her sister would react to the fact she had fled like that and stayed silent for three months. And the worst was that it was apparently based on some stupid misunderstanding.  
  
Then again, Dawn didn't regret for one second her decision. If she had not taken that bus to Seattle well, she would have never met Connor. If only for that, she would do it all over again. Talking about Connor, she didn't want him to come back and find her with a flushed face and eyes full of tears. And she wouldn't tell him she called Buffy either. She didn't want him to think she was unhappy with him.  
  
She went to the bathroom, put some cold water on her face, then came back to the living room and to her books. Over a month ago, when she had gone to the library to get something new to read, she had come across schoolbooks. She hadn't gone back to school yet, considering she had needed to work, but she had every intention to get her high school diploma one day so she started to study. From the library, she had gone on the Internet and had printed out the program she would have followed if she had been to school. Then she had tried some self-teaching. It was hard, especially after her day at work, she wasn't very motivated. More than once she had thought about giving up. Then she had thought about Buffy and how miserable her life had been since she hadn't finished school. Besides, Buffy would be proud of her. So Dawn had decided to persevere and succeed.  
  
Now that she had been at it for over a month, it had become quite easy and Dawn had discovered that she could learn a lot by herself. She enjoyed the challenge. In some topics, she was even getting ahead of the program.  
  
She was trying to understand her mathematic problem when somebody knocked on the door.  
  
"Who is it?" she asked.  
  
"Roland" said a deep male voice.  
  
Dawn frowned. The landlord? What did he want?  
  
She opened the door. "What's the matter?" she asked. He was visibly drunk.  
  
"I need the rent. You're late and I want it now."  
  
"I don't have the money here," she said, hoping to get him to leave. "Connor should be back in about an hour. He'll bring it to you then."  
  
He had grabbed the doorframe, trying to hold himself straight. He looked at her and grinned.  
  
"You know," he said taking an unsteady step in her direction, "I think I could find a way to diminish the rent if you're very nice with me."  
  
"No," said Dawn firmly, her voice not betraying how scared she really was. "And I think you overstayed your welcome. If you don't mind, I have work to do."  
  
There was no other way out from the apartment than the door and he was totally blocking the way. He walked in and closed the door behind him.  
  
"Come on, I know you want some. Don't tell me you're satisfied with that little boy."  
  
"I said no. Get out of my apartment!" she said, backing away.  
  
"Tsk, tsk. Don't think so, sweetie," he said, approaching her greedily.  
  
When Dawn stepped back at the head of the bed, her back almost touching the wall, she took her chance. Rapidly, she jumped over the bed and dashed for the door. She was about to open it when she felt a mass violently crash her into the door and knocking her off her feet. The landlord then pinned her to the floor and held her. He might be drunk but his strength was the same.  
  
"No!" she yelled at the top of her lungs," Let me go! Help!"  
  
And suddenly he was not on her anymore. She looked up to see Connor bring the man's arm behind his back and knocking him against the wall. The man grunted in pain.  
  
"You bastard! What do you think you were doing?" hissed Connor, still holding the guy firmly.  
  
He was now whining. Dawn stood up and came next to Connor. She was still terrified but also immensely relieved.  
  
"Nothing!" said the man. "She wanted it!"  
  
"Did you want it, chali?" asked Connor, calmly.  
  
"Of course not," she answered, angry.  
  
Connor twisted the man's arm. "Listen carefully," he whispered in his ear. "If you ever come near to * my * woman again, I will cut every part of you body that touched her. Is that clear?"  
  
"Yes, yes," whimpered the landlord pathetically.  
  
Connor let go of him, pushing him back in the hallway.  
  
"Here," said Connor, throwing a sum of money to him. "That's for the rent."  
  
He closed the door, locking it, then turned to Dawn who was fixing on the door with rage on her face. "Are you ok?" he asked gently.  
  
She continued fixing on the door without answering.  
  
"Chali? Dawn?" he asked again, putting his hands on her shoulders. At the contact, Dawn jumped as if she had suddenly come out of a trance.  
  
"Are you ok?" he repeated.  
  
"Oh God! Connor.oh God!" she exclaimed, taking refuge in his arms and suddenly starting to cry. "He wanted to rape me!"  
  
She was shaking in fear when the realization of what had just happened had sunk in.  
  
"It's all right, now, chali," he said, caressing her back and her hair soothingly. "I'm here."  
  
Dawn let herself cry in his arms while he held on to her as if her life depended on his support. Once she calmed a little, he looked at her, brushing her tears away.  
  
"I guess I'll have to add some locks on that door," he said, trying to lighten the mood. "Or do you want us to move?"  
  
"More locks would be ok.and I won't opened the door anymore when you're not there. But we can't afford to move, not for the moment."  
  
"Baby, if it makes you feel safer, we can afford it."  
  
"No. I don't think he'll try again anyway. And I'll be more careful. We'll be fine."  
  
For the second time that day, she went to the bathroom and freshened herself up. In her pocket, she took the paper with Buffy's phone number. Knowing that she was there somewhere - and that Spike was there, too - comforted her a little. She knew that in the same situation Buffy would be strong.  
  
So Dawn would be too.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Spike was sitting in the couch, clutching his chest in pain. Buffy was kneeled in front of him, feeling helpless. His heart started to beat more and more often, and for longer periods of time. Which was supposedly a good thing, only it was hurting like hell. He could feel the blood rushing back into his veins, and was extremely warm one minute and freezing cold the next. And there was nothing they could do about it. Just wait. The phone rang.  
  
"Go get it, I'll be fine," Spike said in a hoarse voice, seeing she was torn between staying with him and answering, in case it was Dawn.  
  
She picked it up. "Hello?"  
  
"Buffy? It's Giles."  
  
"Giles! Oh, thank God! Did you find something?"  
  
"Not really yet, I'm afraid. Is everything alright?" he asked, hearing the anguish in her voice.  
  
"Not really. It hurts him. And we don't know what to do."  
  
"Listen, Buffy, I didn't find anything concrete but I might have a lead. Someone told me about a certain prophecy involving a vampire with a soul, that had been kept so far by a law firm in Los Angeles. It was stolen two years ago."  
  
"In Los Angeles? Do you think Angel might know about this?"  
  
"There could be a possibility, yes. Wesley told me once about that law firm they were fighting. I'm going to call him. Maybe they'll be able to help us."  
  
"Ok. Giles.if you get to talk to Angel.please don't tell him about Spike and me. I'd rather do it myself.someday."  
  
"Of course. I'll let you know as soon as possible."  
  
"Thank you. Bye, Giles."  
  
She came back to Spike. The pain was momentarily gone. But his heart was still beating. Buffy put her head on his chest and listened to the rhythmic sound.  
  
"Giles told me about a prophecy involving a vampire with a soul. He's going to call Wesley."  
  
"Well, if there's a prophecy about a souled vampire, it's more likely to concern my dear grand-daddy. He was there before me."  
  
"Still, it can give us some clues. I hate to be in the dark, seeing you suffer like that."  
  
"Well, as long as I don't drop dead - or rather dust - I guess it's for the best."  
  
"Don't joke about that."  
  
"Sorry, pet. But what's happening is obvious now. I just would like to know why. What did I do to deserve it."  
  
"I can answer that one. You changed. You helped us, several times. You fought your nature and you won. For all those reasons. The same that made me fall in love with you."  
  
She plunged her eyes in the blue depths of his.  
  
"I love you," she whispered.  
  
"Then it's all that matters, my love."  
  
TBC. 


	14. 13 Insecurities

~*~Chapter 13 - Insecurities ~*~  
  
"Dawn! Dawn! Open the door!" someone yelled outside.  
  
Dawn and Connor were still asleep that morning since it was their day off. Jumping out of bed, Dawn covered herself with Connor's long shirt and opened the door. Amy, one of the girls working with her, stood there, panting, still with her apron around her waist.  
  
"What's wrong?" Dawn asked, worried.  
  
"There's been.an accident."  
  
Dawn waited for Amy to continue when Connor joined them. "Miss Annigan.she got hit by a car when she walked out of the restaurant."  
  
"No.oh God, no," Dawn said, shaking her head. "Is she ok?"  
  
"We don't know. They took her to the hospital," Amy said, giving Dawn a piece of paper with the address. Dawn took it and went back inside to get dressed.  
  
"Do you want to sit down?" Connor asked Amy  
  
"No, thanks. I have to get back. I just came to tell Dawn, I didn't want to tell her over the phone."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
He closed the door and got dressed as well. A few minutes later, they were on their way to the hospital. They rushed directly to the reception desk.  
  
"May I help you?"  
  
"We're looking for Mathilda Annigan," Dawn asked. "She was brought here about an hour ago."  
  
"Are you family?" asked the woman.  
  
"No. She.she doesn't have any family."  
  
"Please have a seat. I'll see what I can do." A few minutes later, a doctor walked towards them. "Are you here for Miss Annigan?" he asked.  
  
"Yes," Dawn said standing up, holding Connor's hand tightly.  
  
"May I have your name?"  
  
"Dawn.Dawn Summers. I'm not family, I'm a close friend. She doesn't have any family left. Is she ok?"  
  
The doctor looked at her sadly. "Miss Annigan was badly injured. She died on her way to the hospital. I'm sorry," said the doctor.  
  
Dawn put her hand on her mouth. "Oh no."  
  
She fell against Connor's chest in tears. The young man was equally sad, because he had come to like the old woman too, and he knew it was a terrible shock to Dawn. They sat back and he let her cry her soul out, caressing her back gently.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Connor had gone back to work the next day but Dawn hadn't felt good enough to go back to the restaurant just yet. She was not strong enough to see somebody else sit at Miss Annigan's table, knowing the old lady wouldn't occupy it anymore. She had tried to go back to her schoolbooks, but she wasn't able to concentrate. She took out the paper with Buffy's number on it. She knew that if she called her right now she would burst into tears and she didn't want that. So the best way was to write her a letter. She took a piece of paper and stared at it for a few minutes. Then she began to write.  
  
Dear Buffy,  
  
I guess Spike told you already that I called the other day. I'm sorry I missed you. But don't worry, because I'm doing very well. I have a job at a diner, a small apartment that looks pretty shabby but is ok nonetheless, and I have a boyfriend. His name is Connor and he's wonderful. We met on the bus from L.A and he saved me from some serious trouble when I arrived here. Even from here I can see you wince at the idea that I'm living with him, but he's a great guy and he respects me. He ran away too, like me. We understand each other, and I love him with all my heart. He has a job too. He's working at the pier. He saved somebody's life over there and the guy hired him. Together, we're doing pretty well and we are even saving money. At the diner, I also met this old lady that I liked a lot. She's always been nice to me. Yesterday, on my day off, she got it by a car. She died on her way to the hospital. Buffy, I'm so sad. I don't know if I will have the courage to go back to the diner and look at the table she was sitting at everyday. I know I will have to and face her absence, like I had to face yours when you died, every time I walked by your bedroom.  
  
I miss you so much. Spike told me it was a misunderstanding. I don't regret what I did though, because otherwise I wouldn't have met Connor. But I can't go on like this without hearing from you. Tell Spike I miss him too. I'm glad he came back and that things seem to be fine between you. I think about you, a lot. I love you  
  
Dawn.  
  
Quickly, before she changed her mind, she folded the letter and put it in an envelope. She wrote Buffy's address on it and her own on the back. She went out to drop it into the mailbox at the street's corner. She looked at the mailbox for a long minute. She sighed. Dawn walked back home and tried to concentrate on her studies.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"It's amazing", said Willow, her hand on Spike's chest. "Does it hurt?"  
  
"It used to, at the beginning. Now that it beats all the time, it's getting better."  
  
"And still no clue about it?"  
  
"Well, Giles called and said something about a prophecy he had to check.isn't it always about a bloody prophecy?" he grinned.  
  
"Or blood."  
  
"Or blood. So, how's life back at UC Sunnydale?"  
  
Willow shrugged. "Good, I guess. At least studies keep my mind busy. I'm sharing my room at the dorm, and the other girl is nice. Well, not nice 'nice', she has a boyfriend. But we're getting along."  
  
"Glad to hear it," he simply said.  
  
There was a short silence then Willow said, "I know you put some fresh flowers on her grave sometimes.I wanted to thank you."  
  
"S'alright, pet. I do it for Joyce, I might as well do it for Tara. She was a decent bird. And if she's watching over me like you said."  
  
Willow smiled. She had come to like these little talking sessions with Spike. He had become a real friend, and sometimes she even confided in him. He seemed to understand so many things. Buffy arrived from work, put her bag and the mail on the kitchen island.  
  
"Hey Will."  
  
"Hey Buffy."  
  
Buffy went to Spike and slipped in his arms. "Hey baby," he said, watching her with so much love and tenderness Willow almost felt embarrassed. She was sure that they sometimes forgot she was there. They were so lost into each other.  
  
"How was work?" Spike asked, letting Buffy go.  
  
She looked through the mail absently. "Good. Busy. It always is, on Fridays. It's like they.Oh my God."  
  
"What?" Willow and Spike asked at the same time.  
  
Buffy was staring blankly at a letter. "It's from Dawn."  
  
She opened it and started to read out loud. By the end, she was crying.  
  
Willow put her arm around her friend's shoulder.  
  
"Hey, stop crying. It's good news, right? Seems she managed to get a life of her own. And a nice one at that."  
  
"Yeah. But why is that letter so sad? I can feel she's not totally happy."  
  
"She misses you. You two can't be totally happy if you're separated."  
  
Buffy wiped her tears.  
  
"True. Spike? You didn't say anything."  
  
He had taken the letter and was reading it, frowning.  
  
"She's living with her boyfriend?"  
  
"Apparently so."  
  
"Is she crazy? For all she knows, he could be a serial killer! What does she know about him?"  
  
"Well, at least we know his name. Connor. Where did I hear that name?" Willow wondered with a frown. Buffy took back the letter.  
  
"Spike, if he was a serial killer she would probably know by now. She's been living with him for almost three months. Which is awfully fast, by the way."  
  
"She's only 17," Spike grumbled.  
  
"I know. But I can't blame her. I was 17 when I first slep.never mind. They seem to be very much in love. And he's probably as innocent as she is.or was."  
  
"Innocent my ass. I'm sure he took advantage of her."  
  
Buffy laughed. "Oh come on, big bad brother. Wait till you meet him before judging."  
  
"You're taking this awfully well, Buffy," Willow said. "I thought you would be the one who would freak out if Dawn was living with some guy.Oh! I know!" Her face lightened. "It's Angel's son."  
  
Buffy and Spike both turned to her in the same fluid motion. "What?"  
  
"Connor.It's the name of Angel' son."  
  
"Yeah, that's really vital information, Red." said Spike sarcastically.  
  
"Funny coincidence," conceded Buffy. " But I think baby Connor is a little bit too young to live with my sister."  
  
"Well, actually.he's not a baby anymore."  
  
Buffy shot her a surprised glance.  
  
"Oh, that's right, you don't know. I forgot to tell you.or I was too busy trying to destroy the world.uh, anyway. A few months ago, Connor was kidnapped and taken to a hell Dimension. When he came back, he was sixteen years old."  
  
"Oh yeah," Spike intervened," I saw that in The Young and The Restless."  
  
"What? A hell Dimension?"  
  
"No. Kids growing up faster than normal."  
  
"Yeah, uh.whatever. To make a long story short, well, he's not a baby anymore, he's a teenager now. And.oh my." Willow's eyes grew wide. "Cordelia told me he had ran away approximately at the same time. Could it be.?"  
  
"No," Buffy said. "It's impossible. I mean, what are the odds."  
  
"Well it could. If they met at the L.A bus station.that makes sense. You can't rule out the possibility, Buffy."  
  
Spike frowned. "Are you telling me that Dawn.my Nibblet.is living with the Poofter's son?"  
  
"Spike." Buffy said with a warning glance.  
  
"I'm not saying anything. But it could be him, yeah."  
  
Spike turned to Buffy. "See? Told you he wasn't innocent. If he's Angel'son."  
  
She rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue to him. He smirked.  
  
"You'd better keep that tongue in your mouth, unless you plan to use it, Summers."  
  
"Guys, I'm still in the room," Willow said with a pointed look.  
  
Spike took the envelope. "She put her address on the backside," he showed to the two girls.  
  
He and Buffy exchanged a glance.  
  
"I guess she wants to be found, now."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When Connor came back from work, he found Dawn still in her books.  
  
Little did he know she had stayed on the same page all afternoon.  
  
He kissed her forehead. "Hey, chali." He looked at her face. "You've been crying."  
  
She shrugged. "A little. No biggie. I'm ok."  
  
Connor nodded, worried. He didn't want to insist, but he could see she was not doing well. She hadn't been herself the last few days. Of course she had been through a lot, with the landlord attacking her and Miss Annigan's death. Connor was afraid it would take more than a new pair of sheets this time to bring back the smile on her face.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Who are you calling?" Spike asked, seeing Buffy pick up the phone.  
  
"Angel, obviously."  
  
Spike nodded. He didn't like the idea, but unfortunately it seemed to be the first thing to do considering the circumstances.  
  
"Angel Investigations, we help the helpless."  
  
"Cordelia, hi. It's Buffy."  
  
"Hey Buffy. How are you doing?"  
  
"Fine. Is Angel there?" "Yes, but he's busy with a client right now. Is it urgent? Is it the end of the world in Sunnydale again?"  
  
Buffy ignored the slight sarcasm in the ex-cheerleader's voice. "Not really. Cordelia, there's a chance we might know where Connor is."  
  
There was a silence. "I'll go get Angel," Cordelia said, her tone serious this time.  
  
There was a short pause then Angel took the receiver. "Buffy?"  
  
"Hi, Angel. I think that...well, there could be a possibility that your son is living with my sister in Seattle."  
  
"What?"  
  
She explained the latest events and finished with the letter she had just received. "Of course, we don't know for sure it's him.but it's a weird coincidence."  
  
"I think so too. Oh God, I really hope.what are you planning to do?"  
  
"First come to L.A.then we could leave for Seattle."  
  
"Fine with me. When will you get here?"  
  
"Probably tomorrow night," she said, asking Spike silently at the same time. He nodded. "We'll leave just after sunset."  
  
"Ok. We? Who we?"  
  
"Spike will come with me. Ok, see you tomorrow. Bye."  
  
And she hung up the phone abruptly.  
  
Spike clapped his hands. "Nice way to avoid explanations, pet."  
  
"I'm not avoiding it, only delaying it. Tell him the whole story on the phone is not the best option, right? And it can wait tomorrow."  
  
"But you're gonna tell him."  
  
She watched him. "Well, of course."  
  
"Ok," he said, trying to look casual about it and failing lamentably.  
  
She smiled and came back into his arms. "What, you're not afraid of Angel?"  
  
He laughed - very falsely. "I'm bloody not afraid of that wank."  
  
He was interrupted by her glance and sighed. "Ok, ok. I don't really fancy seeing the two of you reunited once more, is all. But I'm not afraid," he repeated firmly.  
  
"Spike, I'm not going there for a big reunion with Angel. I'm going to Seattle to see my sister.who might be living with his son."  
  
He kissed her forehead. "I know. And I promise to behave. I promise not to punch him in the face.well, not too hard."  
  
"Silly."  
  
She put her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. "And while we're there, we could ask Wesley about that prophecy Giles told me about. Oh, and I have to call Giles to let him know we found Dawn. I'm so glad. Now there's a chance that we'll all spend Christmas together, including Dawn."  
  
"Don't forget her charming boyfriend Connor," added Spike sardonically.  
  
He caressed her back gently.  
  
"Baby, I don't want to ruin the mood, here, but.she wrote you a letter, which is good. She obviously misses you. But that doesn't mean she wants to come back."  
  
The smile vanished from her face and he wanted to kick himself.  
  
"Or she does want to come back," he added hastily.  
  
"No, you're right, of course. I'd better wait to see how she's doing there.but she will agree to come back at least for Christmas."  
  
"I'm sure she will, sweetness."  
  
"Should I call her now?"  
  
"Better make it a surprise, pet. I'm sure she expects to hear from you sooner or later. Besides, if that boyfriend of hers is really the Poo.Angel' son, he could persuade her to run away again. Maybe he wants to stay away from his dad. Can't say I blame the poor kid."  
  
"What happened to 'he took advantage of my Nibblet!' " she asked with a horrible imitation of his accent.  
  
"I don't blame him, that doesn't mean I'm not gonna rip his head off."  
  
"If you go on like that, I'm not taking you with me," she threatened him with a scary Slayer stare - with no effect on him at all.  
  
Instead, he took possession of her mouth in a ravaging kiss. She moaned, pressing and rubbing her body against his. He was busy starting to undress her when she pulled herself from his arms.  
  
"Sorry, honey, but I have to go back to work."  
  
"What? But."  
  
"Sorry, I'll make it up to you tonight, I promise. Bye."  
  
And with a last kiss, she left, leaving Spike highly frustrated. "Buffy!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Angel turned to Cordelia.  
  
"There's a possibility that Connor might be living in Seattle with Dawn."  
  
"Angel, that's great! And also.a really weird turn of events, when you think about it."  
  
"I really hope it's him, Cordy."  
  
"I hope so too, Angel. Then the two of you can finally talk things out."  
  
"What's up?" Gunn asked, arriving at that moment.  
  
"The girl with the goofy name called," Fred said excitedly. "She said Connor is probably living with her sister!"  
  
"Ok.huh?"  
  
"Buffy called," Cordelia said. "We're leaving for Seattle tomorrow. Connor could be there."  
  
Gunn smiled. "That's so cool! You mean your son is living with your former lover's sister?"  
  
Cordelia sighed. "Why do I have the impression that we're living more and more in a soap opera?"  
  
"We're not 100% sure it's him. We'll just go and see," Angel said, not wanting to get his hopes too high. Finding Connor had been his obsession for three months now. But Gunn was right. If he really was living with Buffy's sister.the idea made him smile. That meant that somehow, a little bit of Buffy and him was still alive, through those two kids. Then something else struck him.  
  
"She's coming with Spike," he told Cordelia abruptly, saying Spike's name like it was a deadly virus.  
  
"Spike? Oh, yes, of course, they." Realizing too late her error, she babbled, "I mean, Spike? What is she thinking?!"  
  
Angel looked at her. She gave him her most fake plastic smile ever.  
  
"Uh.I think the phone's ringing," Fred said, pulling Gunn with her out of the office.  
  
"Cordelia.did you forget to tell me something?"  
  
"I, uh.well, you know, I was gone on a higher plane, and all that. I suppose it just slipped my mind."  
  
"And what exactly slipped your mind?"  
  
"Spike and Buffy."  
  
Angel crossed his arms on his chest. "Since when is there a 'Spike and Buffy'?"  
  
"Since last year. They had a thing together. Then he left, came back, and apparently they worked things out. I don't know the whole story."  
  
She studied him. He didn't look hurt, or pained, which was good news. But he looked rather angry. At her. That was the bad news.  
  
"Why didn't you tell me?" he finally asked.  
  
"Because I was scared by your reaction."  
  
"What reaction?"  
  
"Pretty much the one you're having right now. I didn't want to see you devastated when I told you the big love of your life had moved on. And with Spike, no less."  
  
"I'm far from devastated. I just don't understand. I thought she wanted a normal guy. Spike is a vampire, and he tried to kill her and her friends several times."  
  
"Hello, mister, so did you. Duh, you even tried to end the world!"  
  
"Well, uh.I wasn't myself, then."  
  
Right, like that lame excuse would work with her.  
  
"Neither was Spike."  
  
"You know what I mean, Cordy. I had no soul."  
  
"Neither had Spike."  
  
He looked at her blankly. "Huh?"  
  
"Spike has a soul. Willow told me he went to Africa to get one. For Buffy. And he * chose * to get one. I guess that says a lot about him and what he has become, don't you think?"  
  
Angel sat down, shocked. "He got his soul back willingly?" "Yes. Impressive, huh?"  
  
"I can't believe it. Since when do you know all of this?"  
  
"A few weeks ago.Willow and I talked and she told me."  
  
"Do you mind sharing the next time you have information's like that?"  
  
"Yeah, like you shared when you had that epiphany and Darla showed up nine months later looking like an elephant? Not only didn't you share, you even lied to me. So excuse me for not sharing about Spike and your little Buffy, and not wanting to see that she can still hurt you. That you still love her."  
  
She stopped, turning her back to him. She didn't want to cry before him. She was a higher being, for God's sake! Higher beings didn't get heartbroken over some stupid, pig-headed souled vampire.  
  
He sighed, came closer and put his hands on her shoulders. "Cordy.you know I love you. You have to trust me. No epiphanies, no lies this time, I swear. I love you."  
  
She put her head on his shoulder. "I know. I love you too. It's just that, it always seems a big deal when Buffy is concerned.and I'll stop being jealous and insecure right this minute."  
  
She watched him with her bright smile. "Ok. When will they be here?"  
  
Before answering, Angel kissed her sweetly. "Tomorrow evening," he finally said.  
  
"I hope that Dawn's Connor is also ours."  
  
"Me too. I'll maybe be able to act like a real father."  
  
They stayed in silence for a moment, then Angel said, "I still don't understand what she's doing with him. He's a vampire!"  
  
"Say the last part again without the exclamation mark and you got your answer. That's the thing with Buffy and vampires. She either slays them or falls madly in love with them. Not that I can blame her. Only I prefer my vampire dorky, broody and fat."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A very elegantly dressed man walked into the restaurant, asking for Dawn. The young girl heard him and came.  
  
"I'm Dawn Summers. Can I help you?" she asked, very intrigued.  
  
"My name is Bryan Edmond. I'm.was Miss Annigan's solicitor. I need to talk to you about something. When can you come to my office?"  
  
He handed her a business card and she took it.  
  
"I.uh, I don't know. I'm not working tomorrow, is that ok?"  
  
"Sure. 2pm?"  
  
"F.fine. I'll be there"  
  
He smiled, held his hand out to her. "Good. I'll see you tomorrow, then, Miss Summers."  
  
"Ok. Bye."  
  
He walked out, leaving her totally confused, and a little worried 


	15. 14 Reunion

~*~ Chapter 14 - Reunion ~*~  
  
Dawn had asked Connor to come see the solicitor with her. She had no idea what was going on, and her worry was increasing with every hour.  
  
They arrived fifteen minutes before the appointed time, relieved to see it was indeed a notary's office. At least it wasn't some trap.  
  
The solicitor welcomed them and they went to his office immediately.  
  
They sat down in front of him. He opened a folder and retrieved some paper from it. "Can I see some identification, Miss Summers?"  
  
"Y.yes."  
  
She took her bag, looked for her wallet and handed him her card.  
  
He put it in front of him next to the folder. "Miss Summers, Miss Annigan told me you had become friends a few months ago when you had arrived in Seattle."  
  
"That's correct," Dawn said, having no idea what was going on.  
  
"A few days ago, by mere chance, Miss Annigan came to see me. Of course she couldn't know that she would be the victim of that unfortunate accident. But she was a very provident person, and didn't want to take any risk. So she came to ask me to make some changes in her testament. And you, Miss Summers, are the beneficiary of those changes."  
  
Dawn suddenly understood. "You mean she.she's leaving me an inheritance or something?"  
  
The man smiled knowingly. "Exactly."  
  
"Oh.I didn't expect that. That's very nice of her."  
  
"She liked you a lot," Connor pointed out.  
  
"Yes, but still. She had no obligations."  
  
"Don't you want to know what your inheritance is?" asked the solicitor with a smile. Dawn laughed. "Oh.Of course."  
  
"Well, as written on this official testament, read and signed by Miss Mathilda Annigan on the 28th of November 2002, you, Miss Dawn Summers, are inheriting the sum of 25.000 $."  
  
A huge silence suddenly fell on the office. Dawn and Connor were watching the man like he had suddenly grown two heads - although they would have probably be less surprised then.  
  
Dawn put her hand on her heart and opened her mouth, but no sound came out of it.  
  
"I can see that Miss Annigan never talked to you about this. I understand your shock. Of course you'll have to sign some papers, and I'll have to explain how it works. But these things take time, so I'd rather have you back when I have all the papers. Call me when you find your voice back, and we can make another appointment."  
  
Dawn nodded. "Alright," she finally said. "T.Thank you M. Edmond."  
  
And the new heiress left with her boyfriend.  
  
They walked in silence for a moment, the Dawn stopped and looked at Connor.  
  
"Did I hear him well?" she asked him.  
  
"Well, if you heard 25.000 $, yeah, you heard well. Looks like Miss Annigan's was hiding a lot of money under her mattress."  
  
"I had no idea she had so much money. I mean, 25.000 $ for me! How.what.I mean." She laughed nervously. "Do you realize what it means?"  
  
"To be honest.not really. Looks like a big sum of money, though."  
  
He still had trouble evaluating that kind of thing. As long as there was food on the table, a roof above their heads and a smile on Dawn's face, he was happy. But judging by Dawn's expression, that sum looked like something rather important.  
  
"Well, for instance I could buy you at least 15 suits like that guy was wearing."  
  
He frowned. "I don't think I would enjoy wearing that."  
  
She laughed, the implication of what just happened slowly sinking in. "That means we can move out! That means we won't have to worry about money for a long, long time!"  
  
"Does that mean you're gonna be happy again?"  
  
She reached out to him and took his hand. "The money doesn't make me happy, Connor. You do. But the things we'll be able to do with it, yes, that will help a great deal. Starting with searching for a new place."  
  
He took her in his arms. "If this is what you want, then we'll do it. I don't care where we live, as long as we are together."  
  
She kissed the tip of his nose. "I agree. But together-in-a-nice-place is better than together-under-a-bridge, right? Although we'd better wait for that appointment with that solicitor. And I don't know if he realized I was a minor. I don't know if it's important or not."  
  
He pulled back a strand of hair behind her hear. "Always the voice of reason, my Dawn," he said tenderly.  
  
"I still can't believe she did that. She barely knew me. It's the most generous thing I've ever seen anyone do." Except maybe for Buffy jumping off that tower to save my life, she thougt.  
  
"I told you, she liked you a lot. Like a daughter."  
  
"Wow. I can't wait to tell Buffy about this," she said without thinking.  
  
Connor frowned. "Buffy?"  
  
"Uh.my sister. I mean I wish I could tell her."  
  
"That's not what you said. You said you couldn't wait to tell her."  
  
Dawn sighed. Why was she lying to him about that anyway? "I.I called her. The other day. And I wrote her a letter. Connor."  
  
She took his hand but he pulled it back. He was suddenly pale. "You miss her. You want to go back in Sunnydale," he said, looking totally crushed by the idea.  
  
"No! Of course not ! Connor, there's nothing I want more on this planet than to stay with you, I swear. But I always had this special relationship with my sister.and even her friends.and I miss them, yeah. I needed to hear her, to let her know I was alright. Don't you want to let your dad know you're ok? Don't you think he must be worried?"  
  
Connor laughed bitterly.  
  
"I highly doubt it. You see, I didn't really know that perfect family life you miss so much.I thought I had found that here with you," he added, his voice slightly trembling.  
  
Heartbroken, she slipped into his arms and held him tightly. "Connor, we are family. We're together, and that will never, ever change. I swear."  
  
They held on to each other, then Connor pulled back.  
  
"I just want you to be happy, Dawn," he repeated.  
  
"And I am," she whispered. "I am."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Hey Buffy."  
  
"Hi Angel."  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Angel."  
  
The atmosphere in the Hyperion lobby was suddenly very tense. Cordelia went to hug Buffy. "Hey Buffy. Nice to see you. Hi Spike," she said, a little colder. After all the last time she had seen him he had tried to kill her and had tortured Angel mercilessly.  
  
She introduced the newcomers to Fred and Gunn.  
  
"Hi," said Fred, cheerful as always. "I had two rooms prepared for you," she said.  
  
Buffy smiled back. "Thank you. But one will be enough."  
  
Spike shot her a surprised glance. Angel tensed, and Cordelia, who was standing next to him, could swear she heard him growl. She rolled her eyes.  
  
Fred leaned to Gunn and whispered, "Did we miss an episode?"  
  
"I think we missed a lot of them."  
  
Angel took Buffy's bag. "I'll show you your room, then," he said, taking the stairs, assuming Spike and Buffy were following him. "How was the trip?"  
  
"Good," Buffy said. "Not much traffic."  
  
Cordelia called them back before they vanished upstairs. "Fred and I prepared dinner. Can we meet down here in thirty minutes?"  
  
Buffy and Spike agreed and Cordy and Fred retreated to the kitchen. "Wow," said Fred, "What's going on between those three?"  
  
Cordelia sighed. "Do you have the next six months free? Honestly, I wouldn't even know where to start."  
  
Upstairs, Angel led Buffy and Spike into one of the rooms.  
  
"Here you go. I figured we could leave for Seattle tomorrow evening. We've got a good 20 hours ride."  
  
"Tomorrow is good. Thank you, Angel."  
  
"See you downstairs."  
  
And with a last suspicious look, he left.  
  
Buffy put her bag on the bed and took some clothes and products out of it.  
  
Spike wandered around the room. "Nice place."  
  
"Yeah. A little too big, maybe. But it seems they are all living here. Except for Wesley. Oh, we have to call him before we leave."  
  
Spike came back to her and put a strand of hair behind her ear. "Why don't you go talk to him?"  
  
She looked at him, confused. "Who? Wesley?"  
  
"No. Angel. You haven't seen each other for some time. Don't tell me you've got nothing to say to him."  
  
Buffy smiled, surprised and touched. He wasn't certainly thrilled by the idea of sending her to Angel's room, even to talk.yet he encouraged her to do so.  
  
"I love you," she simply said, kissing him deeply.  
  
"I know, love. Now go."  
  
She left, and came back a few seconds later. "Do you know where his room is?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The door was open and he had seen her arrived, but she knocked nonetheless.  
  
"Can I come in?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
She walked in the room, looking around. "Cordelia told me which room was yours."  
  
And she was probably very pleased to do so, Angel thought.  
  
She took a picture from the dresser. "Is this Connor?"  
  
"Yeah.when he was a baby. About eight months ago."  
  
She smiled slightly. "Right.The Young and the Restless."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Nothing. So, you don't have more recent picture of him?"  
  
A cloud passed over his face. "No. We didn't really have the time.or the opportunity. I'm afraid I still have lot to learn at being a good dad."  
  
"Same here.raising a teenage is a lot more difficult than stopping an apocalypse," she chuckled.  
  
"Talking about apocalypse.how are things in Sunnydale?"  
  
"Good. Uh, except maybe that I lost my house. I live in a small apartment near Main Street."  
  
"With Spike."  
  
A heartbeat. "Yes.with Spike."  
  
Another silence, as if he was painfully swallowing the news. He sighed. "This is probably going to end in a fight, but I have to ask. Why Spike? I thought you wanted a normal guy."  
  
"Well, I tried Mister Normal Guy, but it didn't really work out, so.Spike has changed, Angel."  
  
He nodded. "Is it because of the soul?"  
  
"Not really. I.I had feelings for him before he got it. And he's been helping us, and taking care of Dawn, and loving me without it. You know, the guy who killed my friend Tara had a soul. He nearly destroyed everything."  
  
Angel didn't say anything, waiting for her to go on. He didn't really want to know what had occurred between her and Spike, to be honest. But he felt that she needed to explain it. She didn't need his approval. Whatever his reaction may be, she would stay with Spike anyway. That was obvious by the way she was looking at him. Like she needed to breathe and he was the bottle of oxygen. But she needed Angel to understand.  
  
"So.Things just happened between Spike and me. Complicated, sordid. Then it became really ugly and he left. He went to Africa and fought that demon in order to get his soul. For me. Because he loves me."  
  
And her face lit up when she said those words.  
  
"You love him," Angel said finally.  
  
The question was useless. If Buffy didn't love Spike, she wouldn't live with him.  
  
"Yes. I love him. I fought it for a long time, with misconceptions and stupid prejudices. While he was gone, I realized I needed him. Not to fight demons. Just to be with me, by my side. I had never wanted anything so much in my life."  
  
"Like you've never loved anyone so much?" he asked, but once again it was not really a question.  
  
She smiled softly. "Angel, what do you want me to say? That I still love you? Of course I do. I always will. With Spike, it's just different. He's my equal. We were meant to be. We belong to each other."  
  
"He's your soul mate," he said, suddenly realizing that all that she had just said was applying perfectly to himself and Cordelia. And that if Buffy needed to tell him that, he needed to hear it. After seven years, they could finally acknowledge the fact that they had both moved on, and that there was nothing wrong about this.  
  
"Does he make you happy?"  
  
A wide smile spread on her face. "Pretty much, yeah."  
  
He nodded again, smiling this time. "Then it's all that matters. Even if it has to be Spike."  
  
Relief washed over her and she hugged him. "Thank you, Angel. It means a lot to me."  
  
He held her, surprised to feel only tenderness and friendship for that girl he had once be willing to die for. He never thought their love for each other could one day just be gone. Not really gone, he corrected. Just buried deeply in their hearts, as a memory to treasure. But nothing more than a sweet memory.  
  
"How come you didn't find anyone yet?" she asked him. "I know there's the curse and all that, but are the girl in L.A completely blind?"  
  
He smiled, cleared his throat in embarrassment. His time to confess. "Well, actually.there is.that is, Cordelia and I."  
  
Buffy's eyes opened wide. Her turn to swallow the news. "Oh. But you can't."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Well, you did with Darla, apparently."  
  
"Yeah. I had had a bad day."  
  
"But you didn't revert."  
  
"No. No chance to find perfect happiness there."  
  
"But with Cordelia."  
  
"It would probably be, yes."  
  
"Well.if you're happy, then it's all that matters to me too," she finally said, and he could see she was sincere. They hugged one more time, when a noise at the door interrupted them.  
  
Spike was there. He smiled to Buffy. "If you're hungry, pet.they're waiting for us downstairs."  
  
His tone was even, his look confident. He would not show to Angel how he hated to see his Slayer close to him like that. Even if he trusted Buffy.  
  
"Ok. I'll go wash my hands. I'll meet you there, sweetheart," she said to Spike, kissing him quickly on the lips.  
  
She left the two vampires alone.  
  
"You'd better take good care of her," said Angel finally.  
  
"I already do, mate," Spike answered.  
  
"So, dating Buffy, having a soul.do you always have to do the same thing as me?" For one moment Spike was tempted to be cruel and answer 'the difference between your soul and mine is called shagging', but he refrained himself. And that would be disrespectful for Buffy.  
  
Damn soul.  
  
So he didn't react to that, preferring to watch his grand sire from head to toe as he asked, "Didn't you put on some weight?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 


	16. 15 Acceptance

~*~ Chapter 15 - Acceptance ~*~  
  
The two vampires went together downstairs in the kitchen. Cordelia and Fred had set the table, complete with food and blood. They all sat around it.  
  
"I need to talk to Wesley," Buffy said. "Is he coming tomorrow?"  
  
The atmosphere, which was already a little tense, worsened.  
  
"Wesley isn't working for us anymore," Angel answered. "But if you need to see him, I'll give you his phone number. You can call him tonight."  
  
"Thanks, that would be nice."  
  
"Why do you need Wesley for?" asked Cordelia with her usual discretion.  
  
Buffy hesitated, gave Spike a questioning look as he nodded.  
  
"Might as well tell them, pet."  
  
"We think that Spike is becoming.human."  
  
Silence fell upon and all eyes turned to Spike, who shifted in his chair uneasily.  
  
"Human? What do you mean, human?" Angel finally asked.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes. Like there could be a hundred of bloody different explanations of what human means.  
  
"Human as in his heart is beating, he breathes, he sneezes, he even has to go to."  
  
"S'alright, love, I think he got the picture," Spike interrupted her.  
  
"But.how did this happen?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"That's what we don't know. And we're not even sure.that's why I wanted to see Wesley. Giles talked to him already, and he mentioned some prophecy about a vampire with a soul becoming human."  
  
Angel and Cordelia looked at each other.  
  
"The Prophecies of Aberjian."  
  
"The Shanshu," Cordelia whispered.  
  
"The what now?"  
  
"The Prophecies of Aberjian. I stole it a few years ago during a little visit to Wolfram & Hart, the law firm we are fighting. It said that the vampire with a soul, once he fulfilled his destiny, will Shanshu, which means become human."  
  
Angel had said that in a neutral tone. Cordelia, however, was looking suddenly very distressed.  
  
"But that prophecy is about you, Angel, right?" she asked, looking from Spike to his grand sire.  
  
Angel stared in his mug of blood. "Well, the prophecy mentioned a vampire with a soul, not my name specifically. And it looks like I'm not the only souled vampire anymore."  
  
"No, but you were the first! You've got some sort of priority, right? I mean, no offense, Spike, but this can't be.Angel deserves it."  
  
"Spike deserves it too," Buffy said softly.  
  
She understood Cordelia's reaction, now that she knew the bond existing between Angel and her. And even if she didn't want to rob Angel from his prophecy, she couldn't help but thinking of all the things it implied for Spike and her if this was the explanation.  
  
Spike raised his hand. "Alright, before we all jump to conclusions, here, why don't we wait for Watcher junior to enlighten us some more? I have no intention of stealing Angel's prophecy," he said, echoing Buffy's thought. "And I'm still technically a vampire. Still fangy, still no reflection, still drinking blood.I guess," he added with a disgusted look to his mug.  
  
"But you eat real food," Fred said, pointing to the remnants of his dinner. "True. And I barely drink blood anymore, to be honest. Then again, I always enjoyed food before. At the Bronze, they used to have those flower-shaped onions."  
  
"Off topic, honey," Buffy whispered.  
  
Cordelia was looking at Angel, worry filling her eyes. Under the table, Angel caught her hand and squeezed it gently.  
  
"I'm going to call Wesley tonight," he said calmly, not betraying what he was feeling. "I'll ask him to go once more through the Aberjian while we're gone. See if he can find some other clues. He's already researching.something else for me."  
  
"Good idea," Spike said, standing up. "In the meantime, I suggest we get some rest. We have a long journey tomorrow."  
  
He could see as well that Cordelia was very upset by the news. And he had noticed the little flicker of hope in Buffy's eyes. He wouldn't stand it if that hope was crushed once more.  
  
"I don't want to steal Angel's bloody prophecy from him" Spike repeated once they were in their room.  
  
"Me neither. But if it happens, you won't have stolen anything. It's a prophecy. And you asked for your soul, remember? Angel got cursed with it. Not that it changes anything in the end. You both deserve it."  
  
She wouldn't admit it, but deep inside she thought that Spike deserved it more than Angel. Angel had chose to do good after being cursed with his soul. Spike had chose to do good from his own will, and then had asked for a soul. Because he thought it would help him to be a better man.  
  
Not that she didn't want Angel to become human again. A few years ago, that was one of the things she had dreamed about the most. So she understood perfectly the pain she had seen in Cordelia's eyes.  
  
She brushed her teeth before joining Spike under the sheets. She nestled against him. One of the many good points of his probably regaining humanity was his much warmer body temperature. "I can't wait to see Dawn," she whispered in the crook of his neck.  
  
"Me too, pet. And I can't wait to meet her charming boyfriend either," he said in a snarky tone.  
  
"You promised to behave," she reminded him.  
  
"Well, that depends on Poof Jr. And how he treated my girl."  
  
"I wonder if he seduced her with the same lame pick up line you used with me."  
  
"What lame pick up line?" he asked in an offended tone.  
  
"You'll find out on Saturday. I'll kill you," she said, trying to reproduce his male voice and his accent, and failing horribly.  
  
"That wasn't a pick up line. I did really intend to kill you back then. Bad luck got in the way. Oh, and your mum with an axe as well."  
  
She laughed at the memory. "True. And a few months later she was drinking cocoa with you in her kitchen."  
  
"A nice lady she was," Spike approved.  
  
"I'm sure she would be happy for me. For both of us."  
  
She put a caressing hand on his chest, still amazed at the feeling of his beating heart.  
  
"What if I lose my strength?" he suddenly asked out of the blue.  
  
She looked at him. "Lose your strength?"  
  
"Yes, if I become human. I'll lose all the vampiric abilities, my strength being one of its advantages."  
  
"You still seem to have it for now. You beat the crap out of that Guzlar demon the other night."  
  
"Sure, I'm still strong now. But what will happen then?" "I guess we'll see about that when it actually happens," she said, and she could feel he was not satisfied.  
  
She rose on her elbow. "Spike.will you regret not being a vampire anymore?"  
  
He sighed. "Honestly.I don't know, pet. I mean it's a wonderful thing to become human again, because of all the possibilities it opens for us.but there are other things I'll probably miss, yes. Won't you miss your time as a Slayer once it's done?"  
  
"You mean will I miss saving the world every week, patrolling in cemeteries every night and going back home covered in demon goo? I think.no."  
  
She smiled. "But yes, there's probably some things that I'll miss," she admitted.  
  
"Imagine all the tales we will be able to tell our grand-children."  
  
"Spike, we agreed."  
  
"I know, sweetheart. I'm sorry. It's just.that's probably the main reason why I would definitely choose human over vampire."  
  
She yawned and put her head back on his chest.  
  
"We should try to sleep," he whispered. "We have a long journey tomorrow."  
  
"Ok," she said, tracing little kisses on his shoulder and chest.  
  
"I won't be able to sleep if you do that," he said, and she chuckled.  
  
She whispered in his ear, "That's the point," and understanding what her naughty intentions were, he obligingly complied.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Did you reach Wesley?"  
  
Angel turned around from his position by the window and looked at Cordelia.  
  
"Not yet."  
  
She walked into his room and stopped a few feet from him. He could see she had been crying.  
  
"Cordelia."  
  
He closed the distance between them and took her in his arms. She held on tightly to him.  
  
"It'll be alright," he whispered in her hair. "It always does."  
  
She just nodded, afraid that if she talked she would start to cry again.  
  
"I want to stay with you tonight," she said softly.  
  
Most of the time they avoided sleeping in the same bed. The temptation was too dangerous. But tonight, she really needed to feel close to him, and so did he.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn was staring at the papers she was holding, the papers that made her officially the heiress of $ 25.000.  
  
They were in bed, and Connor was reading a magazine Nick had lent him. He turned his head to watch her. "Are you memorizing it?" he finally asked.  
  
She put the papers on the night table and snuggled next to him. "No. I was just thinking that I would give anything to see her, instead of those papers. You know, I used to love going to work because I knew she would be there, and we would talk. Now it's not the same. It's hard."  
  
Connor put down his magazine and took her in his arms. "I'm sorry, chali. If only there was something I could do."  
  
"Just be here with me makes it better already," she said, kissing him.  
  
They made love gently and slowly, and Dawn's sorrows eased a little. But the feeling of emptiness remained.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Buffy opened her eyes, checked the alarm clock. Still early. It was that time in the morning when it's nice to be awake, because you know there's still a few hours to go before having to get up and face the real world, and you can snuggle under the cover. The big bonus for her being the loving vampire holding her tightly from behind.  
  
With a smile, she positioned herself comfortably against his strong body.  
  
Just before a big wave of nausea hit her. "Oh God."  
  
Thanks to Slayer speed, she made it to the bathroom in time.  
  
Spike followed immediately, holding her forehead and massaging her back while she was emptying her stomach. When she was done, she sat back on the floor.  
  
Spike wet a towel and wiped it gently on her face.  
  
"Thanks,' she whispered, a little out of breath.  
  
"Are you alright?" he asked, worry creating a frown on his forehead.  
  
She nodded. "Yeah. I don't think my stomach and Cordelia's cooking are very mixy things, though."  
  
Her face was regaining some colors already. He helped her getting back on her feet and she leaned against his chest. He lifted her in his arms and brought her back to the bed, putting her between the covers before joining her. He put a hand on her stomach, rubbing it gently.  
  
"That feels good," she whispered, putting her face in the crook of his neck, where he always smelled yummi.  
  
"Just rest some more, my sweet. I'll let you know when it's time to get up."  
  
She peacefully fell back to sleep, enclosed in the safety of his arms.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
"What should I do? Yell at her or hug her?"  
  
Spike finished to button his shirt and smiled at Buffy. She was packing the few things they had used. She looked fresh, all the previous morning sickness forgotten.  
  
He came to her and stroked her hair. "Go with the hug, sweetheart. You both need it, I think."  
  
"I can always use a hug, especially when you're around," she said, putting her arms around his neck. He pressed his lips softly to hers, dropping his hands to her back and bottom in a slow massage. She let a small sigh of pleasure escape.  
  
The door was open but they didn't notice Angel at the threshold. The older vampire stood there silently for a minute, unsure of what to do. A part of him wanted to make his presence known and break the intimacy he was witnessing. That little part of him that couldn't bear to see Buffy in the arms of another man. But the other part, the one that had moved on for a long time now, was almost fascinated by the love that irradiated from the two beings kissing tenderly in the middle of the room.  
  
He finally cleared his throat while giving a slight knock on the door. "Morning," he said pretending he had just arrived.  
  
Buffy and Spike separated from each other, but Spike's hand stayed firmly on her waist.  
  
"Hey Angel," said Buffy, trying to regain focus.  
  
"We have.there's this case we have to take care of before leaving. Cordelia and Fred will be staying here. Feel free to do whatever you want. We'll leave as soon as the sun set."  
  
"Ok, thanks. We'll keep ourselves busy," she said, and blushed when Spike raised his eyebrow with a smirk.  
  
"Right. See you later, then."  
  
Angel gone, Buffy gave Spike a slap on the arm. "You and your twisted mind!"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
They decided to take Angel's car and left right after sunset.  
  
They had decided to drive until one hour before dawn and stopped in a small motel for the day, so Angel and Spike could rest. Both girls had slept a little bit in the car, and were dying for a coffee. They spotted a vending machine and sat on the bench next to it.  
  
Cordelia watched the mixture in her cup with disgust. "Urgh! And here I thought nothing could top Angel's coffee in badness."  
  
She drank it nonetheless, throwing the empty cup in the trashcan next to them. "So.you really have this thing for vampires, huh?" Cordelia asked.  
  
Buffy smiled. "Only two of them. And you must admit they are the special kind."  
  
"Oh yeah. I tried to resist at first, you know. When I realized I had strong feelings for him. When Darla came back pregnant.I was really hurt. That's how I knew. Then a lot of things happened, with Wesley, then Connor.and just when we had the chance to really talk, fate separated us. Since we came back, things were finally looking good. Of course, there's the curse, so we never got.intimate, but we were ready to wait. Because of the prophecy."  
  
"I'm sorry," Buffy said, not knowing exactly how to react.  
  
"I'm not blaming anyone," the brunette added. "But it's hard to accept."  
  
"Cordelia, believe me, I understand what you're going through."  
  
"I know. That's why I'm telling you. And, well, we don't know yet if that's the explanation." She laughed softly. "I remember in high school, how I thought you were incredibly stupid to fall in love with a vampire, especially one you couldn't even.you know."  
  
"I guess that makes you an incredibly stupid person too, then," Buffy replied with an ironic smile.  
  
"Exactly. And you know what? I don't care. And it's not stupidity."  
  
They shared a knowing look. "It's just love." 


	17. 16 Truths

~*~ Chapter 16 - Truths ~*~  
  
Once again they left at sunset. They arrived in Seattle a few hours later, still early in the morning.  
  
"The first thing to do is to find a hotel, preferably in the vicinity of where Dawn and Connor live," Angel said.  
  
Cordelia pulled out the Seattle map she had bought and gave directions to Angel. Once in the neighbourhood, Angel parked in front of the first hotel he saw.  
  
"This one will do," he decreed. "And sunrise is getting a little too close for comfort."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
At six o'clock that night, they met in the lobby after some well- deserved rest.  
  
"Have you got the address?" Spike asked Buffy.  
  
She took Dawn's envelope out of her bag and they checked with the map. They were even closer than they thought, and it turned out they could walk to Dawn and Connor's place.  
  
The more they were getting closer, the more Buffy was becoming nervous. "I hope she won't be mad at me for coming without calling."  
  
"Aren't you supposed to be mad at her because she ran away? I think you've got some priority here" Cordelia replied.  
  
They stopped in front of a timeworn building and went inside.  
  
"Apartment 4C," Buffy said.  
  
The hallway had a creepy look but was clean. They heard a sudden screaming, followed by giggles, then another scream. A male voice resounded, then a loud thump. And silence.  
  
"I think.I think that was Dawn," Buffy said hesitantly.  
  
Spike gritted his teeth. "Ok, if that git touched her."  
  
"Spike, they've been living together for three months, what do you think happened?"  
  
"Yeah, and besides, maybe she was the one taking advantage of him," Angel said.  
  
Buffy turned to him. "Hey! It's my sister you're talking about!"  
  
"I'll say," muttered Cordelia.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Connor lived in a hell dimension all his life. He doesn't know anything about girls and sex," Angel explained.  
  
"And it's not like you could teach him anything about that," Spike intervened, smirking.  
  
The three others glared at him.  
  
"He's totally innocent," Angel added.  
  
"So is my sister."  
  
"Maybe they just lived like brother and sister then," Cordelia offered with an ironic smile.  
  
"Yeah, right," Spike snorted.  
  
Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Ok, guys, what about we sit down to continue this nice chat and order some tea and biscuits.oh no, wait, I have a better idea: why don't we knock on that damn door already?"  
  
"Why knock? I suggest we barge in," Angel said, and Spike seemed to approve.  
  
Buffy shot them a furious glance. "No. No barging in. We knock on the door like civilized people.even though some of us are obviously not."  
  
Cordelia sighed. "This is ridiculous. Let's get done with this." She gave a firm knock on the door.  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
Cordelia exchanged a glance with Angel. It was Connor's voice.  
  
Buffy put her hand on the door. "Dawn? Are you there?"  
  
There was an exclamation just before the door opened.  
  
"Buffy!"  
  
Dawn jumped in her arms and Buffy held her tight.  
  
"Hey Dawnie."  
  
"Buffy, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" She took her sister's hand and led her in the apartment.  
  
"Come inside. Connor, this is my sister Buffy, and.Spike!" she exclaimed, noticing the blonde vampire. She jumped into his arms as well, much to Angel's surprise.  
  
"I'm so happy to see you!"  
  
"Me too, Nibblet. You gave us quite a scare, you know."  
  
Angel and Cordelia walked in the apartment. Connor tensed, but his face betrayed real shock when he heard Dawn say, "Hey guys. What are you doing here?"  
  
"You know them?" Connor asked Dawn.  
  
She turned to him, surprised by his harsh tone. "Well, yes.it's Angel and Cordelia." She was about to explain who they were when Angel said, "Hi Connor."  
  
It was Dawn's turn to be stunned. "You know each other?"  
  
"Angel is my father," Connor answered between clenched teeth.  
  
"What? That's impossible."  
  
Buffy stepped in. "You mean you don't know who you are? What did you guys talked about for three months?"  
  
"Well maybe we had better things to do than talk," Connor said with a nasty grin, and Dawn gasped. She then realised what they must look like. Connor was wearing the bottom of his pajamas, and she was wearing the top. The bed was messed up, because they had been.well, busy. Connor pointing out the obvious was really not necessary.  
  
Spike immediately reached out to Connor and grabbed him by the neck. "I don't like your tone, mate. Apologies to the girl," he said, showing Dawn, who was now looking at Connor with hurt and incomprehension on her face.  
  
"Spike, let him go," Angel ordered his childe.  
  
Connor gave Angel a angry look "I can handle myself, thank you. I don't need your help."  
  
Connor shoved Spike's arm away and went to Dawn. "I'm sorry Dawn. I didn't mean it." He turned to the others. "I don't understand. Why are you here? How did you find us?"  
  
"Your address was on the letter Dawn sent me," Buffy explained.  
  
Connor looked at Dawn. "Why didn't you tell me you had asked her to come?"  
  
"I didn't. And I didn't expected her to arrive like this without warning, and with the whole gang."  
  
"You hadn't given me your phone number," Buffy said. "I could have tracked it down, but when I received your letter I just wanted to come immediately and see for myself that you were fine. You had mentioned Connor's name, and Willow did the math. That's why Angel and Cordelia are with us."  
  
Dawn smiled. "I'm glad you came, Buffy."  
  
Seeing that Angel didn't know what to do in front of his son's opened hostility, Cordelia went to Connor. "Connor, why did you run away like that? We were so worried about you." "I heard you and Dad. You don't want me around." And while saying that he looked more like a lost child than an angry teenager.  
  
"Connor, that's not true," Angel said, finally intervening in the conversation. "I certainly never said I didn't want you around. Whatever conversation you overheard, you didn't stay long enough to hear Cordy and me say that we loved you and wanted to form a real family. I know things have been really hard, but why didn't you let us a chance to explain?"  
  
Connor hesitated. That was true, he hadn't stayed to listen to the whole conversation. He had left without hearing the rest.  
  
"Connor, I know I probably deserve the gold medal for the worst dad ever, but please trust me when I say I never wanted you to leave. I want us to finally build the relationship we never had the chance to have."  
  
While saying this, he had come over Connor and had put his hand on his shoulder. Connor didn't push him away.  
  
"First, Dawn and I need to talk," he finally said.  
  
Dawn turned to her sister. "I still don't get how Connor can be Angel's son. Did you know this?"  
  
"Willow mentioned it to me last year. With all that happened, I never got the chance to tell you. I don't even think Xander knows."  
  
"It's a long story," Angel said.  
  
"And I prefer to tell her about it myself," Connor added. "Listen, I don't want to be rude, but.Dawn and I really need to talk. Do you mind coming back tomorrow?"  
  
Buffy was about to protest when she saw the look on Dawn's face. She was watching the boy with worry and love.  
  
"Alright," she conceded. "Cordelia and I will come back tomorrow morning, and we can all have dinner tomorrow night, what do you say?"  
  
Dawn nodded. "It's fine. We're not working tomorrow. Connor?" she asked in an almost pleading tone. He looked at her with the same love on his face that Buffy had seen on Dawn's. It was obvious he wouldn't refuse her anything, even if he still had a lot of reservations about the situation.  
  
"Ok," he finally agreed, earning a relieved smile from his girlfriend.  
  
"Well, time to go, then," Buffy said with a significant glance to Spike and Angel.  
  
The two sisters hugged, and Spike kissed Dawn on the forehead, attracting another surprised look from Angel.  
  
The four of them left, leaving the two teenagers alone with a multitude of questions hanging between them.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Oh, for God's sake, mate, stop brooding!"  
  
They were sitting in a nearby restaurant. Angel hadn't opened his mouth much since they had left the apartment.  
  
He shot a frustrated look at Spike. "Well, my son hates me, so I think that for once I really deserved the right to brood."  
  
Cordelia put her hand on his and entwined their fingers. "He doesn't hate you. He's just angry."  
  
"More hurt than angry," noted Spike with his usual perceptiveness. But he certainly didn't want to interfere between Angel and his son. He had his own teenage girl to deal with, thank you very much.  
  
"I can try to talk to him tomorrow, if you want," Buffy proposed.  
  
"It's worth the try," Cordelia said.  
  
Angel smiled to Buffy. "Thanks."  
  
Spike didn't add anything, he was too busy eating. Buffy watched with growing alarm all the dishes displayed in front of him. He had ordered most of his favorite meals.  
  
"Spike, you're not going to eat all this, right?"  
  
"I'm hungry. And I've wanted to eat some of these for months."  
  
"I thought you ate real food before", Cordelia pointed out.  
  
"Well yeah, but at least now it tastes something."  
  
"But what with the sudden gluttony? "  
  
He shrugged. "Like I said, hungry. And when you work I don't fancy to prepare a meal for myself, so I just pick at whatever's in the fridge. So I thought this would be a good occasion to have a good taste at everything. I can't believe how much I missed it."  
  
"Yeah, I remember what it felt like," Angel said dreamily, and when the girls stared at him he realised with horror what he had let slip. He was supposed to be the only one who remembered that day. One of his most wonderful and painful memories.  
  
"You remember what?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"Uh.nothing."  
  
Fortunately - and surprisingly - she didn't insist. She put her hand on her forehead. "Ooh! Vision!"  
  
Angel turned to her with a worried look.  
  
"I see.I see a huge indigestion for a certain vampire in the next twenty- four hours."  
  
Spike glared at her.  
  
"And I'm afraid it's too late to save him now," she added in a defeated tone.  
  
"It's my bloody stomach and I do whatever I want with it. Why don't you look at your own plate?" he said like a stubborn child.  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Your stomach that hasn't seen such a huge amount of food in 120 years. Spike, I wish you'd slow down. You're going to regret it." Spike looked at Buffy, saw she was really worrying. He put his fork down on the plate.  
  
"Ok baby," he said, and the smile he earned was worth abandoning those delicious chicken wings.  
  
Angel watched him with a mix of surprise and disdain. "You are so whipped."  
  
Spike shot him an indifferent look and put his arm around Buffy's waist, pulling her to him. "Yeah. And you know what? I don't give a damn."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn was sitting on the bed and Connor on the chair.  
  
"I didn't know you were unhappy," he finally said.  
  
"Connor, I'm not! I love you. But Buffy is my sister, and I love her too. I missed her so much. I told you about the letter, remember?"  
  
He nodded, hurt written all over his face. Dawn was torn between the joy of seeing her sister again, and the pain to see the man she loved like that.  
  
"Will you leave?"  
  
She stared at him. "What?"  
  
"Will you go back with her?"  
  
"No! Of course not.Connor, is that what you're afraid of? That I would leave you? Without a glance back? What kind of girl do you think I am?" she asked angrily.  
  
He shrugged helplessly. "Well, I don't know Dawn. Your sister was right. We've been living together for three months and we barely know anything about each other."  
  
Her anger vanished. She got up from the bed and came to kneel in front of him.  
  
"Ok then. Maybe it's time we talk about ourselves. But before we do, I want you to know that I love you. I don't care who you are. I love Connor, whatever his last name or background can be. And nothing will change that. And nothing or no one will separate me from you."  
  
He felt suspicious moisture behind his eyes and closed them to repress it. "I love you too, Dawn. I don't want to lose you," he said in a hoarse voice.  
  
She put her hand on his cheek. "You won't."  
  
He leaned and kissed her. She smiled. "Time for proper introductions."  
  
They settled on the bed, holding hands.  
  
"I'll start," Connor said. "In fact, you know already the bigger part, about me living in a hell dimension and all."  
  
"Yes. It's the you being Angel's son that I don't get."  
  
"I know this is going to sound really weird, but.nine month ago, I was wearing diapers."  
  
She frowned, confused. "What do you mean? You were incontinent or something?"  
  
"What's incontinent?"  
  
She looked embarrassed and he dismissed the comment. "Whatever. I mean that I was born last year. I was a baby, until Holtz took me to Quortoth. Time goes faster in that dimension. When I came back a few weeks later, I was sixteen.or seventeen, I'm not really sure. It's not like we use to celebrate birthdays in a hell dimension.  
  
Dawn had paled. "So, what you're saying is that a few month ago, while I was going to high school and talking about fashion and boys to my friends, you were still a baby?"  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"Ok. That's kind of creepy," she admitted.  
  
"I know. I don't realize it the same way because I grew up normally.if you can say so.in that dimension." "But how come you're Angel's son? He's still a vampire, right?"  
  
"As far as I know. Well, he was when I was conceived, anyway. And so was my mom. There was some prophecy involved."  
  
Dawn's eyes grew wide. "Your mom being.?"  
  
"Darla. I never knew her. She died when I was born."  
  
Dawn nodded. "I remember Buffy mentioning her name. But I never met her."  
  
"How come you knew my dad then?"  
  
Dawn noticed he had said 'dad' and not 'father' but didn't say anything. "Right after we arrived in Sunnydale, a few years ago, he started to hang out with my sister, helping her to fight. She's the Slayer."  
  
"I heard people talking about the Slayer in Quortoth. I thought she was more like a myth or something. I don't remember Angel mentioning her though."  
  
"Probably because it's been kind of a painful subject for a long time. They both moved on now, apparently, but your father and my sister once shared the ultimate big love. It lasted three years, with a lot of angst and tears, and Angel finally deciding to leave. He wanted Buffy to have a normal life. Not that she did. And now, it looks like she's with Spike, so."  
  
"What about him?"  
  
"Spike's a vampire. Angel made Drusilla, and Drusilla made Spike. That makes him sort of your nephew, when you think about it.talk about a creep factor."  
  
Connor frowned. "I'm not sure I want to be related to that guy."  
  
"Wait until you know him. I know he was evil once, and he did his share of wrong deeds. But the last three years, he helped Buffy a lot. He took care of me, saved my life several times, as well as the Scoobies - my sister's friends. He's like a brother to me. And the way he loves my sister.I always wished to meet someone who would love me like that.and lucky me, I found him," she smiled, and he smiled back.  
  
"I was scared that you would be freaked out by the baby-suddenly-turned- teenager thing."  
  
She laughed. "Wait until you hear my story. I'm afraid I beat you on the weirdness scale. Nine months ago, you were a baby. Well, two years ago, I didn't exist. I was a green ball of mystical energy, aka the Key. I opened door between dimensions. And after a long and hectic story, about which I'll tell you some other time, I just became a regular girl.I think."  
  
"And amazing and beautiful regular girl," he said tenderly, caressing her cheek.  
  
She smiled. "I think we covered the most important stuff. And we have the rest of our lives to discover all the little things."  
  
"Do we?" he asked, uncertainty shadowing his gaze.  
  
She kissed him, hoping to chase the remains of doubts away, and the question she could read in his mind.  
  
What's going to happen now? 


	18. 17 Family

~*~Chapter 17 - Family~*~  
  
The following morning, Buffy got another bout of nausea. Like last time, Spike followed her closely and held her.  
  
"Are you done?" he asked once she seemed to get better.  
  
"I think so."  
  
"Ok then."  
  
He helped her to a sitting position on the floor before leaning over the toilet bowl himself and throwing up as well.  
  
Once done, he just lay on the bathroom floor. "That was a very unpleasant experience," he said out of breath.  
  
He opened one eye and looked at her. "What? No 'I told you so'?"  
  
She smiled weakly. "I'll spare you. But I don't think Cordelia will be so generous."  
  
"Better not tell her then. You, on the other hand, barely ate anything. So what with the sickness? And twice in three days."  
  
She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe the trip, or the excitement of seeing Dawn again."  
  
Spike didn't look convinced. "If it happens again, I want you to go see a doctor."  
  
"I will, promise."  
  
She looked at them, him lying on the floor with his hands on his stomach, and herself sitting limp against the bath.  
  
She laughed. "What a hot couple we make."  
  
He grinned. "Aren't we? We even throw up in synch. That's what I call love."  
  
"You bet. I think I'll go back to bed now. You coming?" "I don't know. The cold bathroom floor feels good right now."  
  
"Suit yourself," she chuckled, getting up and walking out of the bathroom. Spike stayed there for a few more minutes, then realized he had a sexy Slayer waiting for him in a warm, comfy bed. He got up and put some water on his face. From the room, Buffy suddenly heard a scream. She jumped out of the bed and ran in the bathroom.  
  
"What?"  
  
Spike was standing in front of the mirror.  
  
Where he could see his reflection.  
  
"Oh my God."  
  
"Who is this?" he asked in a trembling voice.  
  
"That's you, honey," she answered with a smile, as amazed as he was. She put her arms around his waist and her head on his shoulder. For the first time ever, she was able to see what the two of them looked together. Although it was probably not their best moment, since they were just out of bed, and not counting that they had just both thrown up.  
  
Still, she adored what she saw.  
  
This is the man I love, and who loves me. Unconditionnally and forever.  
  
Spike put his hand on his face, in his hair, muttering "What was I thinking?" but finally decided he looked kinda hot.  
  
He wondered what he did look like when he.  
  
He frowned.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I can't morph into game face."  
  
He frowned again, concentrating. "No. Looks like the vampire is gone," he said, not sure yet of what to think.  
  
Buffy brought her hand to his face, caressed his cheek. "How are you feeling?"  
  
"I'm not sure.I know it's been going on for some time, now, but..it's really gone."  
  
"You're not a vampire anymore," she said softly, putting her hand on his chest where his heart was beating.  
  
They looked at each other and he smiled. He encircled her shoulder with his arm and kissed her forehead.  
  
"Let's go back to bed, love."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Buffy finally got up several hours later, took a quick shower and get dressed. She sat next to Spike on the bed and kissed his sleeping face gently, staying with her face in his neck for a short moment, inhaling his scent. She was feeling so happy and complete, when she was with him. And the best part was she wasn't afraid to admit it anymore.  
  
"Why are you dressed?" he murmured in a sleepy voice.  
  
"I have to go see Dawn, remember? I'll be back in a few hours."  
  
He pulled her to him and gave her a sweet, lingering kiss.  
  
"Bye," she said softly, leaving the room before giving in to temptation to go back under the covers with him.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So, Spike left to get himself a soul? Wow. That's like.huge, Buffy."  
  
They were at the pier, Buffy, Dawn, Cordelia and Connor. The sun was shining and the walk to the pier was actually an idea of Connor. Buffy watched him. There was a big attitude improvement since last night. Of course, Angel wasn't there, but still he seemed more open.  
  
"I know," Buffy said, turning her attention back to her conversation with Dawn. "Can you believe I rejected that guy and treated him like crap for two years? I must be the dumbest girl on this planet."  
  
"Well, things got pretty ugly between you last year. That's mostly why he left, right?"  
  
A shadow crossed Buffy's face. "Yeah.but still, he came back. At first, he had just come back to tell you goodbye. I thought that was so sweet.and he finally decided to stay for good. I'm so glad I stopped being denial girl and opened my eyes. I couldn't live without him."  
  
Dawn smiled, watching Connor. "Yeah, I know the feeling."  
  
"Anyway, we're living together now. And we think that Spike is becoming human."  
  
"That's nic.what?"  
  
Buffy proceeded to tell Dawn all that had happened to Spike over the last few months, including the events of the morning.  
  
"So you think that Shoeshine thing is happening to Spike?"  
  
"Shanshu. And yes, that could be it. The bad part is, it would be terribly unfair for Angel.and Cordelia."  
  
"Oh, right. Especially with the curse, and all. But maybe there's a loophole, or it's something completely different. When you're happy, you just want everyone around you to be as well."  
  
Buffy took an inspiration. "I'm sorry that you didn't feel happy then. That you thought you were a burden. That was never the case, Dawn. Never."  
  
Dawn smiled and took her sister's hand. "I know. Spike told me it was a misunderstanding. And I should have talked to you. It was really selfish and insane to just take off like that. Not that I regret it, considering how it turned out."  
  
Connor and Cordelia, who had been talking separately, came back to them. Connor was smiling.  
  
"Is everything alright?" Dawn asked him.  
  
"I think I put some sense in that thick skull," Cordelia said with a smile.  
  
"Don't take this badly, but you really look like your father. And I mean this as a compliment," Buffy smiled to him.  
  
"Thanks," he just said, and he didn't look too insulted.  
  
"You should give him a chance. I know I wasn't there and can't really judge what happened, but I know one thing : You have now the opportunity to build something great and be happy. Don't let that go away because of stubbornness, or some stupid pride. And here I know what I'm talking about, believe me."  
  
Connor nodded. "I might do that," he said, not compromising himself, or giving the impression he was giving in to easily.  
  
Buffy smiled, knowing better.  
  
"Did you guys already decide what you're going to do?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"We talked about it.one thing for sure, we want to stay together. And I also know I want to finish school and go to the university. But I don't want to be that far away from you," Dawn said, turning to her sister.  
  
Connor hesitated for a moment and finally said, "The best solution would be to go back to LA."  
  
"I know Angel will be thrilled by that idea. And there's plenty of rooms at the hotel for you to stay." Cordelia added.  
  
"Are you suggesting us to get an hotel room?" Dawn joked.  
  
"You know what I mean. We all live at this big hotel, the Hyperion. That's where we work too."  
  
Dawn looked at Buffy. "I would only be two hours from Sunnydale. We could see each other several times a month. Besides, from what you've told me, your apartment would be kind of small for the three of us."  
  
"We could find another one."Buffy started, but she could see her sister had already made her decision. She had trouble recognizing her little sister in this young woman who seemed to know exactly what she wanted, and who smiled with such happiness. And that was the important thing, finally. It was probably time to let her little sister go. And even if it pained Buffy, Dawn's happiness had to come first. And that happiness lay now with Connor.  
  
And at least Dawn would be surrounded by people that Buffy knew and trusted. She smiled, thinking of the fulfilled and promising life she was facing herself. With Spike.  
  
She felt a sudden urge to feel his arms around her.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Cordelia and Buffy left Dawn and Connor at their apartment, arranging to meet later for dinner.  
  
The two girls were walking back to the hotel, when Cordelia grabbed Buffy's arm. "Buffy."  
  
Buffy looked at her, puzzled, before following her look. Her heart stopped in her chest.  
  
Spike was sitting on the hood of Angel's car, bathing in sunlight. Not bursting into flame. Just enjoying his first rays of sunshine in 127 years, while waiting for his girl to come back to him.  
  
So that's what Buffy did. He smiled when he saw her approaching. He opened his legs so she could slip between them and put her head on his shoulder. His arms came to circle her waist.  
  
"You nose is getting reddish," she said against the rough fabric of his jeans jacket."  
  
"Yeah. I should probably buy some SPF 300 before going back to California."  
  
She laughed, raised her head so their eyes could meet. She couldn't think it was possible, but the sunlight was making his even more blue. But the adoration she read in them was the same, though.  
  
"I love you," she whispered.  
  
He kissed her tenderly, enjoying the warmth provided by the sun and Buffy's lips and body pressed against him.  
  
He broke the kiss and took her hand. "Let's get inside before I look like a bloody lobster," he grinned.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
They all went back to the same restaurant as the night before, but with Dawn and Connor this time.  
  
Spike barely looked at the menu. "I think I'll just have a soup," he said nonchalantly, trying to ignore the ironic glance from Cordelia.  
  
"Is this an 'I told you so' moment?" she asked sarcastically.  
  
"Not if you want to live, missy."  
  
Buffy and Angel exchanged a smile. Angel looked way more happier since they had arrived at the restaurant. Connor was still reserved, but seemed more open for conversation. And he had called Angel 'dad' several times, which had pleased the vampire to no end.  
  
Dawn had explained to Buufy that Connor's principal fear was that she would left him and go back to Sunnydale. Since he was now assured they would stay together, he had been more willing to consider reconstructing a relationship with Angel and Cordelia. He had even told Dawn that he was starting to understand the importance of having a family, and that it would be stupid of him to ignore those people who obviously loved him.  
  
Once they were done eating, Connor cleared his throat.  
  
"So, this is what Dawn and I have decided. We both want to come back near our families, but we will stay together. So we thought - if that's ok with you, dad - that we could stay at the hotel. Dawn will finish high school in LA and I'll work with you and the gang. That way we'll be able to save some money and find a place of our own later."  
  
"In fact," Dawn added, "We already have some savings. Do you remember that old lady I told you about, Buffy? She let me some money.an inheritance."  
  
"Really? That's nice of her."  
  
"So now I'm about to be the owner of $25.000."  
  
Buffy's eyes grew wide. "Oh.that's * very * nice of her."  
  
Dawn turned to Connor. "Which remind me we have to do something about this. If we're leaving Sunnydale, we have to let the solicitor know. See how we can arrange all this."  
  
"You can ask for it to be paid to the Angel Investigations account," Angel proposed. "Then we'll create a bank account for the two of you and will transfer the money."  
  
Connor and Dawn looked at each other and nodded. "Good. Thanks, dad."  
  
"Don't thank me, Connor. This is normal stuff. And I can't even tell you how happy I am that you and Dawn will be staying at the hotel. You can stay as long as you want to. You're my son, and this is your home as well."  
  
They smiled to each other, maybe the first true smile they had ever shared.  
  
Dawn turned to Buffy and Spike. "You guys didn't say anything. What do you think?"  
  
Spike's disappointment was clear on his face. "So you won't come back to Sunnydale with us?"  
  
"No. I've got my own life, now, and you certainly don't need me to disturb yours."  
  
"But you'll never disturb."  
  
"I know, Spike, that was just a manner of speaking. And I'll spend Christmas with you, though."  
  
Buffy hugged her. "I'm glad to hear that. And I'm very proud of you. You have my support, no matter what."  
  
Dawn couldn't hide her surprise - and her joy. "Thanks, Buffy. That means a lot. And like I said, we won't be that far. We'll see each other often, especially now that sunlight is not an issue anymore," she said, smiling to Spike.  
  
He pulled her to him and kissed her on the forehead. Buffy reached for a Kleenex in her bag.  
  
"What's the matter, pet?" Spike inquired.  
  
She blew her nose. "I don't know. I'm sorry. It's not my habit to get all emotional like that. It's stupid. I must be tired," she added with a little laugh.  
  
The rest of the evening ran smoothly, in a nice and carefree way. Now that everything was clear between them, they were able to look at the future with hope. For the first time in a long time, the six of them were perfectly happy. 


	19. 18 Expectations

~*~ Chapter 18 - Expectations ~*~  
  
The next day, Connor had to go back to work, as did Dawn. Dawn made some arrangements with Martha to have a free hour in the afternoon so she could go with Buffy to the solicitor's office and organize the transfer of the money. Besides, it was better for Dawn to be represented by her sister who was of legal age.  
  
As for Cordelia, she couldn't resist of doing some shopping before they left.  
  
Spike and Angel stayed at the hotel. Spike would have love going out and enjoy a walk in the sun, but a part of him was reluctant to leaving Angel alone in the shadow at the hotel. He didn't really need another reason to brood.  
  
So they were sitting in the bar, having a drink like normal people.  
  
"I think the waitress likes you," Angel said with a nod to the girl who had been serving them.  
  
Spike didn't even look in her direction. "Too bad for her," he just replied.  
  
Angel watched him thoughtfully for a moment before saying, "You know what surprises me the most about you? Although, at the same time, I shouldn't be."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"The way you care about Dawn. You really like her."  
  
"I love her," Spike corrected. "She's like my little sis. I've been spending the last two years watching over her, and let me tell you it was no picnic. There was that afternoon, it was the summer Buffy was.not there. I had to spend the entire afternoon listening to that soddin boys band with a daft name. Believe me, it was one of the most painful moment of my entire existence. I swear my poetry was better than what those stupid git were singing. And that says a lot."  
  
Angel couldn't repress a smile. "But still, you love her. And you loved her long before having your soul, right?"  
  
Spike frowned. "Yeah.I suppose so. What's your point, mate?"  
  
"Spike, I know you won't believe I'm saying this - hell, I don't believe myself- but you have accomplished an incredible journey. You deliberately turned to the good side. Ok, maybe at first you didn't had the choice because of the chip - Buffy told me," he explained when he saw Spike's surprised face, "but this chip never forced you to do good, right? It never forced you to fall in love with Buffy, and to get attached to Dawn.or even the Scoobies."  
  
Spike shifted in his seat, uncomfortable. If the big poofter was starting to throw flowers at him.  
  
"That's right," he admitted nonetheless.  
  
"So even if the soul was an incredible - and crazy - gesture, in the end it didn't change much who you are.who you already were."  
  
Spike frowns. "What are you saying, that it was unnecessary? Believe me, it was. I did it for Buffy, but for me as well. Last year, I did some things.I will never forgive myself for it. But Buffy did. And she fell in love with me before knowing I had the soul. That's the thing that matters to me. So yeah, maybe the soul wasn't necessary for Buffy, but it was for me."  
  
"What I'm trying to say, Spike, is that what makes us human is our capacity to change, to feel emotions, to choose good over evil. Willingly. And you did all that long before having your soul back. You and I know perfectly well that if I lose my soul, I'm just a cruel, vicious monster. And I'll always be."  
  
Spike didn't answer. What could he possibly reply to that?  
  
Angel sighed. "If this thing happening to you is the Shanshu, I guess that's because somehow you deserve it more than me."  
  
Stunned by his statement - by his speech, even - Spike answered, "Maybe, but you've been good for over a hundred years. Well, except for that little relapse five years ago.but I've been good for what? Two years now."  
  
"But you chose to be. That's the whole difference."  
  
"Even if it was for selfish reason at first? Hoping Buffy would love me back?"  
  
"That's not really selfish. And you've been rather lucky in that department," Angel added without any trace of resentment.  
  
Spike had a fond smile. "Yeah.she's the most amazing, incredible.but you know that already."  
  
"Yeah, I know. And fortunately for me, I've got an incredible and amazing woman by my side as well."  
  
They smiled, understanding each other and the luck they both had. Angel then shifted in his seat and cleared his throat.  
  
"Now, don't get any ideas, I still don't like you," he said, displaying a suddenly severe and serious face.  
  
"Oh, the feeling's mutual, mate."  
  
"Good. We'll just have to stay civilized for the sake of our children then."  
  
"That's right."  
  
"I'm glad this is clear. You want another beer?"  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The sun had set, and they were ready to leave. Dawn and Connor had come over to the hotel to say their goodbyes. They would need a few more days to settle everything before coming back to Los Angeles.  
  
"Are you sure it won't be any problem to leave your apartment on such short notice?" Buffy asked.  
  
Dawn and Connor exchanged a look. "Don't worry," the young man said, "I'm sure our landlord will be understanding."  
  
Spike took Dawn in his arms and kissed her on the forehead. "Give me a call when you arrive in L.A and I'll come to pick you up."  
  
"Spike, I can take the bus back to Sunnydale, it's no problem."  
  
"I'll come to pick you up," he repeated in a firm tone. "You may play all grown up, but you're still my Nibblet."  
  
She smiled tenderly to him and couldn't resist the teasing. "Your Nibblet who's living with her boyfriend."  
  
"Yeah, that's the part I'm not very comfortable about. He'd better take good care of you."  
  
"He does, don't worry. And I'll give you a call, then," she added, hugging him once more. "I'm so glad you're back and that everything's good between Buffy and you. You both deserve it," she whispered in his ear. He kissed her once again before letting his place to Buffy. The two sisters hugged.  
  
"I'll wait for you to decorate the Christmas tree," Buffy said, holding back tears. Since when had she become such a fountain?  
  
"You'd better. Thanks for everything, Buffy. I love you."  
  
She turned to Angel and Cordelia, and Buffy kissed Connor.  
  
"Take good care of her," she said, but she didn't doubt he would.  
  
Connor smiled. "I will, promise," he replied, trying to ignore Spike's threatening glance.  
  
Connor joined Dawn and put an arm around her waist. He still had reservations towards Angel, but his attitude was much friendlier than when they had arrived. Spike and Buffy walked to the car, waiting for their friends. Spike was watching the young teenage couple.  
  
"He seems like a decent bloke, and he obviously loves her," he commented.  
  
Buffy nodded. "It's so great that things turned out like that. I haven't seen her that happy since.I don't even remember. Probably before mom died."  
  
Spike put a comforting arm on her shoulders and a kiss in her hair. "I must admit they are cute together. They could have their own TV show. Buffy and Angel, the next generation."  
  
She looked at him, shock on her face. "I can't believe you just said my name and Angel's in the same sentence without even flinching."  
  
He smiled. "Well, Dawn's not the only one who grew up. Besides, you're in love with me, not him."  
  
He looked so sure of him she couldn't repress a smile.  
  
"That's right."  
  
"So, no need for me to stress out."  
  
She put her arms around his neck and lost herself in his blue eyes. "You know, I like it when you're jealous, but when you're confident like that, it really turns me on."  
  
He pulled her tightly to him and smirked. "I know, baby. I know."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn and Connor waved their hands until the car disappeared around the corner. Then they slowly walked back to their apartment.  
  
"I'm so glad about the way things worked out," she said, squeezing his hand.  
  
He nodded, happy to see her smile. And if he was totally honest, very hopeful about his relationship with Angel. He had been wrong, and Buffy was right. Family was important.  
  
"Aren't you glad we're going home?" she asked him.  
  
He stopped, turned to her. "For me, home is where you are, Dawn. And I don't care where we are, as long as we're together."  
  
She melted under his tender gaze, and they kissed right in the middle of the street.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"I'm tired of rough motel sheets," Buffy complained. "I'll be glad to be back in our own bed."  
  
Spike pulled her so she could lay on top of him. "There, baby. Better?"  
  
"Much, much better," she whispered, nuzzling his neck and trailing kisses on his jaw line. She reached his mouth and they exchanged a slow, languorous kiss.  
  
They had stopped just before sunrise to get some rest, but Buffy had other ideas in mind.  
  
She moved her hips suggestively and was delighted to hear a moan of pleasure coming from him.  
  
"Spike, honey.do you want me?" she asked in a silky and seductive tone.  
  
He grabbed her butt and pressed her against him. "You feel this? This is how I want you, Buffy. I always want you."  
  
She gave him another passionate kiss and at the same time raised her hips slightly. With a sigh of pleasure, she impaled herself on him. They moved at a slow pace, enjoying the taste and the touch of each other's bodies. They suddenly gripped each other fiercely, as an intense wave of mind- shattering pleasure swept over them at the same time. She held on tightly as he swelled and finally burst into her. He spoke her name in wonder, relishing into each pulsing throb of his flesh, and an exquisite joy flooded every cell of Buffy's body. He let escape a groan of intense satisfaction.  
  
For a moment they laid limped, drained and still drifting into some sort of sensual bliss. They stayed in the same position, him still buried inside her warmth. They resumed kissing, sweet, tender kisses. Satiated for the time being, they settled comfortably, not letting one ounce of air pass between them.  
  
"I had a silly thought, earlier," she said in a sleepy tone.  
  
"What was that, pet?"  
  
"I was wondering, if Dawn and Connor get married, would that make Angel and me some sort or relatives.you know, in-laws or something?"  
  
He chuckled. "Absolutely not. You'll be kind of related through Dawn and Connor's children someday. On the other hand, you'll be related to Angel if you marry me. Considering we are from the same line, vampirely speaking. Not that I brag about it. Oh, and since he's like my grand-daddy, he will be your grand-daddy-in law. Now that's an entertaining thought."  
  
There was a silence then she asked, "Is this another proposal?"  
  
He smiled, caressing her back. "Not the most romantic way or place to propose, don't you agree? But we're definitely going there."  
  
"Good," she whispered, falling slowly asleep.  
  
He disentangled himself from her for a quick run to the bathroom. He then came back in the bed, covering her body with caresses and kisses.  
  
"Sleep well, my love," he murmured, putting his head on her stomach.  
  
" 'Night," she replied, caressing his hair, but her hand quickly stilled. She was asleep.  
  
Spike closed his eyes, determined to get some rest.  
  
The minute after, he opened them. He could have sworn.he pressed his ear to Buffy's stomach delicately, careful not to wake her up. Was that.? No. He was not a vampire anymore, which meant no vampire hearing. He was probably wrong.  
  
Then again, his body had been functioning again for several weeks now, and he and Buffy had been rather.busy. Without using any protection. But no, it was impossible. Too soon. He was wrong.  
  
His heart hoped he was not.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
They made it to L.A quickly, arriving just before sunset. The hotel was silent, everyone - that is, Gunn and Fred - were probably still sleeping. On her desk, Cordelia found a message from Wesley, asking them to call him as soon as they were back.  
  
They had some breakfast in the kitchen, waiting for 8.00 to call the former Watcher. Gunn and Fred came down, updating Angel and Cordy on the few cases they had taken care of.  
  
Spike sat on the desk counter and Buffy came to nestle between his legs.  
  
"Tired, pet?" he asked, stroking her hair.  
  
She rested her head on his chest and put her arms around his waist. "Yeah. I'm dreaming about a long, good night rest. But we should patrol when we get back."  
  
"I'll patrol, you get some rest. Also, I wish you would go see the doctor. Just to make sure everything's alright."  
  
Buffy nodded, too tired to protest. "I can't wait to be home," she muttered against his shirt.  
  
He smiled."Hey, didn't I tell you that you would someday see your place as home?"  
  
She made a face. "It was just a manner of speaking. The only way I can see it as home is because you're there with me. That's what home means to me."  
  
"For me too, sweetheart. I never truly had a home since I've been turned. With Dru, we were always with Angelus and Darla and surrounded by minions. The factory was creepy, and the mansion kind of belonged to Angel. So the crypt was the closest thing to home I had."  
  
"Until I blew it off," she said sheepishly.  
  
"Technically, Soldier Boy did. You just didn't stop him."  
  
"But what was that deal with those eggs anyway? Why did you do such a stupid thing?"  
  
"Well."  
  
Spike hesitated. It was something he had wanted to tell her for some time, but he wasn't sure she would believe him. And it was part of something he was planning to surprise her with. If everything went as he expected.  
  
"I was stupid," he said with an apologetic smile.  
  
Wesley arrived at that moment, preventing him to give more explanations to his curious Slayer.  
  
Buffy was very surprised to see how much Wesley had changed. When he was her Watcher, he always looked like he had an umbrella stuck in his ass. The last time she had seen him, almost three years ago, was when there had been the body switching with Faith and she had come to L.A. Faith had tortured Wesley viciously, and he was in a pretty bad shape. Besides, with all that was happening, Buffy hadn't paid too much attention to him then.  
  
But now she wasn't sure she would have recognized him. He was really good looking.even sexy.  
  
"Hello, Buffy," he greeted her with a slight smile.  
  
"Wesley.You look nice," she said.  
  
Wesley looked at Spike who got off the counter.  
  
"I don't believe we've ever met," Wesley said, holding his hand to Spike.  
  
"Although I heard a lot about the exploits of William the Bloody.I'm Wesley Wyndham-Pryce."  
  
Spike grinned, took his hand. "William Atherton-Jones," he replied with the same tone. Very English. Very stiff.  
  
Wesley frowned, not sure how to react. Was the -former- vampire mocking him?  
  
Buffy elbowed Spike. He looked at her. "Sorry, luv, couldn't resist. Besides, it's my real name."  
  
"It is? You never told me."  
  
He raised an eyebrow. "You never asked. You can call me Spike," he told Wesley.  
  
"Is it the Atherton-Jones branch from Suffolk?"  
  
"That's where the family is originated, yes."  
  
Wesley smiled. "How funny. I happen to know some of your descendants. It's a very wealthy and extended family."  
  
"Oh! Maybe you can claim an inheritance," Buffy suggested.  
  
"Well, since I'm supposed to be dead for 127 years, I don't think that will work."  
  
"You could ask Giles if something can be done about it. The Council is very powerful, as I'm sure you already know. It wouldn't hurt if they used that power to do something useful."  
  
Buffy chuckled.  
  
"Besides," Wes added, "What I've discovered here might help you a great deal."  
  
"Hey Wesley."  
  
Wesley turned to see Angel and Cordelia arriving from upstairs.  
  
"Hi Angel.Cordy."  
  
The atmosphere was suddenly a little bit tenser.  
  
"Hi Wesley. Want some coffee?" Cordelia asked with a smile.  
  
Wesley relaxed a little bit. "Yes, thank you."  
  
He turned to Angel. "Did you find Connor?"  
  
"Yeah. He was living with Buffy' s sister in Seattle. They are coming back in a few days. I think things are gonna be ok from now on."  
  
Wesley smiled. "That's good news. And I think that what I have here will only improve the good mood."  
  
Cordelia came back with the coffee. "Here you are."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"And now spill. Not the coffee, of course. What did you find out?" 


	20. 19 Bright Side of Life

~*~ Chapter 19 - Bright Side of Life ~*~  
  
Wesley leaned on the counter and the others sat around. He showed them his papers.  
  
"Well, this is what I found. As Angel and Cordy know, the prophecies of Aberjian were written in a dozen different languages, some of which aren't even human. So I've been very careful, especially since I had made a little mistake the last time."  
  
Cordy snorted.  
  
".and didn't want to repeat it. Anyway, I took my time to explore it further, and finally found what I think is a valid explanation for what's happening to Spike."  
  
"The Shanshu," Angel said.  
  
"It is, indeed, the Shanshu."  
  
Cordelia's face fell. "So if the Shanshu's happening to Spike, that means it won't happen to Angel?"  
  
"No, it's not that. And that's what I found out. There is a little passage referring to the Order of Aurelius. It doesn't give any name, of course, but it refers to the male vampires of the Order. The ones with the souls."  
  
"So it was vampires and souls with an 's' then," Cordelia noted.  
  
"Yes. The first time I translated this, Angel was the only souled vampire, so I didn't look any further. Apparently, it concerned Spike as well. In fact, it concerns all the vampires from the Order who will get a soul."  
  
"So, Spike having a soul was predicted? It was meant to happen?" Buffy asked.  
  
"Yes. But that doesn't devalue what he did, since he didn't know."  
  
"Of course it doesn't," Buffy said, taking Spike's hand with a sweet smile.  
  
"What about the people we sired?" Angel asked.  
  
Spike raised his hand. "I never sired anyone."  
  
"Well, I'm not proud about it, but I did. So?"  
  
"If they got a soul and turn to the good side, yes, they will become human. But honestly, it's unlikely to me. You two are.the special kind, apparently."  
  
Spike squeezed Buffy's hand. "Or we had the chance to meet special people. What about the strength? I still seem to have it for the moment, but if I lose it, then what? I'll be useless to Buffy."  
  
Buffy knew that it was one of the things that had bothered him the most.  
  
"I was getting to that. According to the prophecies, you are warriors. I know, that's not a big revelation. But the Powers need you to stay that way, to be able to fight. So you are rewarded by becoming human, but you keep your strengths and skills. The fight against evil, unfortunately, never ends. As long as you're able to fight physically, it will remain your duty."  
  
Spike shrugged. "Fine with me. At least it won't get boring that way."  
  
"But then that means Angel will becoming human as well someday?" Cordelia asked.  
  
"Exactly."  
  
"How come it takes so much longer for Angel, since he got his soul so long ago?"  
  
"Spike got his soul willingly. Angel was cursed with it. That makes a huge difference."  
  
"That's what I thought," Buffy said.  
  
Angel smiled sheepishly. "And I'm afraid I've got a lot more awful things to atone for."  
  
Cordelia smiled brightly. "Yes, but at least we have hope, now."  
  
"What about vampire hearing?" Spike asked.  
  
Wesley took a look at his notes. "It's not specifically mentioned, but it's part of your skills, so I suppose you keep it."  
  
"Planning on eavesdropping, Spike?" Cordelia smirked to him.  
  
He smiled. "No. But it can be useful, sometimes," he said, putting her hand on Buffy's stomach and rubbing it gently. She smiled at him, but didn't get the meaning of his gesture.  
  
"Anything on the Nyazian about Connor?" Angel asked Wesley.  
  
"No. I concentrated mostly on the Aberjian, so I'll dig a little deeper on the Nyazian now. But the last translation I had made didn't reveal anything new. No big destiny awaiting for him."  
  
"Thank God for that," Angel muttered.  
  
Wesley smiled and put his papers on the desk. "All my translations are there, if you wish to have a look."  
  
Cordelia got up. "I guess we know everything we needed to know. And for once, everybody win this time. That's a nice change."  
  
"Thanks for your help, Wesley," Buffy told him.  
  
"You're welcome."  
  
She turned to Angel. "I guess it's time for us to return to Sunnydale."  
  
"You're welcome to stay, if you want," Angel offered genuinely.  
  
"Thank you, Angel. But I have to go back to work, tomorrow. Spike, can you help me with our things?"  
  
Angel watched them climbing the stairs before turning to Wesley. "Thanks for taking the time to do this. You should.Wesley, you should come back and work with us. At least you would get paid for your efforts."  
  
Wesley smiled. "I'll think about it. I miss working with you, I admit. I was afraid it would be too awkward.uncomfortable."  
  
"Let's make it a clean start, okay? Think about it and let me know."  
  
"I'll do that."  
  
They shook hands, smiling, and then Wesley left.  
  
Angel went to Cordelia, took her in his arms and gave her a passionate kiss. She put her arms around his neck and let loose a laugh.  
  
"Looks like my fat, brooding vampire is happy, today," she said with a loving smile.  
  
"I've got every reason to be, starting with the beautiful woman I'm holding in my arms."  
  
They kissed again, then Cordelia broke it off, needing to breathe. "I hope you'll Shanshu fast, mister, cause I'm getting a little impatient, here."  
  
"Me too," he whispered in her ear, pressing her suggestively against him.  
  
They reluctantly let go of each other when they heard Buffy and Spike coming back with their bags. Judging by Buffy's shining eyes and flushed cheeks, they had apparently celebrated the good news as well.  
  
Spike took their bags and brought them in the car. Buffy and Cordelia hugged.  
  
"Say goodbye to Gunn and Fred for us."  
  
She turned to Angel and they hugged as well. "Let's not wait another year to see each other, this time, ok?"  
  
He smiled. "We won't. And we have a good excuse to stay in touch, now. Anytime you and Spike want to come to see Dawn.don't hesitate."  
  
"Promise."  
  
They hugged again and Buffy whispered. "I'm glad that things turned out that way. I'm glad you're happy."  
  
"Same here."  
  
Spike came back and hugged Cordelia.  
  
"Bye, Spike. Take care of your stomach," she told him with a teasing smile.  
  
He smirked and held his hand to Angel. "Angel."  
  
"Spike."  
  
The greetings were much friendlier this time.  
  
"Take good care of Buffy or I'll rip your throat out."  
  
"Yeah, yeah. You should really consider that diet I told you about, mate. Bye."  
  
Well, maybe friendlier was too strong a word.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Dawn was closing the last bag when Connor came back. He had gone warn the landlord of their departure and give the key back.  
  
"So? How did it go?"  
  
"How do you think?" Connor asked her with an ironic smile.  
  
"Well then. Everything is packed. I'm ready to leave if you are."  
  
Connor looked around him. "I never liked that apartment, but I'll never forget it. I'll never forget the time we spent here."  
  
She came to him, slipped in his arms. "Me neither. Whatever may have happened, this whole adventure will remain one of my best memories."  
  
"Same here. My only regret is leaving Nick and Derek. But they said they would visit us as soon as they can."  
  
"And I'm taking the memory of Miss Annigan with me."  
  
He kissed her forehead, let her go and took two of their bags while Dawn took the third one. With a last glance, they closed the door behind them, ready and confident of the future waiting for them.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When she left her work that afternoon, Buffy went directly to he supermarket at the corner of the street. She knew exactly what she needed.  
  
Since they had come back two days ago, Spike had insisted she take an appointment to the doctor. But Buffy was starting to have serious suspicions about the 'sickness' she was suffering from.  
  
She came back home and locked herself in the bathroom.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When Spike came back, there was no one in the apartment. Or so it seemed.  
  
"Buffy? Sweetheart?"  
  
The bathroom's door opened and Buffy appeared, her cheeks flushed and a little tousled.  
  
"Hey. Are you alright?"  
  
She smiled. A broad smile he had never seen on her face before. A.different smile, if that made any sense.  
  
He frowned. "What's going on?"  
  
She took his hand. "Come here."  
  
She led him to the couch and they sit side by side.  
  
"You went to see the doctor, like I told you?"  
  
"In fact, I figured it out by myself."  
  
"And?"  
  
She was about to spill the big news when she noticed the look on his face. He didn't look worried. No, he looked expectant and full of hope. "You know."  
  
He shook his head, confused now. "I know what? Buffy, stop."  
  
"You know what's happening to me."  
  
"I.well, I was thinking that maybe you were.but then I thought.oh, bloody hell Buffy, say it already!"  
  
"We're gonna have a baby."  
  
His smile became as bright as hers. "I was right then? I was bleedin' right!"  
  
He took her in his arms and kissed her passionately, and she was all too eager to participate. Spike's reaction had been one of her concerns, but she should have known he would be thrilled.  
  
He took her on his lap, put his hand on her stomach.  
  
"How did you know?" she asked.  
  
He showed his ear. "Vampire hearing. Uh, ex-vampire hearing. That's why I asked Wesley about it, remember? I was sure I had heard a second heartbeat the night before."  
  
She slapped his arm. "Why didn't you tell me anything?"  
  
"Because I was so scared to be wrong. I can't believe it happened so quickly."  
  
"Well, I do, considering the amount of time you and me.you know," she said, blushing like a schoolgirl at the memory of some previous nights.  
  
"I'm so happy. Thank you," he whispered in her hair.  
  
She put her hand on his face and smiled sweetly. "You did half of the job, mister. And I'm happy too. And totally freaked out. Do you really think we're ready for this?"  
  
"Hell no. But we'll manage. We always do."  
  
She put her head on his shoulder. "I already took an appointment to the gyn.I have to tell my boss at the diners.oh, and Giles!" she straightened, opening wide eyes. " What about the slaying? And, and this apartment is gonna be way too small! We."  
  
"Hey, hey, hey, relax. We'll figure it out. We'll find solutions. Trust me."  
  
She calmed down. "I know we will."  
  
"Stop worrying. It's not good for you or the baby," he admonished.  
  
She smiled, her eyes full of love. "Check out mister Dad," she joked, but she loved his protectiveness - which would probably get even worse now !  
  
"I love you," she said softly, meeting his blue eyes.  
  
"I love you too. Both of you," he added, lifting her blouse and kissing her stomach.  
  
She giggled. "I wish we had some champagne to celebrate," she said.  
  
He got up, lifting her in his arms. "Oh, I know a much better way to celebrate, pet."  
  
She gave him a mischievous smile. "Does it involve you, me and our bed?"  
  
Spike put her delicately on said bed and her smile quickly vanished to be replaced by sighs of pleasure as soon as Spike's hand slipped under her skirt and his mouth wandered on her neck and collarbone.  
  
Buffy's last coherent thought was that Spike was certainly a master at celebration.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
When she got back in their room, Dawn found Connor sitting on the bed, near her travelling bag.  
  
"Did you call Spike?" he asked.  
  
"Yes. He will be here in two hours." She put her bag on the ground and sat next to him.  
  
They had arrived in LA two days ago. Dawn had taken the time to settle their things in one of the rooms that Angel had arranged for them, and then had packed again a small back for her stay in Sunnydale. She already knew it would be a short stay. She loved her sister dearly, but she couldn't bear to be separated from Connor more than two weeks.  
  
"I'll miss you," he said with a sad puppy look on his face.  
  
"Me too, so much. But there's something I want to show you."  
  
She went to the dresser, took a piece of clothing from it and showed it to Connor. "Do you know what this is?"  
  
He took it and nodded. "It's your favourite blue silk blouse. The one your mom gave you on your last birthday before her death."  
  
"Exactly. And see?" She took the blouse and put it back in the dresser. "I'm leaving it here. Where I intend to find it when I come back."  
  
She insisted on the last four words, and Connor smiled, understanding what she was doing.  
  
"I get that now. I'm stuck with you forever," he joked.  
  
She came back next to him, put a soft kiss on his mouth. "And everyday after that," she whispered.  
  
"When did you say Spike was coming?" he asked, playing with the buttons of her shirt.  
  
"About two hours.depending on the traffic."  
  
He lay down on the bed, taking her with him. Hoping, not very charitably, that Spike would get stuck in the traffic for long, long hours. 


	21. 20 Where the Heart is

Well, since I'm leaving to Italy this week for my brother's wedding, and only come back next week, I thought I would post the last installement of Home now, so you don't have to wait two weeks for the last chapters. First, Martine and I want to send a huge thanks to Heather and Panthea for the beta'ing of this fic. It wouldn't have been the same without their help ;) I also want to thank Norah Jones for her wonderful CD 'Come away with me' which inspired me a lot. And last but not least, thanks to all of you who took the time to send feedbacks, nice comments, some of you even did it faithfully every week. We are so glad you enjoyed this fic, and that you took as much pleasure at reading it that we had at writing it. If you want to send feedback directly to Martine, do it at lewis_martine@yahoo.ca Thank You !! Sophie & Martine PS: The song used in this chapter is 'I will love you' by Fisher. We don't own it.  
  
********************  
  
~*~ Chapter 20 - Where the Heart is ~*~  
  
They were all gathered in Buffy and Spike's small living room. Dawn had arrived a few days earlier. Willow was celebrating Chanukah with her parents but would join them later, and Xander had made the trip from San Francisco. Giles and Anya had just arrived.  
  
Drinks were served, while Dawn was telling everyone about her Seattle adventure with Connor.  
  
"How does Angel react to the fact that Connor and you are sharing a room?" Spike asked with a knowing smile. Dawn looked at him ironically. "Probably better than you would," she retorted.  
  
Anya followed Buffy in the kitchen, willing to help, but also with something on her mind.  
  
"How's life in England?" Buffy asked her.  
  
"Oh, you know.lot of rain.lot of British people."  
  
"Obviously," Buffy laughed.  
  
"My work is interesting, and I met a lot of nice people."  
  
Buffy noticed Anya was casting nervous glances towards Xander who was talking with Dawn and Spike. "Anya.is there something you want to tell me?"  
  
"Well, yes. Rup.I mean, Giles wanted to tell you on the phone, but I preferred to wait and tell you in person.also it's kind of delicate, because Xander's here and I'm not sure how he will react."  
  
"You mean Giles and you are a couple?"  
  
Anya smiled. "Yes!" Her smiled vanished. "You're ok with it, right? Because I'll never let him, even if you're not."  
  
Buffy let out a little laugh. "Anya, I would lie if I said I didn't expect something like that. Since you arrived with Giles, you never stopped throwing glances at each other or 'accidentally' brush hands.I think it's cute, actually. If you and Giles are happy, then it's all that matters. But please, I don't want to know anything about Giles and.you know."  
  
Anya laughed, relieved. "I won't. In fact, Rupert already made the same request when we started dating. I learned to keep the private things.private."  
  
"Don't worry about Xander. He told me he had met someone, in San Francisco. It looks serious, because he wants to ask her to move back with him when he returns here in a few months."  
  
"Oh. Well, I'm glad for him. But why didn't he bring her for Christmas?"  
  
Buffy shrugged. "She has her own family obligations, I suppose. Like Connor had to stay with his parents."  
  
"Well, whoever she is she must be good. Xander has never looked so great. And he's even acting civilized towards Spike!"  
  
"Well, I had a good talk with him.and with Spike. And now that Spike is human, he doesn't really have any reason to be against him. And talking about that, how does Giles cope with the vengeance demon thing?"  
  
"I gave up. I didn't want to do it anymore. D'Hoffryn didn't accept it easily, but with the help of the Council, some arrangements were made.I don't want to know which ones, but the thing is I became human again, and intend to stay that way now." Buffy put her hand on Anya's arm with a smile.  
  
"I'm glad for you and Giles. He deserves to be happy, and you're probably the right person for that."  
  
They went back to the living room with more refreshments and mingled with the small crowd.  
  
They exchanged presents after dinner. Dawn had been delighted to find a gift from Connor in her bag. She had had the same idea and had given a gift for him to Cordelia. When she opened it, she discovered a lovely bracelet, with a small note telling her she would get a 'bigger' present when she would come back. Dawn had a slight idea of what the 'present' would be and shivered in anticipation.  
  
It was now Spike's turn, and his last gift was for Buffy. She had absolutely no idea what he had got her, but she trusted him. And the baby she was carrying was already the most wonderful thing she could have hoped for.  
  
But with Spike, life was full of surprises.  
  
He took a very small package from his pocket and gave it to Buffy. Her heart raced when she unwrapped it to discover a small velvet box.  
  
At that moment, Spike took it back from her and knelt in front of her. Opening the box and presenting it to her, he said, "Buffy Summers, will you do me the great honour of becoming my wife?"  
  
Buffy's eyes grew as wide as saucers when she saw the beautiful solitaire.  
  
"Oh my God!" Dawn squealed.  
  
"Oh my God!" Xander squealed even higher.  
  
For a moment, Buffy stayed speechless. Then she started to nod, before realizing Spike was waiting for a verbal answer. A huge smile spread on her face.  
  
"Yes!" she exclaimed, and everybody cheered. Spike put the ring on her finger before taking her in his arms and kissing her passionately.  
  
"I love you, I love you so much," she whispered for his ears only.  
  
"You haven't seen everything yet," he told her with a mysterious look.  
  
"But can you get legally married?" Dawn asked, thinking practically - she had got used to that over the last few months. "I mean, no offence Spike but you don't really exist. Or, you didn't."  
  
"He does now," Giles intervened, taking an envelope from his briefcase. "It wasn't done easily, but I managed to convince the Council to help Spike regaining his identity. So here," he said, handing the envelope to Spike, "You have an ID card, a social security number and all the legal papers making you an American citizen. I know you would probably prefer to be English, but then there would be too many complications to obtain a green card and a visa. The Council is powerful but they have their limits."  
  
"You thought about everything, Giles, as usual," Willow said with a smile.  
  
"Well, I must admit I'm rather proud of myself. And it's not over. Wesley told me about your family background, Spike. Like him, I know some of the actual Atherton-Jones. With some help, I think we could find a way to re- integrate you in the family. Like a long-distance cousin, or something like that. We'll find something."  
  
He smiled tenderly to Buffy. "This is my Christmas gift to both of you."  
  
Buffy smiled back and left Spike's arms to jump into Giles'. This was a little too much for her, especially in her condition, and she cried softly against the shoulder of the man she considered like her father. Pressing her against him, Giles himself had some trouble to stay dry-eyed.  
  
A little bit after midnight, everybody took their leave. Xander was staying with Willow and Giles and Anya were at a small hotel. Just before leaving, Giles gave another envelope to Spike and they exchanged some words. Then, after some more effusions and congratulations, Spike, Buffy and Dawn were left alone. Very intrigued, Buffy couldn't refrain her curiosity much longer.  
  
"What's in the envelope?"  
  
He gave her a mysterious smile. "Something that concerns you and Dawn."  
  
"Oh! Me too? Another present?" the younger Summers asked excitedly.  
  
"I suppose you could call it that way."  
  
The two sisters seated on the couch. Spike opened the envelope and retrieved some papers. He gave a quick look to it and smiled, before handing them to Buffy.  
  
She read the first lines and paled.  
  
It was the abstract of sale of a house. A house situated on 1630, Revello Drive.  
  
"What is it?" Dawn asked, confused.  
  
Buffy had understood. "You.you bought it back? But.how?"  
  
"Giles helped me. To be honest, he's the one who bought it. I gave him the money and he did it for me. So the house is currently under his name, but he's going to leave it to you as an inheritance. And then it will definitely be yours." Buffy's shocked gaze went from the papers to Spike, than back to the papers.  
  
"You bought back our house?" Dawn asked, a huge smile spreading on her face. "This is so cool!"  
  
"Well, this was a little bit interesting, since I'll live there too, and."  
  
He was cut off by Dawn throwing herself into his arms. "Thank you, thank you!" she told him, hugging him fiercely. Dawn was mostly happy for her sister. She knew what the house meant to her. And she was happy to know that when she would come back to see Buffy, it would be in the house where they had so many cherished memories. Especially with their mom.  
  
Buffy still hadn't uttered a word, and Spike knelt down in front of her. "Sweetheart? You're glad, right?"  
  
She finally laughed, snapping out of her stupor. She put her arms around his neck and kissed him softly. "Spike, thanks to you, this is the most wonderful, incredible Christmas ever. Thank you. This." she showed him the papers, "This means the world to me. You mean the world to me. As our baby."  
  
Dawn gasped. "Your what?"  
  
Spike and Buffy looked at each other and laughed.  
  
"Does becoming an aunt suit you, Dawnie?" Spike asked with a delighted smile.  
  
"Oh my God! Why didn't you guys say anything?"  
  
"I wanted to have confirmation," Buffy explained, "which I had yesterday. We just wanted to wait a little longer to tell the others.keep the news to ourselves for a moment. But we were planning on telling you tomorrow."  
  
"I understand. This is so amazing!"  
  
She embraced both Buffy and Spike. "This is crazy! The good news keeps on coming! What's next?"  
  
Spike laughed. "I'm afraid it's all we've got for now."  
  
"And I don't think I could stand any more intense emotions. I just have one question for Spike. And it's just out of curiosity, I'm not implying anything, but.with what money did you buy the house?"  
  
He smiled, having expected that question. "Remember those demon eggs of last year? The one we talked about just a few days ago? Well, originally, I had accepted to keep them to earn some money in order to help you and Nibblet. I had been doing that for a while, actually, and had earned a pretty sum. Then Captain Cardboard blew them up, you broke up with me.you know the rest. I kept the money, though, and after getting my soul I travelled a little bit, working here and there, not always legally, I admit, but it never hurt anyone. And there was all that money I didn't know how to spend. That's when I came back to Sunnydale and learned about the house. I could have help you then, but you probably wouldn't have accepted the money, right?"  
  
"Probably not," she recognized softly.  
  
"So, I contacted Giles. I wasn't sure he would help me, but since it was for your own sake, he didn't hesitate. He also opened a bank account for me to put the rest of the money. And I kept on working since I arrived in Sunnydale. So the account is there. I want you and Dawn safe, with a roof over your head. It's all that matters to me."  
  
He kissed the top of their heads. They hugged again, and half of the Kleenex box was emptied.  
  
Spike finally felt Buffy drifting off slowly against his shoulder. "Ok, beddy time for my girls," he said, lifting Buffy in his arms.  
  
Dawn was sleeping on the couch. She kissed him on the cheek. "Good night Spike. See you tomorrow."  
  
"Have sweet dreams, Bit."  
  
A slight smile appeared on Dawn's face. "Oh, I will," she murmured, closing her eyes and picturing Connor's face in her mind.  
  
There would be sweet dreams indeed.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Buffy was spooned against Spike in the bed, engulfed in his warmth and love. He had put his hand on her stomach in a protective and possessive gesture. Buffy was resting there peacefully, in the arms of her soon-to-be husband, the father of her child. The most wonderful man in the universe, and he was hers. And soon, they would go home.  
  
"Looks like we finally made it," Spike whispered against her neck, and she shivered.  
  
"Yeah, we did. And somehow, I knew we would. I have faith in us," she said, turning her head slightly to meet his eyes.  
  
"Me too, pet," he answered, brushing her lips with his. "Whatever happens now, I know we'll make it. The three of us," he added with a smile.  
  
"I love you, William Atherton-Jones, and my God that's really a pompous name!"  
  
And they both laughed together, something they fully intend to do a lot for the rest of their lives.  
  
When my body is dust When my soul is no more I will love you, love you  
  
Dawn was lying on the couch, playing with the little bracelet now locked on her wrist. As much as she loved being here with her sister and Spike, she missed Connor terribly. And even if she was immensely happy that they got their house back, the only place she really belonged to now were Connor's arms. And she couldn't wait to be back there.  
  
Feeling for the first time the luckiest girl in the world, Dawn fell asleep with a smile on her face.  
  
Till the sun starts to cry And the moon turns to rust I will love you, love you  
  
In their room in LA, Connor wasn't sleeping either. He had really enjoyed his first Christmas with his family, even if a little part of him wasn't feeling complete. After going to bed, he had light a candle and its flickering light gave a beautiful softness to Dawn's face on the picture next to it. A softness he knew was there in reality. And he couldn't wait to see those sweet eyes directed at him with so much love. Couldn't wait to see her bright smile, to hear her laugh.  
  
He closed his eyes, Dawn's face very vivid in his mind.  
  
Feeling for the first time the luckiest guy in the world, Connor fell asleep with a smile on his face.  
  
But I need to know Will you stay for all time Forever and a day And I'll give my heart Till the end of our time  
  
Forever and a day  
A little further down the hall, in Angel's room, Cordelia woke up to find the bed empty. She saw his figure standing at the window, watching the starry night. She got up, came to put her arms around his waist. He pulled her against him and kissed the top of her head.  
  
"What are you thinking about?" she asked softly.  
  
"You.us. Connor's happy face tonight, even if it was obvious he missed Dawn. He seemed happy to be with us," he said in a tone that betrayed his amazement - and his joy.  
  
Cordelia stroke his back lovingly. "He has every reasons to be now. I told you things would be ok. You should always listen to me," she added with a teasing look.  
  
He smiled. "Yeah, I know that."  
  
"Good. Back to bed?"  
  
"Lead the way."  
  
They crawled back under the covers. They still couldn't do anything, but the intimacy they were sharing by resting in each other's arms was already very fulfilling. And full of love, confidence and hope.  
  
Till the stars fill my eyes And we touch the last time I will love you, love you  
  
I will love you, love you  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
~*~ Epilogue ~*~  
  
One year later - Christmas day. Summers-Atherton-Jones' residence  
  
Spike walked in the kitchen and went straight to the fridge, from where he retrieved a baby's bottle. Connor, who was already there, tensed a little bit. He had grown up in a hell dimension, had fought countless demons and beasties, and his father was a vampire. Connor could confidently say he was pretty much afraid of nothing.  
  
Except Spike.  
  
The way the former vampire looked sometimes at him, with that 'touch my Nibblet and I'll tear your guts out' glare always made Connor wanting to run very far away. Although at the same time he completely understood, and even shared Spike's point of view.  
  
Nobody touched what was theirs.  
  
And right now, Spike was testing on his wrist the temperature of the milk he had just put in the microwave. That was making him a little less scary, a little more daddy.  
  
"I take good care of her, you know," Connor said defensively. He just couldn't help it.  
  
Spike raised an eyebrow. "I didn't say anything."  
  
"You're thinking too loudly," Connor mumbled.  
  
Spike smiled and put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "Connor, if I thought for one micro-second that Dawn wasn't happy, you'd be pushing up the daisies right now."  
  
Connor paled slightly. Spike's smile grew wider. "That was meant as a comforting thought, mate."  
  
"Gee, thanks then," Connor replied, but smiled back nonetheless.  
  
Buffy arrived, holding her baby girl. Connor smiled to her and went back to the living room.  
  
Spike gave her the baby's bottle.  
  
"Here you are, sweetheart," Buffy cooed at the baby who opened her little mouth to catch the teat.  
  
Spike put his arms around Buffy's shoulder and she leaned against him, closing her eyes for a brief moment while he kissed the top of her head and caressed the little head of his daughter. They had named her Emma.  
  
"Do you think all our Christmases will be as perfect as this?"  
  
"There will be ups and downs, but we'll try our best to make them perfect, that I can promise you."  
  
After spending Christmas' eve at the Hyperion, Dawn and Connor had come to Sunnydale to stay a few days. Willow was there also, as well as Xander and his girlfriend Cristina, whom he had convinced to move back with him. Apparently, things looked serious between them, and Cristina was a really sweet and pretty girl. Only Giles and Anya couldn't make it, but for a good reason: Anya was due to give birth at any moment.  
  
Soon after discovering her pregnancy, Buffy had decided to quit slaying full time. The Council had sent two Potentials and were working on a way to find out how to transmit them the powers of the Slayer. In the meantime, Spike was training them and helping, therefore working for the Council. Buffy was helping occasionally, but Spike didn't want her near any baddies, and for Emma's sake (and hopefully the next to come) she had accepted.  
  
Even Xander and Willow were still there for the researches when needed, and they were often in contact with the Fang Gang in LA.  
  
Slowly but surely, the core of the Scoobies had been rebuild. After being drifted apart by life, fate had found a way to reunite them. And the new additions only made their relationships stronger.  
  
Buffy and Spike went back to the main room. Xander, Cristina and Willow were talking and joking. Dawn and Connor were sitting next to the Christmas tree, whispering sweet nothings to each other. Buffy smiled, touched by the way Connor was always looking at her sister, like she was the seven wonder. And that's what she probably was for him.  
  
Buffy raised her head and met her husband's gaze. He was watching her with the exact same expression on his face.  
  
"Merry Christmas, Spike," she told him softly.  
  
"Merry Christmas, my love," he answered and pressed his mouth to hers in a sweet kiss.  
  
No matter what the future would bring them, they were ready for it.  
  
They had found their way home.  
  
THE END 


End file.
